


Shattered Disposition

by Jisatsu05



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: (but not really a suicide attempt), Depression, Disordered Eating, FACE family are all brothers, Flashbacks, Gen, Panic Attacks, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, no actual depictions of rape or suicide attempt, osfed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28176096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jisatsu05/pseuds/Jisatsu05
Summary: The night Italy Veneziano is overpowered by a human, his life changes. He's faced with a merciless reality check, emotions he never asked for, and a newfound doubt in everyone, including himself. Now, he can't help but wonder: why is his reaction so unlike that of a nation's? More importantly, how the hell is he supposed to deal with it.I tried to display these topics as respectfully as possible. Updates every Saturday.beta read by Annie
Comments: 33
Kudos: 33





	1. It Didn't Happen

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any questions about content warnings, please leave a comment with your question, and I will respond to it in a way that allows you to stay anonymous. I have comment moderation enabled. Nobody will see your question except for me if that is what you want.  
> \---  
> This started as a drabble, but it accidentally ended up being 100k words. That's why the scenes are a bit short in this chapter. I promise this will change very soon ^_^

He sat, cold and scared, with his back against the wall. He’d been overpowered by a human. Blinded and taken advantage of. 

No. This didn’t happen. It didn’t.

* * *

“Time to get up. We’ll be late.” 

Italy whined, partially in pain, as he spoke, “Fratello, I can’t today. I’m sick.” He coughed and pouted for good measure. If a god existed, they would certainly find a way to convince Romano into letting him stay home. 

He waited to hear Romano’s response, tension wracking his body. All he could recognize was the feeling of terror that managed to manifest itself in his chest. He could practically feel himself struggling to keep a calm front, to hold back his pleas. If only such a facade could make him feel better.

“You weren’t asleep by the time the Tomato Bastard and I got back last night,” Romano started. “If you don’t wanna be tired, you need to go to bed earlier. For now, get up, and let’s get a move on. We can take a siesta after the meeting.”

Italy protested for a moment, then he relented and started to push himself up. His whole body ached. A yelp almost escaped him, but he managed to suppress it, thankful that Romano had already turned to leave. 

It didn’t seem his place to complain. His body would be healed by noon at the latest. Instead, he pressed his head hard into his pillow, eyes screwed tightly in both physical and emotional agony. 

It didn’t happen anyway.

* * *

Italy sat in his spot as he waited for the meeting to start. He didn’t even register when Japan took the seat next to him. 

While he’d usually give the first greeting, his disconnect from the surroundings prompted Japan to speak first. “That’s a beautiful picture you’ve drawn, Italy.” 

He turned his head at Japan’s voice, though he only caught the last bit of the sentence. “It’s a scene I saw in Canada. The real thing is so much better than I could ever draw.” His focus quickly fell back onto the scene before him. Perhaps he should gift the drawing to Canada once it was complete. That seemed like a good topic to think about intently. 

He continued to add detail as he waited for Japan to speak more. However, it wouldn’t have been true to say that he wanted the conversation to continue. Japan was nice, but right now, Italy just needed a moment for himself. Perhaps the reason nations such as China and Canada preferred quiet was because there was a lot on their minds which demanded to be thought about.

Hopefully not. 

As his thoughts continued in this pattern, Japan was far too curious about his friend’s odd behavior to leave the discussion as it was. Italy hadn’t greeted Japan, nor seemingly anyone else, and he seemed strangely subdued and tired. 

“Italy?” He received a hum in response. “Are you feeling well?”

Once Italy put his pencil down, he smiled the brightest smile he could manage. “Veh, I didn’t sleep well last night. I need a nap is all. Hopefully, Germany will end today’s conference early.” 

Japan took in the shadows under Italy’s eyes, along with the uncharacteristic attitude, and sympathy made its way into his words as he spoke. “Let us hope so. I may be able to convince Germany to cut today short even. Let me go talk to him.”

Italy’s eyes lit up as he nodded at Japan, and part of him was grateful that Japan interrupted him earlier. No thanks would have been enough.

When Italy began adding details to his drawing once more, however, Japan knew the conversation had ended, and he made his way to where Germany was preparing his papers. 

* * *

“Would you like to join me for lunch?” Japan asked Italy after the meeting had ended. 

Japan didn’t like the way he had been acting. To him, it seemed Italy was acting in his normal manner out of obligation more than sincerity, and while discussion had been cut short for the day, the way Italy stayed close to his brother while waiting for the okay to return home rather than passing time with his friends was suspicious. 

A subtle expression of surprise made its way onto Italy's face. On any other day, Italy would never turn down the offer, and the offer itself was a rare one. It made sense that he had to accept. As much as he cherished his friendship with Japan, though, the thought of his bed back home seemed so comforting. 

Still, he pushed past his fatigue and agreed to come along. “I’d love to.”

He quickly excused himself in order to let Romano know that he would be with Japan and not wandering off — not that he had an inclination to do that again at any point in the future — and the two made their way out of the building. 

As they walked the path to Japan’s house, Italy searched every facet of his brain for topics to speak about. Certainly, there had to have been cute girls recently that he could fawn over, but he couldn’t remember any. He could talk about his favorite dishes, always an interesting topic, but the thought of food wasn’t settling well with his stomach despite the fact that they were on their way to lunch. Perhaps Germany had mentioned new plans for their next training session that he couldn’t recall.

At the silence, Japan didn’t feel comfortable letting his normally bubbly friend stew in his troubled thoughts. Although he wanted to wait until the two were indoors once again to mention the topic in hopes of giving Italy a more comfortable, familiar place to talk, Japan spoke up, and he caught sight of how Italy startled at his voice.

“I know I asked you earlier, but I’d like to ask again. Is everything alright? I’ve seen you in need of a nap, and you’re acting differently from that today.”

“Nothing can be hidden from you, can it?” Italy let a chuckle fall from his lips. “Something happened yesterday, and I don’t know what to think just yet. I, veh, just need time to think about it, and I’ll be better by the end of the week. Okay?”

“Perhaps I could give you input? I’m sure everyone would like you to feel better soon.”

For his part, Italy wasn’t too keen about the idea that others had noticed his abnormal behavior, but he also didn’t believe for a second that anyone was as observant as Japan. Even if he had been as easy to read as per usual, everyone in the meeting room had been particularly concerned with petty fights today. It was thankful that he wasn’t in one of them.

“This is something I want to understand on my own. It’s my turn to prove that I can do things on my own.” 

Italy’s expression as he spoke only fueled Japan’s curiosity. The determination which should have been the undertone of such a sentence wasn’t there, rather it was concealed entirely by one of weariness and feigned confidence. As much as this made Japan want to disregard courtesy and manners in exchange for persistence, he took a controlled breath. It would do no good to push for information, and perhaps Italy’s behavior would level out once more as the week came to a close just as he’d expressed. 

“Well, you have my support. Best of luck.”

He led Italy inside, and the two kicked off their shoes at the entrance. If Japan could do nothing else to show support, at least, he would be able to make his friend’s favorite Japanese meal. 

“If you wouldn’t mind, I’m going to prepare a late lunch for us. It shouldn’t take any longer than fifteen minutes. I’ll bring out tea soon, and until then, you’re free to enjoy any entertainment that you wish.”

Italy gave him a quick thanks, and Japan turned to head toward the kitchen. Thankfully, Italy took a liking to a quick, simple dish: noritama furikake.


	2. A Problematic Resolve

As the following week passed, Italy had half a mind to sit his past self down and lecture the idiot about scheduling. He had plans to meet up with so many people, and he was only able to avoid half of them. Sure, he should have been feeling better by now, and honestly, he did. If nothing else, his body had healed, but he felt so exhausted.

He was able to tell America that something came up closer to home, and he couldn’t come all the way to the states. He’d also thought to go see big brother France, but thankfully it was supposed to be a surprise visit and no formal cancellation was needed. Avoiding Prussia became harder by the day, though.

As long as Italy had to attend Germany’s unruly training, Prussia always knew where he’d be, and although Prussia had a loud, outgoing personality, the man could read him like a book. That was exactly the type of attention he wanted to avoid after a morning of training with Japan — who had been watching him particularly closely as of late — and Germany — who couldn’t help but wonder why Italy had suddenly started taking training much more seriously. 

And that he had. Besides… it was his duty as a nation to get stronger. No human would ever find the opportunity to overpower him again. 

He was no master of hand-to-hand combat yet like Germany nor was he one of stamina like Japan, but in a week, he was leaps and bounds ahead of what he had been before. Even though he ended many days panting and nearly out of breath, the few moments of ragged breathing were worth the payoff. 

Japan, at first, was thankful to see Italy’s newfound determination, but considering that this change only occurred the day after he began acting strangely, and taking into account how severely he had pushed himself over the past week brought about uncertainty in his mind. Something about it felt far too coincidental and concerning. Although Italy’s mannerisms had mostly returned to normal, there were simply occurrences which Japan had trouble explaining away. 

Similarly, Germany felt pride in Italy’s display of determination in the first few days. He hadn’t questioned the motivation behind the sudden change until he noticed Japan sending reserved glances in Italy’s direction throughout training. A worrisome Japan meant a worrisome Germany.

In lieu of the group’s unprecedented shift in dynamic, came all the unexpected situations they hadn’t encountered before. 

For instance, Italy dry heaving after finishing the final lap of distance running was certainly not expected. What was even less so was when his knees gave out, and he kneeled down to lose his stomach.

A chorus of “Italy!” rang out, and Prussia who had heard the ruckus ran out of the house to join them.

Germany quickly yelled out for his brother to bring out a large glass of water as both he and Japan quickly focused what remained of their energy on Italy. Japan, despite him not being the most physically touchy person, rubbed circles on Italy’s back in an attempt to calm him down, and his other hand was on Italy’s shoulder prompting him to sit upright. Meanwhile, Germany spoke of random nothings in an attempt to have Italy focus on anything but his panic.

The sound of Prussia’s hasty footsteps became louder, and he sped from the house with an alarmed expression. His palm covered the top of the glass as he ran. “What happened to him?” He exclaimed as he knelt down. “Hey, Ita-chan, take a deep breath, and take a drink of water. Okay? Small sips.” He helped Italy tip the glass up, and everyone watched as Italy’s body finally began to break out of its shock.

“Veh… I’m okay guys,” Italy said wearily, “I’m just tired from running, I think.”

“That’s alright,” Germany told him. “Rest. We’ll try again tomorrow, but for now, you’re dismissed from training.”

“I can keep going now.”

“You need to let your body rest before you do more damage.” Unwilling to hear a rebuttal, he turned to Prussia after his explanation. “Can you take him inside, Prussia? Japan and I will finish up out here then join you.”

Prussia had already offered his hand to Italy by the end of the sentence, but he stood up without accepting. Although the rejection in and of itself was odd, there was a mutual, unspoken agreement among the group that the oddity was one of least importance for the moment. Once more, Italy was offered the glass of water as they made their way inside. 

“Hey, Ita, are you good? You had us scared for a moment there. What happened?”

“I think I ran too fast when trying to keep pace with Japan.”

“West did say that you’ve been trying real hard lately.” He gave a light pat on Italy’s shoulder, as he had collapsed outside only minutes prior. “Don’t push yourself too hard. You’ll hurt yourself.” With a laugh, he continued, “And if you ever want to get out of training, just sneak inside. I’m awesome enough that I’ll cover for you!”

Italy let out a chuckle at the suggestion as well. Prussia was surprisingly calmer than he had anticipated, and that was a pleasant surprise. Not to mention that the two were originally supposed to spend time together after training. Maybe now Prussia would give him some space, and the afternoon wouldn’t be so stressful. Perhaps something good came from him feeling like death warmed over.

“We’ll get some lunch inside of you once the others finish up,” Prussia said. “What made you start working so hard? If I were you I’d have kept ditching those daily runs. You’re already good at it, and West’s drills from hell are in no way easy.”

He tensed a bit. “Well, I need to start taking what it means to be a nation seriously.”

Prussia’s head tilted as a look of reserve came across his face. “You already do. Sure, you may not be the strongest in battle, but — don’t tell West, okay? — neither am I. And you listen to your people.” Only when he saw Italy taking a moment to think about his words did he continue. “So don’t try so hard that you hurt yourself, okay? If you do it again, though, I’ll come to help you.”

“Thank you, Prussia,” he said with a tired smile.

“Drink some water and lay down. We’ll wake you when lunch is ready.”

“It’s not awesome that you can’t finish your meal, but it’s better that you don't get sick again. We can put it in the fridge, and you can finish it later.”

Lunch was great. It really was, but for some reason, Italy still couldn’t stomach the thought of eating more than half of it. Maybe it was because his body was still in shock, but that should have worn off after his rest. No matter how delicious it tasted, his stomach wouldn’t be able to handle any more of the meal. 

“Sorry, Prussia. It tasted really good, though!”

“Italy’s right. Thank you for the meal, Prussia.” Japan took another bite. Although he was more accustomed to his usual Asian cuisine, occasionally the western nations were able to produce some relatively delectable dishes. 

Germany then stood and took both his and Italy’s plates as he moved toward the kitchen. “Sorry again for being so sudden, but I need to leave about now. My boss won’t tolerate it if I’m late. Thanks again. I’ve got dinner covered for tonight.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Prussia said looking over the counter, “Ita-chan and I will prepare something.”

“Mhmm. That’s right, Germany. And no arguments.”

They knew there would be none either. Conferences with the bosses were rarely something to celebrate, and it would do everyone good to not dwell on the subject. The last thing on Germany’s mind was dinner plans.

With that and some more thanks, Germany took his leave, and soon after, Japan and Prussia finished their meals. 

Once Japan finished putting his things away, however, he came up to Italy and said without preface, “I apologize if you overexerted yourself from trying to keep up with me. We’re all proud of your determination, but we should have been more attentive. During tomorrow’s training, if you’d like, we can slow our pace to allow you to run comfortably alongside us?”

As Italy heard these words, frustration began to creep up on him for a reason he simply couldn’t logic out. However, instead of entertaining such negativity, he responded with a calm but resolute tone, “No. I will catch up.”

“But after today, it would be safer to-”

“Japan.” Italy took a breath after his hasty interruption. “Veh, I will catch up to you, Germany, and Prussia. I’m a nation, and I can take it.” 

His unbothered smile did little to ease Japan’s worries. For a moment, he stood there looking at his friend simply in contemplation. “Would you answer me one question?” He finally said.

“Hmm?”

“I’d like to know what caused you to suddenly become so dedicated to our training.”

“Veh? That’s all? It’s like I told Prussia. I realized I need to take my role as a nation more seriously.”

“I don’t take very kindly to being lied to, and I’d greatly appreciate the truth, Italy.”

There was an emotion in Japan’s voice which Italy couldn’t place, but the words alone left him frozen. Japan, who was typically the most keep-to-yourself individual, notably more so when the topic delved into another’s life, was in front of Italy inquiring about his motivations for so-called personal change. 

And it was something he wasn’t inclined to talk about.

Instead of brushing off the question, he decided half-truths were always more effective than any lie he could create on the spot. “I want to become stronger for myself. My friends and Romano are all strong, and I need to be like that, too.”

“You’ve always mentioned wanting to be like your brother. I believe you, but I’d like to think there is more you aren’t telling me. Excuse me when I say that I believe I know my closest friends better than that.”

He’s right; he does know better than to accept such an excuse. To tell the full truth was still something Italy found to be out of reach, however. “Japan, what if there comes a day when I’m not able to even hold my own against an opponent? I don’t want to be so weak that I can’t protect myself against that. How can I be a good personification of my country if I don’t get stronger?”

A rare comforting smile made its way to Japan’s face. “I see. That’s what you have been thinking lately. I promise you that such a day will never come. You may be quick on your feet, but you are also willing to fight to protect others. And though I doubt that such a day ever comes, I will be by your side to act as support if the need arises.”

The confession made Italy’s eyes water. There was no good way to explain that such a day had already come and that Japan wasn’t there to prevent it. Against a human, no less. Nobody was to say if Japan or anyone else would be there as support if it ever happened again. 

That was information he didn’t plan to voice.

Nobody would ever look at him the same if he were to say that he had been overpowered by a human. That was simply unbecoming of a nation.

“Can I hug you, Japan?”

Not once could Japan remember a time when Italy showed reserve when it came to hugs, or just about any physical contact, and if for that and nothing else, he took a step closer and let Italy’s arms wrap around him. 

The instant Italy felt Japan return the hug, he had to refrain from clutching desperately at the cloth on Japan’s back or burying his face into his shoulder. Happy Italy would give a common tight squeeze, chin resting lightly on the other’s shoulder. Letting tension seep into his fingertips would even be a giveaway.

When they broke apart, Japan gave another word of encouragement along with one of advice, and they went their separate ways. 

Unfortunately for Italy, he knew Prussia was killing time in another room and expecting him any minute. Maybe he’d be able to use the excuse that he was still feeling too tired from training to hang out. Poor Prussia would be worried if he said that, or maybe he’d even get another lecture. Five more minutes of overprotective lecturing seemed a fair tradeoff for a free afternoon. 

Romano planned to spend the evening with Spain, too, so he really would be able to have a night to himself. That was scary, though. He would be alone, and although that’s what he had wanted the whole day, the thought of going through with it made anxiety build in his chest. It was exhausting to have to choose when none of the choices seemed appealing. However, if he went to bed, it wouldn’t matter.

“Hey, Prussia,” Italy said as he walked toward where Prussia was sitting.

“Sup. Did Japan leave?” He received a nod in response, and he hummed before continuing. “Everyone’s busy. At least you’re here, but you shouldn’t do too much until you feel better.”

A perfect opening. “Yeah. I think I’m going to go home and take a siesta until Fratello comes home. I still don’t feel well.”

“Rather than go back, maybe you should stay here. You didn’t eat much today. Just lunch, right?” Italy was starting to become tired of his friends’ hyperawareness in regards to him; he hadn’t mentioned if he’d had breakfast. “And the way back is kinda far. If you stay here, you can have West’s bed and the awesome me as your caretaker, awaiting your every need. Then you can have leftovers for dinner.”

Although not the most ideal situation, at least Prussia would let him sleep, and then Italy wouldn’t be alone like if he went back to wait for Romano. Sure, he wasn’t sick, but apparently, his episode from this morning earned him the sick person role for the day.

Whatever. There were enough pros to outweigh the cons, so he agreed and stayed with Prussia on the couch as the other gamed — thankfully with the volume lowered — until he fell asleep.

“Wake up. Come on!”

Italy opened his eyes to Prussia kneeling at the bedside calling his name, but as he was still in the throes of his nightmare, the dimmed figure could have been anyone. Unfortunately, Italy’s brain took him to be the assailant from his dreams, and not only wasn’t he prepared for it, Prussia wasn’t either.

“Stop thrashing. It’s me, Ita-chan!” He leaned closer, but the movement only put Italy more on edge. Once Prussia noticed this, he took a step back and began speaking in a controlled voice until recognition made its way into Italy’s eyes. With only moderate certainty that Italy had come to recognize where he was and who he was with, Prussia said to him, “Can you tell me my name?”

For a few moments, he stared hard into Prussia’s eyes as if trying to ascertain something before answering. “You’re the awesome Prussia,” he finally said with a weary smile.

Prussia returned the gesture, “Yeah, I am. Glad to see you’re back.”

Italy looked around, and upon seeing the pitch black which showed through the window, he asked with a tic, “Did Germany come back home yet?”

“Yeah, he’s already asleep in my room, but I was still up in the living room when I heard you and came by to check.” Italy took in the information without anything to say. Prussia, who wasn’t quite sure how to handle his normally outgoing friend’s silence went on to say, “Um, are you feeling better now? That was more of a nightmare than a fever dream.”

He didn’t want to talk about his nightmare. “I feel a lot better now, Prussia!” Italy said with a bounce to his words, and though he didn’t come close enough to touch the other, he leaned closer to show that he was indeed calm again. “You calmed me down from the dream I was having, so everything’s better now.”

“Do you want to stay up with me until you fall back to sleep again?”

Prussia led Italy, who was glad that he wouldn’t be alone, back to the living room. They passed the room in which Germany was sleeping, and the door was ajar with no sound coming from within. 

“You can lean into my shoulder. I’ll watch with just subtitles so you can get back to sleep. Just don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

Despite how out of character it felt, Italy wasn’t too sure he wanted to be held by Prussia. If he were being held too tight, would he panic again? Maybe things were simpler. He hadn’t wanted much of anyone to touch him recently. Could that be why he felt tense? Nothing bad would come from leaning against him, though. Prussia was nice. Cuddling with Prussia had only ever made him feel comfortable in the past. For some reason, this time was different.

Oh, maybe he’d been waiting for too long. There wasn’t time to think about it. Worrying Prussia wasn’t his aim, and he had always gladly accepted the opportunity every other time it came up.

“Veh, that’s so nice. Thanks,” he said drowsily. They sat down on the couch, and Prussia let Italy lean into him.

They stayed like that for a long while, nothing but the quiet of night and a vague buzz from the television filling the air.

Then out of nowhere, Prussia said, “You’d tell us if something were wrong, right?” The room returned to silence for a brief pause. “You’re tense.” Still, no response came. Prussia rubbed Italy’s arm with the hand that was wrapped around him. “Let’s hope you sleep well the rest of the night. I’ll protect you.”

The light flickered off just after a click from the remote could be heard. Prussia made no move to get up or move Italy. It wouldn’t do any good to awaken the other again. He simply closed his eyes, and pulled the blanket over himself some more.

“Eat up,” Germany said as he came to tell Prussia and Italy that breakfast was ready.

Seeing the two asleep on the couch was certainly an interesting sight for Germany to wake up to that morning, especially considering he’d already been forbidden from sleeping in his own bed. As he started cooking though, he heard murmurs and shuffling coming from the other room which suggested they’d woken up. 

That, at least, saved Germany the task of having to drag Italy, a well-known late riser, from his sleep in time for morning training with Japan. That said, there was always the possibility that he wouldn’t be joining given his incident yesterday. That was certainly something to consider before allowing him to participate in today’s session.

Each of them filled their plates and took a seat. Although Italy surprisingly still didn’t have much of an appetite, he started to dig into what had been prepared.

“Are you feeling any better, Italy?” Germany asked him as he took a bite from his own plate. He was already having reservations about allowing Italy to join them today. The lack of enthusiasm Italy showed for his dish only built his argument, but he decided that hearing a report from the source would be what truly swayed his decision.

Italy gave a hum in agreement. “Yesterday, I had a headache and it was hard to breathe, but I feel a lot better now.”

At first, laying against Prussia the night before made him feel extremely anxious and tense. Based on how rested he felt, though, he could only guess that his body recognized that it wasn’t guarding its surroundings alone, and that allowed him to relax. He may have been none too eager to be so close to someone again for a while, but at least, he was able to make up for lost sleep.

“You got enough sleep, right,” Prussia asked, “and you aren’t sore?”

“Mhmm, I feel fine, and I got enough sleep, too.” His body did feel a bit sore, but that’s how he’s supposed to feel after trying so hard in training, right? He would get used to it with another couple weeks of perseverance.

“Good to see you’re feeling well again.”

“Awesome to hear.”

With that matter cleared, Germany asked in confirmation, “So will you be joining us in training today?”

Again, Italy nodded. “Yeah! I wouldn’t miss it.”

Germany eyed him skeptically, still not adjusted to an Italy who wanted to participate in training. Then, when he got over his stupor, he lowered his head in approval and gave Italy the okay to join them.

Only after Italy got clearance from Germany did Prussia undertake the mother-hen role of the friend group. “If you’re gonna be running around, you gotta eat more than that. I already had half a mind to chastise you for eating so little yesterday. Finish your plate, then you get seconds. Then you’ll be ready to go.”

To Italy, who wasn’t particularly sure he would be able to finish what was in front of him, a second portion seemed daunting. “But Prussia,” he whined, his words trailing into nothing.

“No buts. It will be a few more hours before Japan comes, so your food should have more than enough time to digest.” Prussia stared him down with the confidence of a man who thought himself in charge of a younger brother.

Italy cast a glance to Germany, hoping for help in convincing Prussia to see reason. He could eat a plate, but a second serving was just unreasonable.

“He’s right Italy. It’s rare, but I’m in agreement with my brother on this. Eat up or you will be dismissed from training again today.”

Although begrudgingly, Italy put another couple of spoonfuls in his mouth as Prussia’s self-confidence rose a bit higher. The two brothers followed in suit.

Yet somehow, as an hour passed, he couldn’t convince himself to eat a second plate. Despite his pathetic meals from yesterday, today’s single serving of breakfast was enough to quell his appetite. Honestly, the food sat like a rock in his stomach, as most meals had the last couple of weeks. 

Maybe cuisine from his own country would be easier to handle, or even from Japan. Asian nations did tend to have lighter options.

As per what Germany and Prussia agreed upon, however, Italy was dismissed from practice due to his inability to finish breakfast. He hadn’t been able to compensate for yesterday’s and today’s planned energy expenditure, according to his captain.

That reason alone hadn’t satisfied Italy, however. As Japan and German spoke outside, Italy considered how to participate in practice without actually attending. He certainly wouldn’t have any luck in swaying the opinions of those around him. 

A voice that went unheard called for him as he was lost in thought. “Hey, Ita-chan. Are you...?” Prussia’s voice trailed off as he realized that Italy hadn’t noticed his words. Walking closer, He tried again, his tone becoming playful and singsongy. “Hey, Ita. It’s rude to leave a guy hanging,” he said. When he ended his sentence with a solid clap on Italy’s shoulder, that’s when he knew the younger had broken out of his dazed state. Unfortunately, he found out majorly due to the flinch which Italy was unable to hide. 

It made Prussia livid as his body tensed as well at the reaction. 

He’d seen Italy have nightmares before. He’d seen the man cry earnest tears. There’d been times when Italy simply felt the dread that came with being a nation, and he’d sought out the more experienced Prussia. 

Italy flinching at his touch, having panic attacks in the middle of the night, and pushing himself to the point of exhaustion were things he had never encountered. Knowing that there was something unknown to Prussia which caused his friend to change so drastically almost overnight — though he acknowledged that Italy’s change in behavior dated to a particular meeting which took place a few weeks back — made him see red. His train of thought broke when Italy spoke to him.

“Oh, sorry, Prussia!” Italy tried to recover with a grin. He leaned forward to grab hold of Prussia’s hands despite the fact that touching skin felt increasingly more like pins and needles. “I thought you were someone else. I remember, veh, hearing that China had to meet with Russia today, and I wondered if he was okay because Russia can be really intimidating. Then you tapped me, and I got confused.” 

Like hell Italy had been thinking about China and Russia, but Prussia didn’t need to know that. He’d heard it earlier, but that wasn’t on his mind. 

Red eyes stared into Italy’s with ferocity that quickly faded into hesitance. For the moment, he would take Italy’s word. He wasn’t one to lie, and that’s how he had been since Prussia had known him. 

“Tell me why you flinched.” 

He answered with a response that he’d been practicing like a mantra just in case he found himself in a situation like this. “You just caught me off guard. I promise.” Prussia was persistent when he wanted to be, and hesitation would do nothing but encourage his overcurious questions. 

For his part, Prussia wanted to believe Italy, but he just didn’t. Despite the initial scare, Italy’s attitude had become carefree and bubbly once more. The speed of the turn around didn’t sit right with Prussia, and his gut told him not to be complacent.

“Did something happen before the meeting two weeks ago?”

Italy had to restrain himself from saying, “It didn’t happen,” because “it” implied that something most certainly did happen. Hmm, perhaps that’s why he still felt so terrible. Telling himself “it” made it real. Perhaps he should be saying something else.

“Nothing happened.”

Yeah, that would certainly make him feel better. 

After some convincing, Prussia finally dropped the topic. He also said his goodbyes and that he ought to get things ready for Romano’s return since he no longer had training to busy his morning. 

Sure, that wasn’t entirely true, but he’d be able to do his own form of training before his brother got home by saying this. Honestly, that was the most important thing because he needed to make himself stronger. Regardless of if he was given clearance or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I hope you enjoyed today's chapter. Please consider leaving your thoughts in the comments because I love seeing what my audience thinks ^_^
> 
> next chapter: The Issue of the Link


	3. The Issue of the Link

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I straight up copy-pasted this from my google doc, so I'm praying that it's formatted okay. I'll double check this and make any necessary formatting edits tomorrow, but it _should_ be fine as is.  
> 

Romano had a splitting headache, and he was absolutely certain that his younger brother was to blame. His body  _ ached _ , and he had to wonder how cruel Italy was to forget their rule to always avoid conflict. It wasn’t just his own body that was affected by the pain.

“What’s wrong, Roma?” 

Spain had been with him for the majority of the day. Therefore, he’d listened to Romano’s steadily increasing complaints that he had a headache. To say the man was worried was a bit of an understatement, but there was no point in dignifying those worries over something that was probably an accident or a misunderstanding gone too far. 

Just because Spain shouldn’t be worried though, didn’t mean Romano wasn’t in the throes of anxiety. Hell, the day before, his head felt so dizzy in the morning that he was convinced he would have fainted had he not taken a second to acknowledge that the pain was being transferred to him from Feliciano’s body, not his own. He also woke up in the middle of the night with a jolt for seemingly no reason. Although the occurrences were not necessarily connected, he didn’t want to get overconfident and cast aside the possibility. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Romano told Spain in a haste. Grabbing his jacket, he explained, “I’m going now. My dumbass little brother is gonna be lectured to hell and back, and the rest doesn’t concern you.”

“But–”

“This doesn’t concern you!” God, the bastard didn’t know when to let a subject drop, and Romano surely didn’t have the time for this.

Holding the door closed so Romano couldn’t leave, Spain pressed on, determined to learn more. “You said he was fine,” he said, daring Romano to challenge him. 

“And he is. He’s just being stupid.”

“Romano!” 

“If you don’t move from in front of the door,” Romano pointed his arm straight out beside him, “then I’m leaving through that window. Your choice.”

A pause.

“Text me when you see him. Please.”

* * *

How he had even managed to leave his keys at Spain’s he didn’t know. He fished the spare key from its hiding spot, and he closed the door harshly behind him. Now, if his headache from hell would go away, the day might actually start to look up. 

“Veneziano.”

When he heard no response, he tried once more, calling out his brother’s name. Torn between frustration and distress, Romano began to wander, searching each room. No aroma came from the kitchen, there wasn’t the sound of running water to indicate that he was in the shower, and of course, Romano should have guessed that he was taking a siesta. 

“Hey,” Romano called with a bite to his voice as he walked closer to his brother’s bed. The younger didn’t move, and Romano took a closer look at him. His face was flushed all over and his breathing came out slightly ragged. If the headache Romano had was even half of what Veneziano was dealing with… “Oh, shit.” Romano mumbled to himself.

Romano grabbed his shoulder and shook him slightly. There was no reason for his breathing to be uneven, and that was a realization which terrified Romano. 

“Get up, you jerk,” he said with only a slight waver to his words. “I’ve had a headache all day because of you.”

The younger’s eyes shot open, but at the sight of his brother, he calmed himself. How did he deal with people always touching him before? He was sincerely starting to understand why countries like Japan insisted on keeping people out of his personal space. 

“Fratello,” he started as he shimmied away from Romano’s hand, “you’re home early. How was big brother Spain?” Perhaps a part of him did want to keep Romano’s hand where it was, but he had a feeling that he would have grown to regret that indulgence the longer it went on. 

“He’s fine.” Romano focused on his own breathing. Whatever had been hindering Veneziano's breathing, Romano couldn’t feel it before and he still couldn’t notice it now. “Can you breathe okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah. Germany made us work really hard in training today,” Italy said with a convincing pout. “He let us go early since we worked so hard.” 

Under his breath, Romano sent a curse Germany’s way before returning to the conversation at hand. “Forget the Potato Bastard’s stupid training. It won’t do you any good, and it certainly isn’t doing me any good.” He took a seat next to Veneziano and nudged him, “I’ve been dealing with your dumb headache all day.”

“Veh, really? I’m sorry.”

“At least drink some water to fend off dehydration. That sure as hell isn’t helping either of us feel better.” He gestured to the full glass of water that was atop of the nightstand. As Veneziano took a couple controlled sips, Romano kept speaking, hitting the core of the topic. “And is there any reason you’d like to give for why you’ve felt like absolute shit these past couple weeks? It’s not just your training.”

Although Italy wasn’t feeling thirsty when he first put the cup to his lips, he quickly learned that he would eagerly take more gulps if it gave him a moment to process his thoughts before answering Romano. It was foolish to think that Romano would simply let this topic go undiscussed. It was pathetically foolish. For all their lives they’ve been at least vaguely attuned to each other’s pain, and to think this time would be different was, as he’d just realized, inexplicably  _ foolish _ .

“I don’t know.”

He also couldn’t understand why he’d been lying so much more. While it was true that he wasn’t sure why headaches, chills, and such unending aches had suddenly started to wreck his body, he knew why he was jumpy and why blind panic had started to take hold of him over things that otherwise never used to bother him. None of that was an excuse for lying to everyone, and deceiving them was its own form of pain that he wasn’t used to. However, there were obviously more uncomfortable things, or he would have stopped his lies after the first. 

Romano looked into Italy’s eyes. “That’s a pathetic lie,” he said. “At least try to make them–” His words came to an abrupt stop, and his eyes widened. The words he said next were monotone in petrified realization. “You lied to me.”

The stare was returned.

“Only halfway.” 

Silence filled the air for a moment as Romano waited for Italy to say something, searching for something to say himself. 

“Veh, I’m tired, Fratello. I want to sleep.”

A dumbfounded expression remained on Romano’s face as his brother spoke. When he regained control of himself, he pushed himself to the other side of the bed, then fell back so his head came to rest with a bounce against one of the pillows. 

“Romano?”

“I’m tired, too, and since it’s your headache that’s making me feel like shit, you get to deal with my presence until I wake up.”

Italy looked over Romano, whose eyes stayed determinedly closed. Unsure of what to say, he laid down as well. As he listened to his brother’s breaths, which signified that he was still awake, one phrase replayed incessantly in his mind: don’t tense.

Soon enough, he’d be strong enough to never have to worry again. Tension wouldn’t find its way into his body. Even other nations wouldn’t be able to outclass him. He just had to find a way to keep Romano from feeling any of the backlash that had been affecting him lately. Letting up on training wasn’t an option. Surely, there had to be a way to placate Romano without hindering his self-improvement. All Italy had to do was find it. 

He just couldn’t figure out why he felt so poorly, and not knowing the cause made the search for a solution impossible. With the practice he was doing, shouldn’t his body have started to feel better, not worse? 

For the better part of an hour, he thought.

Italy was no medic, and it crossed his mind that perhaps he should ask Japan to tell him what was wrong, what he should do. It made sense since Japan grew up with China, the most medically inclined of the nations. Even if Japan didn’t know how to help, China would certainly take a look at his younger brother’s behest. 

His train of thought continued in vaguely similar directions until the rise and fall of his chest finally calmed. 

Then, when Romano was certain that his brother had fallen asleep once again, he opened his eyes.

For a moment, he stared at Italy’s back.

Then, after taking some time to simply observe, he sat up slowly so as not to disturb the other’s rest, and he pulled out his phone. Romano was none too pleased, and he had to make some calls. It was just a struggle to choose who he needed to call first. 

When the phone started ringing in his hands, though, he had half a mind to smash it into the ground to make it shut up. “What’s wrong with you, Tomato Bastard? Your call could have woken Veneziano!” He said into the receiver with furious half-yell. 

“You didn’t call back,” Spain explained in a haste. “Is everything alright there?”

Spain heard a sigh from the other line as Romano took a step outside on the off chance that Italy had been roused somewhat. “No. I was about to call you. I said I would.”

“Sorry, Roma. A couple hours already passed, and…”

“So you decided that your own impatience was a valid reason to wake my brother? Jerk.“

Cutting off Romano’s rant, Spain said, “Are you done being mad at me? Because it seemed like you had more you wanted to say, and I think you’d rather spend your time on that instead.” 

In the silence coming from the other line, Spain was almost able to picture Romano’s expression of defeat, cheeks puffed in resigned silence. What Spain had said was correct, and Romano knew it. Rather than acknowledge the shift in the atmosphere, Romano continued speaking once again, keeping steadfastly to the topic at hand. 

“You know he’s felt like shit lately because I have, too. When I came home today, he was having a siesta, and he wasn’t breathing right. I woke him, and he jumped. When I asked why he felt terrible the past week, he lied. He knows what’s wrong but won’t say it. What’s worse is that Veneziano doesn’t lie.”

“He wasn’t breathing right?” Spain asked in a hoarse voice. The sentence made him pale, and a cold bough of unease clasped onto his chest. No matter for a human or a nation, suffocation was a cause for concern.

“That’s what I just said. I think that’s nothing to worry about since I didn’t feel it. It should be fine the next time he wakes, but damn him for giving me a heart attack when I walked into the room. He lied. That’s where the focus needs to be.”

“Roma, I think you’re mistaken. Shouldn’t you be more worried about–”

“My brother doesn’t lie. Not to me.”

“It’s naive to think that he’s lived as a nation for so long without lying once. Surely, you have to know that.”

“He’s lied four times in his life, and I know of each time in excruciating detail. He doesn’t lie to me. End of story.”

The confidence with which Romano made his declaration encouraged Spain to calm himself and agree that perhaps there were a couple thousand years of evidence to support the claim. He was interested to know more about the lies Italy had told in his past, but that wasn’t a discussion to be had now. 

With a bit of hesitance to his voice, Spain asked, “What would be something he had to hide from you if he’s never done so before?”

Only static filled the receiver. “Throughout his life, he’s told me every terrible thing he’s done or that’s been done to him. Just like us, his life hasn’t been only sunshine and roses, and no matter how much I don’t want to think about it, I know something took place that changed Veneziano. Whatever happened, I’ll kill the bastard who caused it.”

“Would he tell someone if it weren’t you asking?”

“No. Don’t tell a soul about this.” The order came out harsh, but Romano wasn’t in a mood to spare anyone but his brother’s feelings. “As far as I know, us and Japan are the only people who have noticed a change in him. Don’t stir anything. Do Veneziano the courtesy of not being bombarded by those pathetic egoists that are our colleagues.”

“They’re our friends even if you don’t wanna say it, Roma.”

“Not in this. Got that? I’m not kidding this time.”

A pause. “Okay. I hope you know what you’re doing. For Ita’s sake.”

The call ended, and with it, Spain pocketed his phone while Romano stared at the screen of his for longer. 

“I have no fucking idea what I’m doing,” Romano said in a breath as if responding to what Spain had said last. 

Before he was able to rest, though, he had one more call he needed to make. 

Damn, why couldn’t Veneziano just suck it up and talk to him like always? Talking with members of the former Axis was the last thing he wanted to do.

As the call pick-up sound played and a reserved, “Hello,” came, Romano realized there was no going back.

“Hey, Japan. You’ve been with my brother a lot the past couple weeks, right? Tell me if he’s been acting weird. Oh, and tell me how the Potato Ba– Germany altered training recently.” Talking to Japan had never been his forte, and he never thought he’d have to do it again after their last interaction. Their sheer difference in manners was a minefield which Romano never thought he could navigate. At the very least, he owed the other nation the attempt at base level etiquette that was refraining from vulgarity. 

Also, if he wanted Japan to answer his questions, going about the conversation as he would normally certainly wouldn’t have been a point in his favor. 

Still the brusque nature of Romano’s words took Japan by surprise. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. About Italy, is everything alright? I assume something must have prompted this call, and I have to presume it had something to do with him. 

“Although his behavior has changed noticeably since the meeting a few weeks ago, I’m not exactly sure what information you’re hoping to hear.”

“He’s fine right now. Just tell me–” Romano bit his tongue, and as he chastised his own discourtesy, he thought that it might have been easier to call Germany. If he did that, then he wouldn’t feel so bad about his harshness. However, he didn’t want to clue in Germany if the man was still oblivious to what was going on. “Sorry. Veneziano’s okay for now. I just want you to tell me everything about the changes in his personality, and if you know what changed it, that too.”

Japan said little that Romano didn’t already know, and part of him was relieved that some ‘other’ didn’t know his little brother better than he did. What did come as a surprise was Veneziano’s fainting spell from the day before. He seethed silently as he listened to Japan explain that there was also no difference in daily training outside of Italy’s own performance.

“I’m sorry. I wish I knew what sparked the change. It wasn’t something that happened during the meeting since he was subdued when I first walked into the room. Do you know of anything that happened before you two arrived?”

Romano shook his head despite Japan not being in the room to see it. “No. He was up late the night before, but we left almost immediately after waking up the next morning.” He had only one more thing to ask. “Has Germany noticed the change?”

“Germany started paying closer attention to Italy once he noticed my apprehension, but I don’t believe he understood that something bigger was taking place until yesterday’s abrupt stop in training. I may be incorrect, but it seems Prussia has taken greater note of Italy’s change than Germany has.”

Romano’s lips formed a thin line. He hadn’t accounted for this. Thankfully, the Potato Bastard was relatively in the dark, but the Potato Bastard’s brother wasn’t someone he’d have expected to have an observant bone in his body. 

“Don’t spread the word, and keep Prussia from doing so, too. I’ll get him to talk to me.” The how of the matter was a mystery since he’d never had to work for Veneziano’s trust before, but he made the promise.

The two continued their phone conversation for a few moments longer as Japan inquired further about Italy’s condition and Romano got a better understanding of how Italy’s interactions with his allies had been recently.

“Should I be expecting to hear from you again, Romano?”

A snarky remark about how he desperately hoped to avoid another stressful conversation of navigating etiquette perhaps wasn’t the best thing to say. Instead, he replied. “I don’t know, but I’d like you to keep this conversation in the back of your mind.”

As Romano’s hand fell from his ear, he leaned against the wall nearest to him. He took a calming breath, trying to recover from the call, and one word escaped his mouth. “Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not a fan of how this chapter turned out, but oh well. I hope you enjoyed! please consider leaving a comment ^_^


	4. Personal Truths

To Prussia, the difference in his friend was as prominent as the difference between night and day. 

Even though Italy had mostly maintained his outwardly extraverted personality, the difference was in each of the small things that had changed. He would hesitate before accepting touch, his schedule suddenly became busied by events that didn’t take place, and his latest dedication to training had turned into an obsession.

There were big changes too, and those were easier to see. There was also the possibility that Prussia had been the only witness to them. Italy began having panic attacks at things he shouldn’t and he would forget where he was or who he was with at times. Then there was the flinch. The way Italy had flinched so noticeably that night a few days ago was burned into Prussia’s mind.

Nation’s minds were tuned to be more resistant than those of humans — they were tuned to better handle the emotional stress of being a country’s personification — and there wasn’t anyone who didn’t know it. They were built to easily withstand and recover from the effects of torture and near death experiences at the hands of another nation. All that was true, yet some occurrence had reduced Italy’s mind to this state. Just acknowledging that had Prussia ready to seek out the nation at fault and put an end to them himself.

His piercing, cold gaze stayed forward-facing, focusing on nothing, as he sat absorbed in his thoughts.

It almost angered him that his brother only appeared mildly concerned about Italy. Even if Prussia was the only person to be witness to the more prominent examples of change, that wasn’t an excuse for Italy’s so-called best friend to remain oblivious to such an extent. Germany shouldn’t have even given Italy clearance to run in their daily laps the following days after he had been dismissed. Italy was exhausted and unfit to run. 

Prussia nearly made the move one day to pull Italy inside himself to keep him from performing the drill, but he stayed inside and quiet, deciding that he hadn’t wanted to deal with Germany’s frustration at his interference. Ten minutes into his decision, he wished he’d chosen differently. At that point, cutting in would have done more harm than good, though. Prussia had known the group long enough to understand that Germany wouldn’t have dismissed anyone willingly and that Italy would have insisted that he felt well enough to continue. Bullshit. 

“Prussia.”

The voice was dry and stern, but it pulled him from his trance. He looked up to see Germany.

“Are you okay?”

For a moment, he wondered how long he’d been staring at the wall. How could West stand there and inquire so casually about if he was doing well when he’d failed to do so with Italy for the past three days consecutively? Despite his annoyance at the situation, however, it felt nice to be asked.

“You’ve haven’t moved from that spot for the past twenty minutes.”

Prussia stood, and faced Germany. Then in an act of bravado, he said, “Everything’s awesome with me! There  _ is  _ something I was thinking about, though.” If nothing else, asking this question should help him decide exactly how annoyed he should be at his brother’s unawareness. “Do you know what’s happened with Ita-chan? You’ve gotta have noticed it, too. That something’s changed.”

“The biggest difference is that he’s putting effort into training, but that doesn’t mean something had to happen.” He took a second to think on his words. “Perhaps he’s been a bit more jumpy, too, but he’s always hated conflict and been quick to cry. I know you well enough to understand that you’re thinking of something specific to ask that question, though. What have you noticed?”

He had to restrain himself from letting out a sigh. Apparently, Germany was literally only able to read the atmosphere when it wasn’t important. Rather than completely disregard Italy’s privacy, it would be better to mention something that could be considered a small change. “He isn’t touchy feely anymore. You know it. He hasn’t even snuck in here at night lately. How can that be explained away?”

“It’s unusual for him to stay away from our place at night. I suppose you’re right about that being something to consider. Things too good to be true almost certainly are, but I don’t get what you mean by him not being affectionate anymore. He was hugging you just a couple days ago, and he’s now staying close to Japan in runs around town.”

“I hugged him. There’s no frame of reference for the second point.”

“And you hugging him changes something?”

“Listen to yourself, West. Has he jumped on you recently?”

“Well, no, but…”

“And did you not literally just say that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is?” Prussia watched Germany’s pensive expression for a moment. With his patience tested, though, he exclaimed, “Oh, christ. You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s your best friend, right?” A nod came in response. “You’re exceptionally terrible at reading him. Ya know that? He’s felt like hell for the past two or three weeks, yet you’ve been looking at him like he’s only dealing with allergies.”

Although unconsciously, Prussia had slipped into a slightly reprimanding tone, ready to express dissatisfaction at Germany’s misconduct. His younger brother should know better than to think of a friend so shallowly. 

“You’ve known him for centuries, and you see him daily. It should feel like a slap across the face when so many of his mannerisms change at once.” 

Germany listened silently, accepting the accusations. Simply by the way Prussia spoke, it was easy for him to know the feelings were sincere, and it wasn’t too often where he felt that he indeed was being treated as a younger brother. While he wasn’t too partial to the shame which accompanied the lecture, it certainly helped him get on Prussia's level. 

“Before we do anything else with this conversation, you’re going to do one thing. I want you to tell me two changes that you’ve noticed in him that haven’t been mentioned yet. Once that’s done and, god willing , you’ve got a better grasp on the situation, maybe we’ll be able to talk about this some more.” 

“He’s stopped asking for help.” A pause came before that first answer, but it was nowhere near as drawn out and painful as the deafening silence that preceded his second.

“One.” Prussia counted the response with a finger, and he waited wordlessly for the next to come.

The shame Germany felt at the amount of time it took him to seek out another valid response was crushing. He should know Italy better than this. Finally, he spoke up, “He’s lost most of his appetite.”

“Good,” Prussia told him. “There was one thing wrong with that besides the obvious. I’ll mention it then we’re going directly to the real discussion. You should have been able to easily think of a difference that impacted only him. Him not calling for rescue shouldn’t have been the only thing you could grasp onto.”

He sent a small smile Germany’s way to break away from the serious atmosphere. “So, West, I think you’ve been babied enough for today. Let’s see if we can get this conversation to actually go anywhere. Okay?”

* * *

The day was off to one hell of a start. 

While the nations had been grateful to receive a few weeks free from the hell that was weekly meetings, whatever had caused that brief period of leisure was officially over as each individual headed toward the designated conference building.

Italy and Romano walked the streets of England, each with very different moods and focuses. As they drew closer to their destination, Italy considered how utterly uncertain he was of everything. What took up most of his thoughts was an internal debate that had continued nonstop since Romano had confronted him. For forty-eight hours, he’d run through many different ideas of how to limit the state of his discomfort for Romano. Unfortunately, most of these ideas were worthless.

The most basic option would be asking China to craft a medicine that would offer pain relief, but there were a number of problems with that. China would ask why he had to make such a potent remedy so frequently, insisting on an examination. Romano would still be able to feel whatever Italy didn’t since pain medicines often masked pain rather than cured it, as they had realized years before. Moreover, Italy was likely to do more harm than good to himself if he couldn’t accurately assess his discomfort. Before he started training regularly, this wouldn’t have been much of an issue, but now, that lack of understanding would result in Romano’s suffering while Italy got a free pass.

On another note, he could ask England if magic could be of any help. That might even take care of the collateral damage of Romano’s pain. Again, though, England would question him incessantly, more so than China since he didn’t have the other’s self-restraint. Clueing in the FACE family to any irregularities in his part of the world wasn’t a particularly appealing idea either. Using magic was a good ultimatum to keep in the back of his mind, however. England had studied his grimoire for years. Some solution had to be in there. Hopefully, he’d never need to find out.

Then there was the option of simply taking things easy until he could find a valid plan of action. However, the anxiety that built up in Italy’s chest each time he thought of that option suggested that it wasn’t reasonable. It wouldn’t make a difference either. He’d been feeling quite poorly outside of training these past few days as well, and he wasn’t quite sure how to fix it. Straying from his new regimen stressed Italy out, too, so he brushed the idea entirely from his mind. 

Italy remained focused on this topic as the meeting building grew closer. 

By his side, Romano also was absorbed in his own world. This was a moment of luck for Italy because surely the other would have noticed his deep, troubled state of mind had things not been going so poorly for Romano, too.

With his phone in front of him, Romano dealt with the texts from Japan one by one. However, it was hard to believe that he was doing his best to treat the man with respect with the force he used to type his replies. 

That morning he had woken up to regretful messages from Japan stating that, when he had forewarned Prussia to not spread word of what he had noticed to anyone, including his brother, Japan had been told that it was too late for such a warning. Apparently, the Potato Bastard already knew everything they did because his dumbass brother had sat him down and basically gave a lecture on the topic.

God, Romano was getting so tired of dealing with idiots. 

He sent his next text to Japan. “Did he agree to keep his mouth shut from here on out?”

“Yes. Germany did as well, as it seems.”

As he damn well should. It was unfortunate that sending such a response was out of the option, however. “Good,” he sent. “What are the odds that Germany told someone else before he gave his word?” The amount of times he had to backspace was starting to become ridiculous.

“Very low, as I’m sure you’d like to hear. Germany rarely goes out of his way to interact with those outside of who he is close to.”

Romano spent the next few minutes ascertaining as much of Germany’s knowledge as he could. Sure, he was listening to a tertiary source, but any information was more than he had prior to the conversation. What little he did learn convinced him of one thing. While neither of the germanic nations had much of his respect, Prussia did get a point in his favor for being observant whereas Germany was the object of his scorn once again.

Meanwhile, as Italy and Romano had nearly arrived at their final destination, Japan still had some distance to cover. Interacting so frequently with Romano was not something to which he was accustomed, but thankfully Romano made attempts at treating him with respect.

There were some reserves Japan had, however. While he did not quite understand the intricacies of the brothers’ relationship, any situation which prompted Romano to actively seek out his consultation was pressing. Also, although he understood the other’s hesitance at exposing the details of the current state of events, actively keeping those away who might better understand the situation seemed an act of folly. Italy was friends with each of the nations, and claiming that none of them might have something helpful to add was ignorant.

Japan’s lips pressed into a line. Before the situation became more unmanageable and unpredictable, he wanted to give Italy another opportunity to explain what had changed. He wanted to offer this chance away from a room of crowded and hyperactive nations. Thankfully, he knew of a park that existed near where their conference was to be held. England had shown it to them once before, and it would be a calm place for Italy to experience the fresh air while he got a hold over his thoughts.

He forgot to make mention of this to Romano, he realized suddenly. Romano would likely insist on accompanying them if he were not notified prior. Japan slipped his phone out once more, and sent a message which explained his logic. For a few moments, he watched his phone to see if he would get a response, but none came. Romano was likely already in the meeting room, and he wouldn’t look at his phone until everyone was released. 

Well, there was no helping it. Hopefully, Romano would see his intentions and leave them to go off together. 

As Japan considered how the rest of the day would play out, he saw Germany approaching the building at nearly the same time as himself.

“Good morning, Japan,” Germany called to him as they fell into step.

Since Prussia had forced his head out of the clouds, Germany spent his time replaying the earlier conversation and reflecting. A full day of genuinely scrutinizing Italy’s behavior from over the past weeks had him cringing at himself. Still, understanding whether he hadn’t noticed the changes entirely or if he’d only been refusing to see the truth was difficult. He truly owed everyone an apology. 

“Good morning, Germany.”

And he could only wonder what Japan thought of him. Obviously, he had noticed the changes that had taken place. Had Japan refrained from telling him anything to spare Italy’s privacy or because he believed the same as Prussia, and now himself, that he should have been able to recognize the difference unaided?

He’d also heard his name mentioned in the phone call Prussia had with Japan yesterday, but he wasn’t entirely sure in what context it had been.

Germany spoke next as they walked inside, cool air washing over them, “I’d like to apologize for my conduct recently, and if we could talk later, I’d like that.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Japan said truthfully. “It was reasonable to believe that things would return to normal since that’s how he’s been for as long as we’ve known him. Let’s not say more on the subject here, though. And my apologies, but there’s something I need to do after the meeting. Perhaps we can catch each other later.”

Taking a hint, Germany dropped the topic while they were in the presence of other nations. Japan hadn’t even mentioned Italy’s name, so for some reason, he was going out of his way to keep quiet. Later, there would be an opportunity to message or call Japan. 

When the two made it inside the meeting room, the only one who had yet to arrive was America. Romano was off to one side with Spain, as per usual, and Italy was near a corner talking with Canada. It was a blessing that Italy was there to draw Germany’s attention to the easily overlooked nation. Attendance would be easier.

* * *

The meeting had been long and tiring, but a late afternoon walk in nature was a nice treat. Soon after their departure from the conference hall, Italy and Japan forced the subject away from work, but as more time passed, Japan noticed occasional periods of silence. In the past, these instances tended to be quite infrequent since Italy had almost always had something to add. This was yet another change that had showed up recently. 

As the two took a seat on a bench and pulled out their lunches, Italy and Japan relished in the peaceful scenery around them. Considering that they were having their late lunch here, Japan ate his bento and watched on as Italy finished his pasta salad. Between bites, their conversation continued, and when Japan noticed that Italy had only a few bites remaining, he began steering the conversation in the direction he wanted it to go.

When all lunchware was put away, Japan attempted to introduce his topic of interest. “There’s something I’d like to ask you once again, Italy.”

“What is it?” He seemed quite relaxed, so perhaps this was indeed the best time to ask.

“I’d like you to trust me with the truth about what happened that caused you to change so drastically.” He spoke honestly and hoped his tone conveyed that his aim wasn’t accusation. “Something happened shortly before our last meeting, and although you’ve bounced back considerably, you’re my friend and I can still see you’re suffering.”

Italy spent a moment in contemplation. He’d been expecting some similar question or confrontation to show itself at some point. While Japan respected personal boundaries, he was also frighteningly observant. He always knew the fine line between needing to take a step back from a situation and needing to intervene. 

If Italy had to say, though, Japan had misjudged this. Or at minimum, he’d drawn a conclusion too soon. If he had waited only a few more days, he’d have been able to see that Italy had found a solution to forgetting what didn’t happen once and for all. Well, maybe he couldn’t forget what didn’t happen so easily, but he would have _some_ _type_ of new plan that would allow him to not have to feel such intense nerves any longer.

His words grew from a mumble. Although he knew the question was coming, that didn’t mean he felt prepared to answer it. “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Japan,” Italy said with a tic, and he waited for a response that didn’t come. Japan expected him to say more. 

Admitting that there was  _ something _ that happened wasn’t an idea he wanted to entertain. Nothing happened. That’s how he was going to forget about it. Saying that something happened made it real. The way Japan was looking at him, though, it was with a mix of determination and patience. “I know I acted really different during and after that meeting, but nothing important happened.” Guilt vaguely registered as he said the words, but there was no point in validating Japan’s worries nor his own.

“But something did happen, correct?”

Japan got no answer. Italy didn’t know to whom it was better to lie: himself or his friend.

An answer wasn’t necessary, though. “I don’t know yet what happened, but I’d like to think anything that makes you feel this way is of some importance. If nothing else, I could give a second opinion.”

“I don’t want to talk about this, Japan.” He cursed himself for not having figured out how to move on yet. Italy was a nation. Over a month had passed since he’d walked into the meeting that day. Things shouldn’t have been able to progress to this point. If only he had more time to figure this out, but all of his friends wanted to spend time with him and leave him with none left to think.

“Maybe if I rephrased my question it would be easier to answer,” Japan said. “Is there anything that didn’t happen before the day of our last meeting?”

At those words, Italy’s blood ran cold, and a tic escaped him.

For a second, Italy was petrified with his eyes glued to the bench they sat on. Once he took a breath, he stood and let out a curt, “Yes. But I don’t want to say more.” He picked up his lunch bag and encouraged Japan to do the same. “I’m heading back now. Do you want, veh, to come with me to the branch point?”

After Japan agreed to join and grabbed his things, he told Italy while they walked, “I understand that you don’t want to say more, but allow me to say something. Whether something did or didn’t happen, I’ll gladly hear you out when you’re ready. For the moment, though, please take care of yourself. Hiding from yourself isn’t helping you. Please at least consider talking to your brother.”

He turned his head to better face Italy, “I say this not as your ally, but as your friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed :)


	5. Opposite Sides of the World

After almost a full day’s worth of meetings, America was more than content to relax and stay at Canada’s place before heading back to his own chaos. The cold was something he could live without, but that just gave everyone a valid excuse to drink hot cocoa.

As America drank his cup, he was practically on the verge of falling asleep. The blankets around him were so warm, the fireplace was running, and comforting white noise was all that reached his ears. Well, that was all until Canada called his name. 

“You didn’t speak with Italy today at the meeting, did you?” Canada asked. “I know you came in late, but how about after everything had ended? ”

America hummed in denial. He’d barely noticed that Italy was there today, and the only reason he knew for certain that the other was actually present was due to Germany exclaiming, “By some miracle, everyone is here on time today,” when doing the required attendance check.

“Didn’t catch him today, but he was sitting with you when I walked in, right? What’s up?”

Grabbing his own blanket, Canada plopped on the spot next to his brother. “Well, maybe you noticed though you didn’t see him much.” He shifted his position to see America better. “He was quiet and reserved today. I think he was like the last time before break, also.”

“Dude, maybe he just didn’t get enough sleep last night. I can’t really say anything about the last time you saw him. I don’t really remember it well. But it’s Italy we’re talking about. He’ll bounce back from whatever’s bothering him by next week.”

“That’s why I’m worried,” Canada said in a troubled voice, “and when he sat next to me before the meeting, something felt off. I couldn’t tell you what it was. He seemed fine, just not like Italy.”

Intrigued to know exactly what his brother saw, Alfred’s body turned slightly to clearly take in Canada’s disconcerted expression.

“Then there was one sentence he said that truly made me reconsider how he had acted up to that point. I offered him a bite to eat since I knew most of us hadn’t eaten a real breakfast, but he told me that he had a stomachache and hadn’t wanted to eat much. ‘Most food make me feel really sick lately, and even eating pasta is sometimes hard.’ That’s what he said to me.”

America’s brow rose at that, and he went to speak. When he realized there was too much he wanted to say at once, his mouth closed again for a moment. After he had a better hold on his thoughts, he said an underwhelming, “There’s more than a couple things wrong with that.”

A hum came from Canada. “Are you sure you don’t know anything more about what has him feeling this way?”

“No,” America said with a shake of his head, “but maybe you’re right. If he felt like this at the last meeting too and we just didn’t know, the problem is probably bigger than we realize. Did you ask him anything about it?”

“I recommended that he stay home if he wasn’t feeling well, and he said that he’d felt similarly for the past few weeks. He also said he knew it would pass soon and that I shouldn’t worry.”

“Maybe domestic occurrences happening in his country are affecting him?”

“Perhaps.”

“I’ll comb through new information found by my country’s informats on Italy later, but for now, don’t worry about it, Canada. Italy is Italy. He’ll be fine. Plus, there’s no point in worrying about a problem that may not even exist. Okay?”

Now more at ease after having heard another opinion, Canada nodded. “Okay… Hey, America?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I have the last marshmallow in your hot chocolate?”

For over a week no one had pestered Italy about anything, and even more importantly, he’d found a way to smooth over the situation with Romano. His brother had been worried because he knew Italy had been dealing with incessant dull pains alongside with soreness he’d acquired from training, and those worries were made worse by Italy’s reluctance to answer any of his questions.

Regarding Italy’s new plan of action, he realized he could mitigate most of the soreness that Romano felt by doing his second, personally-enforced training later in the day. 

Up until this point, he’d been completing another round of training immediately after he left Germany’s. He figured it was best to do his training all at once, and until he caught up to Japan and Germany, having a second session was absolutely indispensable. However, completing both back-to-back was idiotic and overzealous. It was no wonder that his body was handling the change poorly enough for Romano to be concerned. 

If he switched to this new morning and evening schedule, his body would have time to recover from Germany’s daily morning routine. He’d also be able to go for longer in total if he took a break. As far as he knew, Romano should only feel vaguely aware that Italy had done some sort of physical activity throughout the day. However, he was basing that estimation on what soreness he’d felt on his brother’s behalf in the past, so he only hoped that their pain tolerance levels were similar for the sake of accuracy.

The mystery pains were a bit more difficult to take care of, but slowly he learned how to deal with them. When he mentioned his headache to Germany in a whimper earlier in the week, he was advised to drink double the water he had been and to get enough sodium. Although he wasn’t in top shape still, the fog that he hadn’t realized was covering his brain recently started to fade, and he could actually focus on things again. 

He’d also stopped trying to only wear one layer in hopes that his body temperature would regulate again. It was just easier and more comfortable to wear two or three layers now. Besides, he had lots of nice sweaters that had been gifted to him by northern nations that he never got much of a chance to wear before this. Even the sweater he got from Russia some decades back was cozy and soft.

There were still small kinks that Italy needed to work out, but he had been fixing issues one by one. Romano seemed pleased too since he hadn’t asked many questions in the past couple days. Still, uncertainty could be found in how he frequently cast glances in his brother’s direction. 

One step at a time. 

That was a problem that could wait. 

For now, the next step to Italy organizing his life was figuring out how he was going to handle the overnight stay that Prussia had invited him to.

How had he been convinced to spend the night at Germany’s? How had Japan been convinced to stay as well? How the hell did his friends become so unpredictable without him noticing?

As Italy had recently come to realize, being with people was exhausting. He missed spending time with his friends and sneaking in to sleep next to Germany, but people were becoming increasingly exhausting. It bothered him to feel that way since he knew it wasn’t his friends’ fault. 

Thankfully, even though socializing was still tiresome, he’d started feeling a bit better in the past week due to how everyone had finally given him a second to breath. Also, after a month into his resolve to train, he was actually feeling results. His muscles were growing stronger even if he couldn’t see it, and he was just about able to keep pace with Japan. 

He was still nervous to stay overnight, but he couldn’t help but feel excited at the same time. 

“Checkmate boys!” Prussia yelled as he put down his last playing card.

“We’re playing rummy. At least keep to the theme of play,” Germany chastised as he dropped his hand of aces to the table with a stubborn frown.

“You’re just disappointed that you got absolutely destroyed by my awesomeness.” He shifted his gaze, “You guys agree with me, right? Ita-chan, Japan?”

As Japan cooly agreed with Germany, Italy let out a laugh and his cards fell face up on the table as well. Then, since no one wanted to take the job of shuffling next, the cards were placed back into the box as they searched for the next activity to occupy their time.

While they considered, more than one person thought to themself that Italy had smiled more tonight than in the entire past month. The longer they spent mindlessly passing time, the more Italy was able to relax. Things were going well, and it felt like so long since things had gone so right for the group. What was there not to enjoy? 

“How about a game of truth or dare?” Prussia suggested.

Germany, knowing his brother, quickly refused. 

“How about never have I ever?”

Again, Germany shot the suggestion down, insulting the distaste of such a game. “No. If you’re going to choose a game, at least stay away from America’s troublesome ones.”

“Come on, Germany! It sounds fun.”

At this, Japan spoke up. He was sending a challenging look toward Prussia, yet his voice maintained its ever present level tone. “I don’t think that’s a good idea either, Prussia. If you know the American custom of those games, they often end in antagonistic or invasive jabs at the other players.”

“Come on, what fun is a game if there aren’t any risks?”

“I’d also not like to see anyone targeted to the point where the game loses the element of fun. I quite hope to not break the mood of the night.”

When Japan said this, Germany clued into what exactly his brother’s aims were. If he wasn’t sided with Japan by then, he certainly would be now. While Prussia’s heart was in the right place, his execution was poor. Exceedingly poor.

Tempting the atmosphere of the evening was a fool’s tactic. Italy was enjoying himself for the first time in a month. So much so that — though this bit of information wasn’t known to them — Italy’s second round of training which he’d implemented completely slipped his mind for the time being.

In Prussia’s eyes, however, the scene before him appeared differently. This was the perfect time to ask Italy what had him so troubled lately. Italy wasn’t worried, he wasn’t anxious, and he probably wouldn’t take such a question so personally if he were asked now. Especially if it casually showed up in a game setting. That was always less intimidating than a serious conversation. So what the hell was the problem with West and Japan?

No one particularly wanted to back down, and while Italy was missing the point of the silent confrontation before him, he could read the tension in the atmosphere. 

“It’s okay, guys. Don’t fight,” he said nervously. “Let’s, veh, just choose a different game, Prussia. I don’t want to upset Japan. Germany doesn’t look like he wants to play either.”

As Prussia went to say something, he saw how Italy’s demeanor had changed. It was likely subconscious, but his body was stiff in its position. He didn’t seem frightened, but he was on edge. 

“Okay then, Ita-chan,” he said while taking a step closer to his brother, which was also a step away from Italy. “Why don’t you choose what we do next?”

The house was quiet. 

Since there were only two beds in the house, the four of them had decided to pad the floor in the den with layers upon layers of blankets to make individual sleeping areas. When Italy was the only visitor, deciding who slept where was typically an easy, quick decision. Japan didn’t frequent overnight stays at their place, however, so the usual sleeping arrangements had to be revised.

With each person tucked snuggly into their blankets, the calm of night fell over everyone, yet somehow Italy still managed to find a topic over which to be anxious. He’d missed evening training. That wasn’t too big of a deal. If nothing, his body would be more well-rested for tomorrow morning. 

What his mind kept circling back to was his increasing deceptive tendencies. He still couldn’t shake how he’d been going behind everyone’s back. The way he’d been thinking of Romano, though, made him the most uneasy. It scared him that he couldn’t quite pinpoint when exactly he’d started looking at Romano more as an obstacle than as a brother. Maybe it was just their link that he was seeing as an obstacle, and Romano himself became an obstacle inherently since the link was quite literally a part of him.

He changed positions in bed as he thought. 

It wasn’t something he wanted to think about, but at the same time, he couldn’t stop.

The difference this time was that he couldn’t talk to Romano about it. Before now, there hadn’t been a time when he couldn’t talk to Romano. Sure, they were separated as children, but once they grew older there was an unspoken no secrets rule. 

Italy pushed his body off the floor, one arm propped behind him to act as a support for how heavy his body felt in that moment. For what could have been seconds or minutes, the night passed around him as his blank stare fell to the floor.

He had to stop thinking about his anxieties. Although he had a good day, his body was still in desperate need of sleep from the previous failed nights at attempting it. Maybe if he went outside he’d be able to clear his head enough for drowsiness to tug at his consciousness.

Shuffling from under his blanket bed, he took care to not wake anyone. Then, once he made his way outside, muggy heat washed over him in place of the idyllic crisp cool that he expected of late autumn. At least the slight surprise gave him something else to focus on. The warm may have even been comforting if not for the humidity.

When the door knob behind him clicked with the latch’s release, however, he jumped. 

As Prussia looked around the door, he immediately spoke in a hushed voice. “Sorry, sorry,” he said while closing the door behind him. “It’s Prussia. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Veh… It’s okay,” Italy said as he calmed himself again. “Did I wake you up?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I wasn’t fully asleep. I heard you tossing under the sheets. When you left, it seemed like you were just going to get a drink or take a leak, and when you didn’t come back after a few minutes, I figured it’d only be right to look for you.”

“Oh.” 

The stars in the sky shone bright as the two sat along the edge of the porch.

“We can keep each other company then, but if you’re tired, you really should go back to sleep. Especially, since I won’t be moving under the blankets now.”

Prussia wanted to place a pat on Italy’s back, but he stopped himself to respect Italy’s new boundaries which each of the nations were gradually becoming acquainted with. 

“Don’t worry about it. Someone as awesome as me doesn’t need much sleep in the first place,“ he said with a laugh. Then he gestured to Italy, “You look like you could use some sleep, though. Are you okay?”

After a second, he nodded with a hum, “I’m fine. There’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”

“Tell me about it.”

He looked into Prussia’s eyes before turning his gaze downward to contemplate the offer. If he wasn’t able to talk to Romano about Romano, there had to be someone to turn to. Also, there was more that was on his mind than just that. He felt as if he’d turned into a deceiver to just about everyone he knew. 

Prussia hadn’t become one of those people, though. Somehow, he in particular had yet to hear any false truths from Italy’s mouth. Sure, Italy had been avoiding him, but that meant Prussia hadn’t been roped into the life of deception that was slowly settling itself around Italy. Settling without his consent no less.

“I lied to Romano,” Italy said eventually, “and I feel dirty because it’s like I’m doing nothing but deceiving everyone, like I’m a charlatan.”

The moment to get a word in didn’t appear for Prussia as Italy kept talking.

“And normally I would talk to Fratello, and he would help me fix things. This time I can’t because I’m the one who’s lying to him.”

“What lie did you tell? You’re brothers, and I’m sure he’d be able to get over one little lie. Heck, you’re more honest and moral than Romano will likely ever be. He’ll understand.” 

“I… Veh, I don’t think it can be considered just one lie,” he admitted. “I’m not sure why I keep choosing to do it either. I feel like I can’t control it anymore.”

“Can you tell me what the lie is?” Prussia tried to coax more information out of Italy, but he could see the other’s hesitation. He just had to keep trying.

“You probably wouldn’t get it. I barely do. It involves our link and lots of guesswork. Even if I told you, I don’t want you to tell anyone else.”

Prussia thought to himself. He, just like everyone else, knew very little about the bro link between Italy and Romano. That and it was hella weird when they seemed to magically know what the other was thinking at times.

Wait. If that was true, how had Italy hidden the lie that was eating at him from Romano? “Hey, doesn’t your link, like, let you know what the other is thinking?”

Italy gave a shake of his head. “Not in that way. Telepathy would be super cool, but it’s better to say that we can read each other’s emotions. The link has to be open both ways for it to work, though. If he doesn’t want me to read him, I can’t. It works the same way for me, too.”

“So I’ll guess that you’re blocking the link?” He got a nod from Italy. “Does Romano know that you are?”

“Yeah. He got nervous and mad when he realized because it’s almost always left open.”

A contemplative hum came from Prussia. “I probably won’t get it, just like you said, but try me. Tell me what caused you to block the link.”

“He was nosy.” The words were a mix of bitter and something near childish. “Everyone’s so nosy, and I didn’t know how to get around it. I started thinking about my daily schedule differently so that Fratello wouldn’t incur extra–” Italy stumbled over his words, “any extra stress. Him being stressed made me stressed, so I closed my side of the link.

“But I keep lying to him lately about what I’m doing and not doing, and I know he wouldn’t like it. I don’t want him to realize I’m lying by reading my emotions either. That would hurt him more.”

Prussia then asked, “Well, what have you been doing that he wouldn’t like? Maybe it’s not as bad as you think, and if it’s not, then you could talk it over with him.”

“I don’t want to tell you. You’d get mad, too.”

That caught Prussia’s interest. Mad? That was a long shot. He doubted it more so because he figured that even small deceptions might seem grievous to someone who wasn’t accustomed to telling a lie every now and again. Perhaps “mad” wasn’t the word Italy wanted to say, though. The almost shameful look on Italy’s face made “disappointment” out to be a more fitting word.

“I doubt that, Ita. It’s pretty hard to make me mad. Especially, if it’s you.”

Italy waited for him to say more, but when nothing came, he realized he had to make a choice. “I’ve just been sore from training, veh, and I’m manipulating things so Fratello doesn’t have to feel it, too.” As he’d decided long before, half-truths were the most powerful lies, and that’s what he opted for.

Unfortunately, they also tended to bring about some of the same consequences as the full truths they were taken from.

He realized this when Prussia said, “Well, if you’re always sore, you need to take it easy. Maybe you should skip tomorrow’s training. Or, well, today. I’m pretty sure it’s past midnight. You’re getting really strong, but rests will help you more than pushing. Not to mention you aren’t getting much sleep tonight. You and me can spend an awesome day together again while West and Japan run till they drop.”

For a second, Italy thought that it sounded nice, then he remembered that he hadn’t done his evening training. Skipping one session could help, but would skipping two hurt? He couldn’t push Prussia to let him attend or it would be more suspicious. Then he caught himself. 

This would be lying to Prussia. It also made him realise that he had the exact same dilemma the last time Prussia asked him to stay when he was dismissed from training. Maybe Prussia hadn’t gotten by without hearing Italy tell a lie as he previously thought.

Still, a very real part of Italy wanted to keep one friend out of the chaos that was his new life of lies. Prussia had only heard one lie, though. Perhaps this was still salvageable. The more he considered this, the more he realized that spending the day without practice might be worth it. He missed having a close relationship with his friends.

They had stopped most of their questions as of late, too.

“Maybe you’re right, Prussia,” Italy said with a smile. He leaned onto Prussia’s shoulder. “That sounds like fun. You can tell Germany in the morning for me. I want to sleep in.”

He let out a small yawn, and Prussia — who felt content at having gotten his friend to talk about what was on his mind and relax — put his arm around Italy as they stayed on the porch’s edge for a while longer. They would head inside before Italy was fully asleep.

Things were finally looking up. While Italy did feel a small pang of anxiety at tomorrow, he had taken the first step to repairing his friendships. Those around him, even Romano to a lesser degree, were also starting to give him space when he wanted it. He was also getting a lot stronger just as Prussia had told him. There was still a long way to go, but he’d get there. 

The  _ nothing  _ would certainly be out of his mind for good soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, we have officially started another arc of the story, and _this is when things start to pick up!!_ I'm sure that some of you were wondering if there would be appearances from the FACE family / allies in this story. There will be, but everything comes in due time.  
> \---  
> I greatly appreciate the comments that I've been receiving, and I love talking with you all! please consider leaving your thoughts, reactions, predictions, etc. once you're finished reading  
> \---  
> next chapter: Welcome to the Lodge


	6. Welcome to the Lodge

“Everyone but China replied to the invitation,” Canada explained to America. “Since Japan’s coming, though, I’m sure China will, too. Oh, and Italy asked if Prussia could join. Apparently, he was with Italy, Germany, and Japan when I sent them the invite, and he felt down because he was left out.”

“Coolio, let him come. It’s not like that hotel cabin place we’ll be staying in doesn’t have enough room, right? You could rent out the whole place if you wanted to even ‘cause it’s your country.”

While it was true that Canada had such power as a nation, the suggestion alone made him lightly whack America on the shoulder. “I could, but it’d be rude to the residents who already have reservations there. Some families have had reservations for half the year, so they can enjoy the mountains.”

“Okay, point taken,” America said in defeat. “Well, it’ll still be fun to have Prussia come along. Having him there will definitely introduce an interesting wild card.”

“He’ll have to meet us before we leave, though. I was planning for us all to leave directly after next week’s meeting since we’d already be gathered there, but because he’s not allowed in the meeting room, we’ll need to rendezvous first.”

“Mhmm, the fine details can be figured out later. Tell him that he’s welcome to come, but let’s not make further plans until China answers back.”

Canada sent his next text directly to Prussia, so Italy didn’t have to act as a go between. Although the original idea was to have a fun getaway with the other meeting members, having a plus one wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

“It’ll be nice to see Italy again,” America said suddenly. “I haven’t seen much of the little guy in a while. We used to hang out a lot together up until about a month ago. Then he seemed to get really busy, and he stopped sending texts for the most part.”

“A month ago? Wasn’t that when he started feeling unwell?”

Canada started wondering to himself. He hadn’t heard France mention Italy recently either, and when he and America had checked with their informants about the socioeconomic state of his country two weeks back, everything had seemed to be running smoothly as ever. Even England had no new information to add when the two took their search a step further by asking him to look into it as well.

It would be true to say that the situation had fallen out of importance from Canada’s mind over the past couple weeks, but now that it was brought to the forefront of his thoughts again, he wanted to know more.

“I think it was a little more than a month ago,” America told him. “Why? Do you think he’s still dealing with whatever it was from back then?”

“We never really learned what was going on, if anything. That said, if his schedule is still different, maybe we were right, and something bigger is happening. I hope not for his sake, but he usually bounces back from problems quickly.”

“If there is something going on behind the scenes, Germany and Japan have likely helped him take care of it. We can place some trust in that. Until we see him next, we should just assume that he’s been busy. Stressing about it won’t do anything to help.”

Canada let out a low hum, “You’re probably right. I think I’ll ask him if he’s doing well later, though. It’ll make me feel more at ease if I check up on him.”

Little by little, their conversation tapered off, and when they reached the point of sitting in comfortable silence, Canada left toward his room and lied facing the ceiling on his bed. A second later, Kumajiro took a spot next to him.

He didn’t want to talk to Italy again just yet. Too many conversations had already taken place in one morning for his liking. Although he was the one to send the invitation, conversations were draining, and some time alone with Kumajiro and no obligations felt nice.

Yet his mind was reeling as he laid there. Gut instinct was telling him that something had been bothering Italy and that he’d been a fool to allow the situation to slip so easily from his mind. Although he wasn’t happy to think this way, he was fairly confident in saying that there had been an observable negative change in Italy, and though they hadn’t seen much of each other recently, that only further supported his suspicions. 

Also, the beginnings of this change were something fairly easy to date. While he wasn’t sure if his memories were playing tricks on him, Canada thought he remembered Italy being exceptionally quiet and subdued at a meeting from a month and a half ago. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out if that memory was trustworthy, unfortunately. 

The lack of meetings for the following couple weeks made the memory even less reliable, but it was kept in the back of his mind for further reference later. That said, this was also about when Italy started claiming that his schedule had gotten busier without a reason, and the two occurrences worked in tandem as testimony to his assumptions.

The meeting after break was the next time Canada or any of his allies had seen Italy, and that was when he first realized Italy may be hiding something. It was when Italy admitted to feeling unwell.

However, any suspicions about what may have caused him to feel poorly were crushed when the state of affairs in Italy was proven to be as commonplace as ever. Hence, Italy should be fine. Looking back now, Italy feeling less than healthy while everything in his land was undisturbed was a sure sign that there was some other underlying cause. Since then, Italy had also kept his distance from just about everyone with whom Canada was in contact. 

If only he knew how things had been recently in Italy’s close friend group, maybe he’d have a better grasp of what was going on. Certainly Germany, and even Prussia, had a much more solid grasp on anything that might be troubling Italy than Canada did for the moment.

Leaning into Kumajiro’s fur, he decided that there wasn’t much he could do with no information. Just as his brother had said, worrying over an issue which may already have been resolved was a pointless battle. He’d simply have to wait until they saw each other at the next meeting and then on their mini-vacation to the mountains. He’d be able to better understand the situation then.

If he were lucky, there’d be no situation at all.

Italy and Romano spent the day lazing about together. Something about laying sprawled out before a movie with someone you cared about was just so inexplicably healing. 

For the moment, Romano was doing his best to convince his brother to give him some space with very limited success. “Get off me, Veneziano, you’re too damn warm!” The blanket which laid over both of them didn’t make him feel any more inclined to keep things as they were.

“But you’re cozy, and what good is watching movies if we can’t cuddle?” Italy insisted. “After working so hard on paperwork yesterday, how else are we supposed to relax?”

“At least take off the stupid blanket,” came Romano’s mumbled reply. 

While he wouldn’t admit it aloud, it was nice to pass the day with just the two of them. It wasn’t often that they could just be brothers without all the political stuff getting in their way. With paperwork done for the next couple days, they were able to forget about it.

“Fine. I’ll take off the blanket,” Italy finally agreed. After he untangled himself and Romano, he cast it to the side. Then he leaned back into Romano’s shoulder, knees brought close to his chest. “See, veh. Movie day is always better like this, and since I have to pack for tomorrow, I want to spend time with you today.”

Romano craned his neck as best as he could to see his brother’s expression, and a look of caution showed on his face as he said, “I still think it’s a stupid idea to go. Are you sure you want to?”

While he, not being the most fond of human interaction, usually was not too perturbed at his lack of receiving an invite to Canada’s cabin, part of him desperately wanted to come for his brother’s sake. Not very long ago, Italy was still very reserved with everyone, including him. Thanks to the recent improvement in his mood, Romano wasn’t too sure if going on this trip would be a sound idea.

Even with the improvement, Romano knew that whatever had happened with his brother hadn’t completely smoothed over. He still went for entire days in which he wouldn’t be able to access their link, and Italy still hadn’t explained what had happened that made him, well, no longer the brother he knew. Not to mention that Italy had started taking evening walks for some reason, and while that wasn’t inherently bad, Romano didn’t need their link to see the anxiety that took hold of Italy each time he addressed the walks. Something was off about them that he couldn’t place just yet.

The progress was so quick, too. Watching it felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop. For more than a month, his brother had been incessantly skittish, secretive, and exhausted, and only within the last week did he start smiling again and become okay with touching Romano. While initiated contact the other way around was still very up in the air, the show of progress was undoubtedly rapid.

The question of “Could this mountain trip act as a setback?” was one which Romano couldn’t answer. He certainly wasn’t excited to take that chance. However, it didn’t seem that he had a choice since Italy was dead set on joining everyone else.

“I’m sure!” Italy told him with a smile. “It’ll be fun. Canada’s place is really beautiful, and I’m sure I’ll be able to draw a lot of unique sceneries that we don’t get much of down here. If only it weren’t so cold.”

Romano looked on with not much to say. His brother’s eyes stayed focused on the movie they were watching as concern etched itself onto his face.

A moment passed, then he said, “If you get in trouble or decide you don’t want to stay, call me. You got it?”

Italy nodded. “Okay.”

He focused on how Italy was feeling. Excitement and contentment was all he could find. Keeping his brother from something that would make him happy was the last thing Romano wanted to do. Maybe it was wrong for him to worry in his brother’s stead in the first place. He couldn’t stop himself from doing it, though.

If their Nonno was alive, he’d have liked to get a second opinion. 

While Romano hadn’t been particularly close to their grandfather, especially in comparison to his brother, the old man had been close with Italy all throughout his childhood. Also, for what it was worth, he was Romano’s Nonno, too. 

Romano had to wonder. If his Nonno was alive, would Veneziano talk about what had been troubling him? What was so different about what had happened this time that he didn’t have his brother’s trust?

Whatever was different, he knew he needed help in watching over Italy while he was in Canada. In his mind, Romano shouted as loud as he could for someone to hear him. Surely, if his soul shouted loud enough, then his voice would make it to heaven. 

“Hey, old man! If you’re up there, I’ve got a hell of a task for you down here on Earth. Watch over my brother. I can’t follow him to Canada, but I need him to know someone is there. If it has to be you, I’ll choke down my pride this once. Protect him.”

“Does anyone see Prussia?” Canada spoke with an annoyed glint to his eyes, and his gaze dashed left and right in an attempt to find the aforementioned missing person. “I told him to be here before we made it out of the building. We’re in Germany, too, so if anyone should be on time, it’s him!”

“Hold on a moment,” England jumped in, “I think I see him. Is that him by the stationary shop?”

Sure enough, an individual with short white hair was casually sitting on his suitcase with his back resting against the brick wall of the building behind him. He was scrolling his phone as if there weren’t people waiting for him.

Rather than shuffle through the busy streets in their group, Germany went to drag his brother over toward the proper rendezvous spot. As they came back over, Prussia was asking why the meeting spot wasn’t where he was standing. “I thought for sure that was the right building,“ he explained. He looked at the text from Canada again before stumbling over his words. “Uh, that was a seven. I thought it was a one.” He chuckled awkwardly, “I mean, even awesome people make mistakes sometime.”

Germany merely whispered under his breath, “You just can’t read.”

Off to another side though, Canada watched Prussia’s half-hearted attempt at explaining the confusion with a look of “Are we done yet?”

After a second, France added reluctantly, “Why don’t we get going now that we have everyone, yes?” 

With everyone together and on the same page, they began making their way toward their final destination. After Canada finished clarifying what he wanted about how they’d be travelling, casual conversation and groups of friends catching up filled a majority of the travel time. However, surprising most of the former allied nations, Italy, who would normally be unable to contain his excitement, was keeping to himself and talking almost exclusively with Japan.

The North American brothers noticed this but said nothing.

Meanwhile, unknowing that he was being observed from many of his friends’ peripheral visions, Italy occupied himself with thinking about how many people there were wandering about. He’d almost forgotten how filled the world was with people. 

Hearing his own people and feeling the bustle in the heart of Venice from the connection with his country was one thing, but actually walking the streets of busy cities was a completely different experience. It made him realize that he hadn’t done much or gone anywhere that didn’t involve Romano, Japan, or Germany and Prussia recently. Even meetings took place in buildings that he’d been to twenty times before, and it involved people he’d known for centuries.

He simply hadn’t gone out lately, and being back in public for the first time in well over a month had him feeling anxious. The nerves nearly made him rethink coming along, but certainly this unease would pass once they reached the warm cabin and the rooms that they’d be staying in. He only had to keep that in mind until the group actually made it there.

He couldn’t quite figure out why he was nervous to such a degree, though. Had there ever been a time in the past where he was anxious about something so simple and common? Nations weren’t supposed to be afflicted with such a meaningless, fleeting worry. There he was, however, feeling almost human. The entire situation could have been laughable had it not been so bothersome and upsetting.

At Italy’s side, despite being none too certain of the underlying cause, Japan did his best to distract Italy at the first sign of distress. He still hadn’t gotten quite used to the growing number of small differences in his friend. While Italy had always been quick to run, he never used to be so quick to unnerve. If nothing else, Japan could start some fickle conversation that could reground Italy.

Once quiet complaints of the cold started growing in number, it was obvious they had arrived in the country. Even sparse grievances could be heard from England. Meanwhile, Canada and Russia were content finding fun in the others’ lack of cold resistance.

“Okay, guys,” Canada explained with a smile. “This hall is all for us. The rest of the building will be scattered with people, but this is our personal haven.” He gestured around, “Let’s split up and pick our rooms now. Each one has two beds, so break up as you see fit. When you’ve set down your stuff or finished unpacking, let’s meet here again, and we can get something to eat.”

As suggested, most chose to room in pairs, but a couple also chose to room by themselves. Also, while some pairs were what one would expect, surprising duos appeared, too. Prussia and Germany, England and France, and surprisingly America and Japan formed pairs quickly. China and Russia settled for not having roommates. The former was a bit disheartened that his younger brother hadn’t offered to pair with him, and the latter, while he said that the others were welcome to drop by at any time, wanted nothing less than a room to himself. 

In regards to the remaining two, Canada had been planning to take a room for himself after hearing America choose his dorm partner, but since Italy’s close allies had paired already as well, he thought he might at least give Italy the offer of being roommates. In addition, as Cadana thought about his nerves from the past couple weeks, he realized that spending time together would allow him to either quell his worries or get to the bottom of everything. 

Besides, there was no point in a getaway where you spent all your time isolated.

“Italy,” he called softly as he drew closer. “Do you want to room with me? It’s been a while, and it looks like both of our first choices are taken already.” His words were playful, and as he let out a chuckle, Italy looked over his shoulder to face Canada. 

Then, after casting a backwards glance at Japan, he said, “That sounds fun. Hmm, veh, which room do you want to take?”

Canada leaned in to whisper into Italy’s ear, but he didn’t quite expect Italy to freeze and lean back slightly. Though, it happened so quickly that he didn’t have a chance to back down. “I know where the room with the best heater is. Come on, you and I can get it if we hurry.”

Picking up his pace, Canada led them to their new room, and as he closed the door behind himself, he made his way to the heater in an attempt to ease Italy’s shivering. “I promise it’ll get warmer in just a couple of minutes. You really aren’t used to the cold, are you?” He moved so Italy could place his bag on the bed further from the window.

“Yeah, it’s been really cold at home lately, but nowhere near as cold as here. I get to wear all my sweaters now, so there’s a bright side at least!”

“Really, that cold in your country?” He pulled out some of the things from his bag to set out, and Italy had already taken a seat on his own bed, fully content with living out of his suitcase. “Well, maybe the world was helping you prepare for this trip, but if you need another blanket, just tell me.”

“Mhmm.”

Conversation came to a lull, and Italy merely watched Canada sort his things.

Rooming with Italy would be pleasant. Everything seemed to be going alright so far, aside from the one moment of hesitation out in the hall. While there wasn’t much time for discussion now since they had plans to meet with everyone again soon, the evening was still young, and they’d have the opportunity to catch up later.

In the room across from them, America and Japan were filling each other in, as well. Unlike with Italy and Canada, this room had a chatterbox that was more than eager to fill the silence. 

“Man, that heater needs to work faster,” America said while rubbing his hands together. “I spend time with Canada a lot, but why did we have to go further north? ”

Japan was using his phone when his turn to speak came, and it took a moment before he took notice. “I’m sure the room will be a comfortable temperature come nightfall, and the area we’ll be dining in will likely be warmer than here. The faster everyone settles, the quicker we’ll be able to warm up.”

As Japan pocketed his phone once again, America sent him a curious glance. “Who were you texting? I thought it’d be more like you to shut down your phone and be in ‘do not disturb’ mode for the next few days.”

“I needed to respond to a text from Romano, though I doubt he’ll have more to say after my message.”

“Romano? I didn’t know you were chummy with him?” America thought aloud as he wandered the room and looked in drawers. “Maybe he should have been invited, too. Me and my bro just thought he’d prefer not to come. That and, well, it’s Romano.”

Storing away the last of his things, Japan shook his head. “We honestly aren’t close. There was just something he wanted to ask of me. That said, I’m sure he wouldn’t have enjoyed the trip as we are. His temper unfortunately doesn’t match well with many besides his brother, and even that’s questionable at times.” He said the last part of his sentence dispiritedly, but he believed the words nonetheless.

Certainly, if Romano had joined them he would have spent his time wallowing in irritation at the other residents or unease over his brother. Agreeing to look after Italy so Romano could rest at ease from home was likely better for everyone. Thankfully, Italy hadn’t seemed any more put out on their journey here than he had over the past month. Perhaps the following couple days would pass without issue.

In the hall, Italy seemed to have happily accompanied Canada to a room, and Canada was a competent and considerate individual, giving Japan no reason to worry.

“I didn’t know his pride allowed him to ask for stuff,” America joked. “Well, at least you got that out of the way before the real start to this trip. It wouldn’t be cool having to deal with business while in the Rockies. Anyhow, speaking of the Italy brothers, how is Italy? No one from my side of the world has heard much from him lately, and I think Canada’s getting real worried, too.”

For a second, Japan’s mind blanked, not too sure how best to answer the question. Soon after, he told America simply, “We were wondering if he’d seen any of you all lately. Italy’s thankfully been doing better, but there've been some developments I should warn you about. The rest of this conversation isn’t for now, though. I’m sure we’re being waited upon by those in the hall, so are we ready to go?”

Before heading out, Japan quickly ran through a short list of things which had changed and required a newfound delicateness. Despite the length of list, it was interspersed with points like “startles easily” and “touch avoidant,” and due to the lack of time, America had no choice but to take in the information without a chance to question. 

Perhaps if the update had come from anyone but Japan, he might have thought himself the victim of a cruel joke, but Japan wasn’t one to act in such crude taste. Also, Japan’s explanatory tone, showing that this way of interacting with Italy was in no way out of the ordinary for him, only drove home the point of his words.

America very quickly was coming to believe that there was indeed a greater underlying cause to Italy’s lack of contact just as Canada had said. However, what had him the most on edge was that he knew he wasn’t the only one in need of hearing this new information. His brothers and even Russia were some people who would do good to hear about it, for instance.

After he’d come to an understanding with Japan, however, there was nothing for him to do other than take a happy face out to meet the others. Sure, maybe he wouldn’t be giving Italy a hug to raise his spirits as per usual, but his country wasn’t termed extravagant and innovative for nothing; he’d keep everyone in high spirits with his personality and wit alone.

In the other rooms, similar musings over what had Italy so quiet during their commute filled most everyone’s minds. Although France brought this to England’s attention, he quickly acknowledged it then brushed the topic aside, confident that there was nothing to worry about. In China’s case, he had mixed opinions. The behaviour was concerning, but he was caught between analysing it more and brushing it off. 

For Russia, he had certainly been surprised at Italy’s quiet demeanor. He probably wouldn’t have deemed the observation important; however, Japan had taken up the talkative role in, what appeared to be, an attempt at consoling Italy. Something which was very uncharacteristic for him. In Russia’s eyes, the role reversal suggested that something of interest had taken place which Japan knew about. Until he had more knowledge, it would be best to stay back and observe from afar. Not knowing the intricacies of a situation was a detriment that he did not care for.

After each group had their short moment of conference, everyone was in the hall once again and ready to dine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real next chapter 😈  
> I can't wait to see your reactions.  
> See you then!!  
> Please consider leaving a comment ^_^


	7. An Eventful Evening that Nobody Asked for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late. My life kinda went to shit yesterday, and I chose to give myself a break and post a day late. Hope y'all don't mind.

Their early dinner had gone well. Although a number of the cabin’s tables had to be pushed together, a couple minutes of rearranging allowed for them to stay off to one side of the room so that they weren’t a bother.

With appetites that had been building most of the day, everyone was eager to dig in. Even Italy, whose appetite was nearly nonexistent at the start of their early dinner, was glad to have food in front of him after the first few hesitant bites.

As the meals came closer to an end, people got up one by one to replace their dishes and clean their messes. America and Canada appeared to be whispering to each other at one corner of the table, but there were so many other interesting and more audible conversations that the two carried along essentially unnoticed. 

Then the mood shifted in an instant. France, who was coming back after clearing his dish, thought it a brilliant idea to greet Italy since they hadn’t seen each other lately and they’d yet to speak together since arriving. The problem with this, however, was France’s execution.

He walked directly behind Italy, swinging his arm overtop of the chair and around the other’s shoulder. He went to ask, “And how are you doing tonight?” Unfortunately, he barely got a word into his sentence because the instant Italy knew someone was behind him, an abrupt gasp filled the room, and France was pushed harshly into the table behind them. Italy himself took a second to clutch his forearm in pain from when he hit it against the table’s edge in his panic before then focusing his eyes to see who he had shoved away.

It was in this moment which Italy took to focus that shouts of exclamation rang out, and each person made a move toward one of the people who were part of the conflict.

As Italy continued holding his arm close, he said in a wavering voice, “Big brother France… I, I’m sorry.” He looked on with eyes screaming panic at what he’d done. France, who was starting to gather himself again, returned the gaze in disbelief. The voice came again, “Veh, I’m so sorry.”

Italy stood with unshed tears at the corners of his eyes, and he moved toward France in hopes of righting his mistake.

“Bloody hell, Italy! Have you gone mad? Stay there.” England’s infuriated voice washed over everyone, but even when France and America tried to calm him, his rage continued. Whatever reason Italy had for acting out like that, it wasn’t good enough for him.

Japan made his way to Italy, and everyone else tried to keep their distance until everything calmed.

At England’s incessant outburst, America dragged him away looking none too happy, and Canada followed soon after. Even still, the air continued to be unbearably tense.

“Big, veh, big brother France, are you okay?” That voice was still troubled and wavering.

With a stiff nod that soon turned sympathetic, France told him, “Yes. I’m okay, but what about you? You’re holding your arm, and you’re crying.”

For some in the room, this was the first notion that Italy had been hurt. Especially since France seemed to have regained most of his composure at this point, everyone’s focus shifted to Italy. 

He cast a glance down at his arm, but before he got the moment to speak. People were moving closer again and he took a step closer to Japan. He just needed a second to breathe. He was with people he knew and trusted. He just needed a second to make his brain consciously believe it.

“Please don’t come closer,” Japan told the room.

“Yeah, give him some room to breathe,” added Prussia as he moved to cover Italy’s other side.

At these words, Italy forced himself to take a breath and then another and once again after that. It did him a lot of good. While he was still shaking, he was able to watch as the room started to calm. Most of them were listening to Japan and Germany explain that everything was fine, though it wasn’t, but the center of the dinning area was not the appropriate place for this conversation.

Prussia’s intentionally loud steps alerted Italy to who was coming, and with his hand held out, Prussia asked in a whisper, “Do you want to leave?”

It took Italy a second to answer, but he took Prussia’s outstretched hand and they shuffled away from the commotion. Behind, they left a confused Russia, China, and France along with Germany and Japan to deal with damage control.

Germany led everyone into another room with fewer patrons, and Japan did his best to quell any worries. “This is not the time nor place for anyone’s questions, but Germany and I will explain some things. Please take a moment to hear us out before you jump to conclusions and antagonize him.”

Although Japan knew some things needed to be cleared up, he wasn’t keen on divulging details to the three before him. He’d have preferred greatly to be with Italy here. It wasn’t his place to say anything without Italy’s consent. Japan could only hope Prussia was able to calm him and take him somewhere away from the chaos.

He would be able to handle things here.

* * *

England’s hand was being pulled quite harshly by America as they dragged themselves away from the action in the cafeteria. “America! Unhand me! Hey, I said–” His words cut of with a grunt, and he forcefully pulled his arm out of America’s grip.

“Look, dude,” America said, “I’ll explain what’s going on, but you need to chill the hell out.”

“If you’re only here to lead me away from the fight in the dining hall, I’ll be heading back now to have a word with Italy.”

It was at this point that America’s patience cut out. “Hey, listen here,” he said in a dangerous tone that indicated dissatisfaction at his brother’s behavior. “That wasn’t a true fight, and you know it. If you had paid any attention at all, you’d have seen that Italy was shocked to hell and back and they both were worried that they’d hurt the other, so calm your ego until we get somewhere we can talk about this.” 

England’s anger stayed blind as America spoke and even for a moment after, but then his expression muted slightly as he considered what happened again. He was still wrapped in his frustration, though, as another pair of footsteps rushed down the hall.

“I’m sorry. I’m here,” Canada said to them as he recaught his breath. “Are you both okay?”

“I’m fine, but talk to the hothead over there.”

England huffed but swallowed his pride. That said, his words still held a bitter tone. “Pardon. I’m back in my right mind. However, I do believe you owe me a full explanation on why you have sided with Italy when he’s the one who overreacted.” 

“We don’t know much,” Canada told him while tapping his fingers together, “but the hall isn’t the place to explain what we do know. Can we go back to your room, America?” If they were all heading back to their rooms, perhaps it would be best to leave his own empty on the off chance that Italy returned. Walking into a crowded room after what took place was likely one of the last things he would want.

“Yeah. Come on. I think I learned some more from Japan.”

The moment the cardlock clicked shut again, they took seats in a huddle on one of the beds, and England simply waited. “And?”

“You said you learned more, America?”

He nodded, speaking first to Canada before shifting his attention to the both of them. “Mhmm, and I think you might have been right about him. England, when we asked you and France to look into Italy’s most recent socioeconomic predictions, it was because we thought he might be suffering from an internal struggle, but I think it’s something different now. Do you remember that?”

After getting a response that he indeed remembered, America continued. “Okay, well, since I’m rooming with Japan, he gave me a heads up before we met in the hallway. I think he was reluctant to tell me, but you gotta hear this Canada. He said, ‘There’s been some developments I should warn you about.’ Then he was like, ‘Italy’s been doing better, but please refrain from doing anything out of surprise. He’s more easily startled and touch avoidant. It would do everyone well, to not scare him since he’s already on-edge.’ And he said that with the most calm tone, too, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to him.”

Staring at nothing, Canada wondered aloud, “It would make sense that Prussia and Germany know about this, too. Prussia’s antics were decently tame today, and since Germany tends to be closer to Italy, he would also have to be aware.”

A stifled laugh filled the room. “That has to be a load of bollocks. You’re making this sound like a major deal, but this is Italy we’re talking about. He’s always quick to return to his normal self.”

America and Canada spoke at the same time.

“It’s been like this for over a month. Almost two”

“If you were right, we’d have stopped talking about it a month ago.”

After a moment of blanking, England relented. “Point taken. What exactly happened then? Say what happened today is due to something as pressing as you both believe, what is it? I’ve heard nothing of it.”

“And unfortunately, neither has America nor myself.” Canada’s voice was wholly dejected.

America continued on, “Maybe one of the former Axis would know, but we’ve only been recently clued in. Japan didn’t seem eager to tell me much either.”

The room fell quiet.

“That was serious,” England said without warning. “The way he reacted, I mean. If there was an event that took place, and this wasn’t a gradual change, the way Italy reacted is a likely sign of trauma, as I’m sure you both know.”

“I was hoping no one else would think that,” America admitted.

“He’s a nation, though,” Canada added, “even if that type of reaction is a sign of trauma in humans, it wouldn’t affect a nation in the same way, or more likely not at all. We’ve all been through experiences in war that would have greatly hurt us if we were human, but we aren’t.”

“And so what would you say was the cause behind that reaction?” The question left England’s mouth with unquestionable sarcasm.

No response came. 

“That reaction was bloody frightening no matter how you look at it, Canada. If no one wants to tell us what’s going on, we’ve only got sleuthing to rely on, and since we all saw him in the dining hall and recognized his response as trauma-based — no matter how unfortunate it is to say — it’s a possibility that requires consideration. Regardless of whether we’re nations or humans.”

“Um, guys.” America’s face was so drained of color that his complexion alone was enough to make those around him worried. “Could Italy be fading?”

“What? No. Foolish it is to even think that! Every nation would know if he were to fade. Moreover, if Prussia is still around, his continued existence is as good as guaranteed.”

“But hear me out dudes.” The gravity in America’s voice juxtaposed his words. “Italy’s different. He has Romano. Sure, there’s brothers like us as nations, but there’s two personifications of Italy: Italy Veneziano and Italy Romano. This has never happened before, so what if the same rules don’t apply?”

“That would explain why we’ve heard nothing, but…”

England then said in an unreadable voice, “He’s fine. He’s not fading. We’ve finished with discussing this point. It’s just as unreasonable as the first.”

“But that also makes it just as reasonable and feasible as the first point. Don’t you think?”

“Bro, I’m sorry, but I agree with Canada. I actually think it might be more reasonable than the first.”

Canada then asked in a reserved voice, “If we asked around, do you think we would even get the truth?”

“Well, we bloody well can’t keep sitting here, thinking that our friend is dying. We need to try. Before that, though, I need to apologize to Italy.” His brow furrowed in contempt. “The way I acted was uncouth, and I’m the one at fault.”

The bed bounced as the weight shifted. “I’ll go now. It would be better to smooth this over rather than let my words sink in.”

“Perhaps you should wait and give him space,” Canada suggested. “Everyone needs time to cool down, and he might want time alone after exhausting himself with worry and panic.”

At hearing his reasoning, England sat back down reluctantly. Upsetting Italy again was not the way to get back his trust, and if he showed up unannounced now, that would be the likely outcome. He truly had fallen from the role of a gentleman, and now it was his duty to rectify that misgiving.

* * *

Prussia led Italy into his room with his arm around the other’s shoulders. As the door closed behind them, Prussia fastened the double lock, and they sat on the floor just in front of the entryway.

Italy felt a little more in control of himself now that he was away from the heart of the action, but he was still shaken and not too inclined to speak. He was grateful to not have to walk another step. The floor was comfortable enough.

Prussia sat with his legs folded directly under him, and he held onto Italy’s wrists. “Wrap your hands around my wrists, Ita,” he directed while encouraging Italy’s hands in the right direction. After Italy did as instructed, Prussia kept talking, giving Italy’s mind enough of a distraction to let his heartbeat come to a resting pace once again.

“Isn’t this nice? You’re with me, and we get this whole awesome room to ourselves. I’m sure we could build a blanket fort in here or something, and West wouldn’t be allowed in. Well, not at first.”

For the following few minutes, Prussia rattled on with his one sided conversation, and he continued to do so until the grip on his arms lightened and the rise and fall of Italy’s chest reached a safe pattern. 

Neither of them should have become so acquainted with this pattern. It had been a while since they’d last seen it, however.

“How are you feeling?” Prussia asked, and their interlocked hands fell to where their knees just barely met. 

To Prussia it seemed that Italy was testing his voice before speaking as his verbal tic could be heard, then his words came with more vigor. “I’m a lot better now,” He told Prussia honestly. “But what about big brother France? I hurt him.”

“I’m sure he’s doing better now,” Prussia assured him. “You saw him moving around and talking with Japan before we left, so you know he’s okay.”

“I still hurt him when he was just trying to be nice.”

“He knows you didn’t mean to. He was more worried about you. Did you hurt your arm?”

Italy cast a glance at the arm he had been holding earlier. “It hurt worse when I first hit it because I was surprised, but I can’t really even feel where a bruise would be now.”

“That’s really good. I’m glad.”

“Prussia,” Italy called in a faltering, tearful voice, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I didn’t mean to ruin lunch.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay. What did France do that scared you? He usually greets you like that.” He scoffed somewhat, “No matter that it’s a tasteless way to go about things.”

He said this while realizing that he might have greeted Italy in a very similar way himself mere months ago. 

“France just… Veh, he just surprised me.”

“Who did you think he was? Anyone who noticed someone coming behind you would have protected you if they were dangerous. Surely you know that.” Prussia saw the beginnings of an internal battle raise in Italy’s mind. He could see it in the way his friend’s eyes flickered between him and the carpet below. A little bit of conflict might be good for Italy to organize his thoughts; Prussia just needed for Italy to confide in him before he became too absorbed in his worries and closed up.

Italy wasn’t too sure about Prussia’s claim. While he wanted to trust those words, his entire body shook at the thought that, by some slim chance, no one would be able to help him in time. To help him before–

What exactly?

“Ita-chan. You trust me, right? Who did you think it was that put their hand on your shoulder?”

He thought about what he felt in that instant. “I don’t know.” The human who filled him with so much fear was someone he’d never even seen. “It just wasn’t big brother France.” Not having a face was all the more reason to believe that _nothing ever took place_. Perhaps he’d only had a bad dream that managed to stick with him.

“You were starting to feel better before today, Italy.” 

When Prussia called his full name, Italy raised his gaze. The words were merely explanatory and void of any other emotion. It said that Prussia didn’t find his excuse to be enough, that he was serious.

But what Italy said was the truth, not some excuse. It was pathetic and lacking in all details, but it was the truth that he knew. Why did Prussia want more from him?

“Prussia,” Italy called with worry. If Prussia didn’t believe him, would he be sent away? He wasn’t lying. “I swear I don’t know who I thought it was!” 

Although Prussia wanted to keep asking, he noticed Italy shifting away, shuffling along the carpet. He took hold of Italy’s wrists again. “Take a deep breath. Feel my pulse, and let your heart copy it. I won’t hurt you.”

Once the atmosphere calmed again, Prussia tried to speak anew. 

“I believe you. You don’t know who you mistook France for. I need you to trust me, though. Tell me what you’re thinking, and we’ll work through it.” Hell be damned if he let Italy walk out of that room feeling the same way as he had for the past month. Italy was his friend, and he was tired of pretending that whatever had been going on between them was just a bump in the path or something that would pass on its own.

“Start with something small even.”

Italy didn’t speak.

“Does your jumpiness have to do with whatever happened before that meeting? Japan and West know that’s when you started worrying.”

His voice and glare turned vicious. “Stop talking about ‘before the meeting’ like you know anything. Everyone thinks something happened ‘before the meeting.’ Nothing happened. You weren’t even there.”

Prussia quickly apologized, and he saw Italy’s face fall with the realization of his own harshness.

“What can you tell me, Ita-chan?”

Italy still had yet to lie to Prussia — not any more than to himself, at least. This was his one chance to show that he was still trustworthy. That friendship actually meant something to him. Nothing could be worth that trust. Right?

No. Absolutely nothing was worth that. Not to Italy.

“I was caught off guard, and someone, veh, came up on me the same way as France did.” _Nothing happened._ “It felt like a dream, and it scared me.” _Dreams weren’t real._

“And you don’t know who it was, right?”

 _Nobody._ “No.” _He never saw a face._

“Do you know if they were a nation?”

He paused. Italy searched for a true response to the yes or no question that wouldn’t send his world crumbling. He couldn’t answer, though. He wouldn’t lie, but admitting that _nobody_ was human would be sentencing himself to a future of mockery and disdain. Nations were supposed to be near invincible, their only weakness showing in actual war.

“Ita-chan?”

It took a moment for Italy to force the words, “I can’t answer that,” past his lips. 

Then, after Prussia pushed aside his pride and the feeling of inadequacy that blossomed in his chest, he asked, “Do you think it would be easier to talk about it with you brother?”

That must have been the right thing to say, though, because Italy’s eyes lit up. It made sense. No matter how close Prussia and him were, brothers had a bond which was altogether different.

“Can I?”

“Mhmm, of course.” Prussia was glad that Italy seemed relieved at the offer. Maybe he was ready to talk about it. He just needed Romano to be the listener. “It wouldn’t be awesome to keep you from your brother.”

Pulling his phone from his pocket, and shifting his position in the process, he offered it to Italy. “You can use my phone if you want.”

“Actually,” Italy spoke once again with hesitance in his voice, “I should use my phone. He won’t pick up if your number shows in the caller ID.”

That was a good point.

“My phone’s in the room I’m sharing with Canada. I can go get it.” A bashful expression then made its way into his face. “And can you stay here? I don’t want someone to hear me speaking with Fratello.”

“You promise to make a call, Ita-chan?”

Italy couldn’t even begin to express the relief he felt in that instant.

“I promise, Prussia.”

“Is it okay if I hug you before you go?” Prussia asked him.

The warm embrace which came just after was his answer. The two held onto each other tightly, and Prussia was more than happy to feel Italy’s head rest in the crook of his neck. He hadn’t hugged Italy in so long, and he missed it just as Italy seemingly had as well.

* * *

Back with the group in the lobby, Japan assumed the job of assuaging all worries and confusions among Russia, France, and China. Germany stood proper at his side.

“Germany and I were hoping for the chance to inform you all sooner, and we accept any responsibility that falls on us for today’s occurrences.” Japan said his statement with a respectful bow. Then he moved onto the reason they were gathered. “Italy’s behaviour isn’t exclusive to today. For the greater part of two months, Italy’s developed an increasing sensitivity to nervousness and surprise. Though we don’t yet know the cause for his sudden change, please refrain from further sudden appearances and actions while around him.”

“Hey, Japan,” China called. “Why are we just hearing about this now? If he’s been this way for so long, you should have mentioned something.”

France assented with a nod, “Agreed. He hasn’t dropped by my place, and I didn’t think much of it. If his reaction today was a good judge of the situation, however, we should have been informed so that we can figure out how to fix this.”

Russia also showed interest in why this information was kept quiet. “For nations, issues like this aren’t to be ignored.” He spoke with a tone of dissatisfaction as well as one of morbid curiosity.

“Those of us closest to Italy thought it best to remain quiet, and we had hopes that this new side of him would disappear with time. Regrettably, our waiting may have made things worse.”

By Japan’s side, Germany added, “Over the week before this trip, he seemed to be doing better. I thought the improvement was a sign to stop worrying, and I doubt I was the only one.”

“After the first week,” Russia told them, “word should have spread. Nations do not let common problems affect them. This seems to have gone far past that. We can agree, yes?”

“This would have to be a problem from within his country then, right?” China wondered aloud as he looked closer at his younger brother. Japan looked somehow remorseful, and his posture lacked confidence. He should have acted sooner, and he knew it.

China’s idea was shot down quickly by France. “That isn’t it. Canada and America asked me to look into the state of things within Italy’s country a mere few weeks ago, and things couldn’t be running smoother.”

“So sneaky,” Russia said. “Has anyone taken the first step of asking him directly?”

Japan spoke up, “I have, and I have credible reason to believe an event took place just before the meeting six weeks ago. The meeting in my country. Italy is reluctant to answer questions about the incident or even acknowledge it, however.”

At the words “credible reason,” Germany’s interest was piqued. Although he and Prussia had narrowed the time of Italy’s shift in behaviour, they had only memories to support their claims. On the other hand, Japan spoke as if he had proof in which he held confidence.

“Then this is simple, is it not?” Russia told the group. “We simply place him in a situation where he has to explain, and in rooms with one door, this is not something hard.”

China added after him, “Situations which incapacitate nations can’t be allowed a second chance to occur. If it happens again and one of us is targeted, there is a larger chance for more successive attacks. Weakened nations can’t coexist without falling.”

“Italy has,” Germany stated. “He’s not fallen.” 

“Prussia literally is here, as well,” France added in a mumble.

Japan agreed, “We will not stand here and debate someone’s right as a nation. Italy has strengthened himself considerably since this began. The damage incurred as a result is undesirable to the utmost degree, but he is all but fallen.” His glare threatened a challenge.

“This conversation is over now,” Germany said. “For the time being, simply move with caution. Japan, Prussia, and myself will handle this.”

A muttered, “You’ve handled it splendidly so far,” came from someone’s mouth, but the group dispersed. 

As Russia walked off and contemplated the discussion further, he considered what exactly could be the mystery cause. Sure, everyone was a rival as nations, but as friends who’d known each other for millenia, they cared about each other. 

Since nations weren’t able to affect other nations so severely, there had to be another reason, and if a nation wasn’t at fault, that only left an animal or perhaps even a human. It was unlikely, but he wondered if Italy could have been bested by a human. Though rare, most of the older nations had seen it at least once before. Could it have happened again was the question. What an unbecoming way for a nation to fall apart.

As China also made his way back to his room with his mind a tangle of underdeveloped theories, France went toward Japan. “Please tell me more if you can. I’ve known Italy since he was a child. The man is as good as a brother to me.”

After a prolonged moment of hesitation, Japan explained that Italy had told him about ‘something that didn’t happen’ the day after their meeting at England’s. Japan also admitted, outside of earshot from Germany, that he believed that a physical assault might have taken place, but he had only vague evidence to support his thoughts. This was part of why he was proceeding with caution. However, it still didn’t make perfect sense within his own mind why a nation like Italy would still feel impacted by such an event that occured upwards of a month later. 

Japan went on to mention some of the more distressing signs of panic and unease which followed Italy near daily by this point, and he answered France’s questions as well as he could to help him better understand. Perhaps France could successfully coax the information out of Italy when nobody else could. Everyone who knew had certainly already tried.

As their conversation went on, signs of night showed when a few sets of overhead lights were dimmed by hotel staff. The group’s afternoon plans had been altered, but perhaps this secret of Italy’s coming to light for all would do everyone good. 

However, so late into the night wasn’t the time to think more on this, and Japan dragged his weary, weighed-down body to his room. Upon walking in, he dressed for bed thankful that America was already sleeping, likely from a similar exhaustion which plagued him. 

How the morning had begun with the meeting was beyond him. 

If he was this tired, Italy would have to be more so. As Japan laid down, he hoped for Italy to find it within himself to confide in someone. He’d exact revenge, no matter how full of folly such an act was, on the nation or nations to have forced his best friend into such a dark place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that escalated. I like this arc because it's when things start to get really interesting. I'm honestly excited to see everyone's reactions as the story progresses. How did you feel about the events of this chapter? Please consider leaving a comment to let me know ^_~
> 
> P.S. I apologize to all brits. I'm still not sure how to write a decent British accent;;;
> 
> next chapter: Paradigm Shift


	8. Paradigm Shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe me if I said I forgot about last week's upload until wednesday? Well, y'all get two chapters today as compensation. Now, I have a recurring alarm set on my calendar, so I don't forget to upload! Enjoy, and my apologies about the inconsistencies of the past few chapters ^_^  
> \----  
> This is the only **content warning** you'll get: realistic flashback.  
> This chapter is one of the heavier ones.

When Prussia opened his eyes, just enough light made it past the thick curtains to let him see the outline of his brother. After glancing at the clock on the shared nightstand, he felt around for his phone and realized he’d likely have to wait another hour or so for everyone to wake. Germany would wake at eight like clockwork.

In his recent notifications, he saw a text from Italy, and it read, “Thank you for helping me calm down last night!”

The beginning of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and he got out of bed to get more appropriately dressed. He wanted to make this call in the hall so as not to wake anyone. 

While he normally trusted Italy’s word wholeheartedly, a gut feeling that Italy hadn’t held true to his promise yesterday was the first feeling he woke to. A quick call to Romano would be able to put his mind at ease. He just had to hope the other would pick up.

At the click of the phone’s receive tone, Romano made no hesitation to speak. “For what ungodly reason are you calling me at this hour, Potato Bastard two?”

“Pleasure to hear your kind voice, too,” Prussia said with bold-faced sarcasm. “Did Ita-chan call you?”

A number of time zones away, Romano’s breath caught. What could be so pressing that Prussia was calling him before the sleep had even left his voice? “Don’t call him that. And why exactly would I have gotten a call from him?”

He heard a curse on the other line before Prussia told him, “Italy lied. There was a problem yesterday, and I was trying to convince him to tell me the truth about the past month after he had a panic attack. He promised to call you about it to get out of an ultimatum apparently. I trusted him because he’s never lied to me.”

“It’s more likely he found a way around what you said,” Romano told him dryly. “What did you ask him?”

“If the person who attacked him was a nation. Well, better worded, but that essentially.”

The sentence made Romano’s stomach drop, and he parroted Prussia’s words in astonishment before actually responding. “Attacked him… How did you learn he was attacked?”

“He told me he was snuck up on from behind. From how he’s acting, it’s not a jump in logic to say he was attacked.”

“Prussia,” Romano said unsteadily, “I think they were human.”

“How–”

“I’ve been having Japan keep watch over my dumb little brother when he’s not too scared to leave the house. Apparently, at some point, Veneziano mentioned in a hypothetical that he was worried about not being able to protect himself against a human. He’s been kicking ass in your shitty daily training recently, right? It’s because he’s been fucking trying to protect himself if whatever it was were to happen again!”

The more Romano spoke, the more his voice fell apart, and the more he thought about everything his brother had been through, a number of things fell into place. 

Prussia himself was also connecting more of the puzzle pieces. “He didn’t want to say anything because they were human. For any other nation to hear that a human had won in a fight, it could make any one of us laughing stock if the wrong person found out.

“And it happened literally the night before the meeting in Japan,” Romano confirmed. “He wasn’t able to sleep, but he didn’t come into my room. The next day he tried to stay home by pretending to be sick, but I brushed him off so we wouldn’t be late.”

Then his voice fell completely void of emotion. The numbness of his words was heavy, making even the room where Prussia was feel stifling.

“Prussia. Did he say anything else about what happened?”

“Nothing.”

As Prussia gave his response, a door handle rattled a couple doors down. He stayed quiet until he saw Japan walk out and look his way. When they made eye contact, Japan made a pose with his hand to silently ask with whom Prussia was speaking, and when he was beckoned closer, he squatted at the other’s side to read the caller name displayed. 

To Romano, Prussia explained, “Japan just woke up. He’s beside me.”

“Let me talk to him.” 

The phone was handed off, and Japan gave a quick greeting. Romano’s mind was too set on its current path to process the introduction, much less return one. “You should have texted last night if something happened. That’s not important now, though. What more do you know about the attack?”

“The attack?”

Prussia took in Japan’s curious glance and then quickly explained, “Ita bailed on me yesterday, and since then, Romano and I learned that he was attacked by a human the night directly before the meeting in your country.”

“The fuck, Potato Bastard! Don’t just give away that information!” Fury thoroughly laced Romano’s static-distorted words, and he had to bite his tongue to hear what Prussia was saying next.

He didn’t sound inclined to deal with childish impetuosity, either. “Look, you’ve trusted Japan up to this point. That’s why I told him. No matter what you think about me, I’m not that thick-headed. You’re not the only one who cares about your brother.”

Romano cursed his own actions, and he responded simply, “Just don’t tell anyone else. Even your brother might not take well to knowing that a human was involved.” Directing his focus toward Japan, a brief pause from his end passed through the receiver before he asked, “What more can you tell us, Japan? ”

“Nothing more, unfortunately,” he said. Learning that his theory of Italy being attacked was true was dreadful but not unexpected. However, the fact that a human had been the cause of all this was a hard topic to grasp. While part of him didn’t want to believe this, logic encouraged him to push past his uncertainties for Italy’s sake. Besides, he’d have more than enough time to talk this over with himself later.

“Well, do you know anything about how altercations with a human affect a nation, or about how human-nation interactions differ from those with other nations?”

Reaching into long past memories, Japan told him, “The ancients made efforts to learn about it in the past, but many things remained unknown. Just as we feel our people and understand the hardships they endure, we are capable of experiencing those emotions in our own lives if the situation calls for it. Most nations have experienced romantic love at some point, for example, with a human, and that’s an emotion which isn’t inherently one of a nation. Likewise, negative emotions such as traumatization may also be borne if in the right conditions. However, those specific conditions were never identified or even recorded.

“Truthfully, this was the ancients’ theory more than anything. Because it’s exceedingly rare for such information to be of any use to us, the research fell out of practice with the fall of most great ancient empires. Even if there was still a common interest among the nations, it would be cruel to ask any of us to partake in ‘experiments’ which test that limit solely because we are immortal.”

Romano and Prussia took in the information with earnest. Japan was the only one to have any understanding of how these things might work, and further refusing to acknowledge it would be detrimental. 

Although Prussia was an older nation, the interest the ancients had in these studies hadn’t been one he shared, and while part of him wished his past self had been more self-aware, there was no hope in changing the past. Instead, he focused on the present. 

The first person to speak up, with avarice bleeding into his words, was Romano. “That’s fucking fantastic, and no one has experience in dealing with this either.”

“Any recommendations on how to handle this, Japan?” Prussia asked.

With a sigh, he told them, “Not a clue.”

After a couple failed discussions about the next step to take, the only thing anyone knew was that they needed to talk to Italy and get Italy to talk to them.

With the final word, Romano told the two, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m meeting you in that frozen tundra that Canada calls a home. Keep Veneziano out of trouble, and don’t bring up this conversation. Let him think he got away with dodging questions until I get there. I’ll be the one to talk to him.”

“Perhaps you should call him first, Romano,” Japan added.

“Some things just aren’t done over the phone. Trust that I know my brother well enough, and do what I say.”

Romano ended the phone call with a _click_. 

Standing in the center of the room, frustrated tears burned at Romano’s eyes. For nearly a minute, the world passed by him as he tried to regain control of his emotions. When he stopped finding the point in that, his gaze shot directly upward, and the screams he let out tore at his throat until it became painful to breathe.

“You were supposed to fucking protect him!” Romano begged his voice to reach the heavens, and with nails digging into the palms of his balled fists, he cursed his grandfather once again. “Veneziano doesn’t deserve this shit, and what the hell are _you_ doing to help him!”

He was naive to think he would be able to resolve everything by discovering what his brother was hiding. The times Italy had lied to anyone before weren’t caused by situations that he could resolve by decking someone or by spouting commonplace consolations, with whispers of “you’ll be okay again soon.”

His brother had been screaming for someone to understand, and all Romano had been able to do was watch. All this was because nations were prejudiced in believing that nations would forever be stronger than humans, and Italy had somehow gotten it into his head that his own brother would be exactly like them.

Grabbing only his thickest coat, Romano shut the door behind him and started toward his destination. This wasn’t the time for his own self-pity. He’d had weeks for that by this point. 

Now was the time for him to step up and take his role as the older brother seriously. 

* * *

By some miracle, Canada both turned in later and woke up earlier than Italy. Rather than getting ready for the day, though, he stayed laying on his side, looking at Italy’s still sleeping form in the other bed. 

For all Canada knew, he might have been sleeping next to a fading nation. 

Although it was only a speculation, it was the one plaguing his mind with the most ferocity. That was the worst-case scenario. While he wanted to confront Italy — for his own peace of mind if nothing else — he wondered if he or anyone else had the right to ask another nation about their mortality.

When he entered his and Italy’s room the night before, a light had been left on for him in courtesy, but Italy was already deep in sleep. Even the reprieve of sleep hadn’t lifted the look of exhaustion from his face. Circles highlighted the area around Italy’s eyes, and it was evident that he’d spent a fair amount of time in tears since the waste bin nearest to him was filled with tissues.

Certainly, there wasn’t anything else that would cause him such grief.

However, there wasn’t time to entertain that thought because he saw the blanket over Italy’s shoulder slide down as an arm lifted to rub at his eyes. Then, when he rolled over to check the time, he took note of Canada’s relaxed yet awake posture.

“Good morning, Canada,” Italy said in a blearily peaceful tone.

Maybe memories of yesterday had yet to register, and for that reason, he was as leisurely as Canada had always known him to be. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Did you see big brother France after lunch?” Italy asked in his still sleep-laden voice.

“France is okay. He’s more worried about you since his intention wasn’t to scare you so thoroughly.” 

Recognizing the hidden question, Italy took a moment to clear the fog from his mind before pushing himself to a sitting position and responding. “I feel better now, but I was really shaky and, um, not okay yesterday. Everything’s okay now since Prussia helped me feel better, but I do want to say sorry to France when I see him.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, but I’m sure France will be happy to see you’re well,” Canada said. His voice trailed for a moment, and he leaned toward the nightstand to grab his glasses as he asked, “Speaking of this, it may not be my place to ask, but what exactly happened at lunch?”

Italy’s gaze broke away, and he explained quietly, “It’s honestly not something that I want to talk about, but can I ask you something instead?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Well, veh, do you know how to forget something that you can’t forget?”

Canada’s eyebrow quirked, “What do you mean by that?” There had to be a point in asking such an outlandish question. Even odder, Italy was usually one who prayed to never forget things.

“I’d really like if this conversation could stay between you and me, if that’s okay, Canada. Every time other people think something’s wrong, I feel like I don't even have room to breathe. This something I feel like I can’t ask them.”

Given his own anxieties about Italy over the past couple months, Canada wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance to swear secrecy. Rather than agree exactly to the terms given, he told Italy, “You can talk to me. You don’t even feel like you can ask Romano?”

“Please, promise me that you won’t let this conversation leave this room.”

Canada wondered at what point Italy had become so sly with words as he cringed internally. Just recognizing the word choice for what it was told Canada a lot about Italy’s character. It took a user to recognize another’s use of the skill. “I promise I won’t let this conversation leave this room.” While he didn’t feel quite comfortable making the promise, it seemed to be the best path forward. 

“Thank you,” Italy told Canada with a smile. By this point, he was sitting criss-cross atop of the bed, his body fully facing Canada. “With Fratello, I don’t want him to know more than he already does. If I asked him, I’d either make him more worried or mad.”

“So what did you mean by trying to forget something you can’t forget? I don’t think it’s possible to force yourself to forget something, and actually, the more you try to forget about something specific, the more you tend to remember it.”

“I know that,” Italy said begrudgingly, “but if you were trying to forget, where would you start?”

“I feel like it depends on what you’re trying to forget, but I’m not sure if there is a trustworthy answer. Still, let’s try to figure this out. What do you want to forget and why? Playing with memory is dangerous, and even if it weren’t, memories shape who you are. You might wish you hadn’t forgotten in the future.”

“This isn’t a memory I’d ever miss,” came Italy’s words with certainty.

“I’m guessing it’s something unpleasant then?” Canada received a nod in response. “If that’s the case, maybe it’s best you talk about why it’s bothering you with someone. I could even listen if you felt comfortable. As a friend, it’s the least I can do.”

Shaking his head furiously, Italy told him, “There’s nothing to talk about. I just keep having dreams about it, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Nightmares can be as real as reality.”

“There has to be another way to forget… Veh?”

“I don’t think there is anything that can truly make a person forget something. Perhaps England might be able to help with his magic — he wants to apologize to you, too — but he always grumbles about how intricate and complex mind magic is. I doubt he’d offer magical help. Talking is something that _has_ been proven to help calm the mind. It’s supposed to help you determine whether something is truly a threat.”

For a few moments, Italy thought about what was said. After a while, he said to Canada, “That’s really human. You’re thinking like humans think.”

A chuckle escaped Canada, “I guess you’re right. We don’t know much about nations, so I guess I just fell back on what my people know.

“So none of that would even help anyway, right? It’s probably not true for nations.”

“It might not be true, but what could it hurt to try? Also, don’t take this the wrong way, but what I saw yesterday, that was a really human display of emotion.”

The room went quiet. Human was the last thing Italy wanted to be compared to. Canada could only wait for a response that wouldn’t come. 

“Why don’t we try it? If you don’t think it’ll help after a couple minutes, we can stop. Besides, ‘this conversation doesn’t leave this room.’ Isn’t that right?” Standing up, Canada took a seat on Italy’s bed, and they both shifted so it wouldn’t dip so steeply.

It took a few attempts for Italy to find his voice, but when he convinced himself to speak, the words came out choppy and uncertain. All that was important was that the words were audible. “Veh, what I want to forget was something that happened between me and someone else. I wasn’t being careful, and she fell atop of me. What happened made me really scared, but I think it made her angry.”

Italy refused to make eye contact as he bit out his next sentence, “I just wasn’t _strong_ enough to stop anything. I wasn’t _smart_ enough.”

“Well, what did she do?” Canada asked. “You said she was angry, but so far it doesn’t sound like there was much of anything either of you could have done differently or that would make this a memory you want to forget so desperately.”

“Nothing leaves this room?”

The insistence with which Italy begged this of Canada was terrifying. This Italy was changed from the one he knew. If he denied, he wouldn’t get to hear Italy’s story, but he was almost certain in saying that whatever he’d be told would need to be shared with someone. Romano if no one else.

Sometimes deception was a necessary evil. 

And his words reflected this, as Canada spoke in a cool, even tone. “Of course.”

And the seconds it took for Italy to push past the lump in the back of his throat felt impossibly unending to both parties.

“I was overpowered. I couldn’t protect myself.”

Canada needed more information. Those words could mean far too many things.

“Italy, what did she do?”

Silence.

“Italy.”

Tears started making their way down Italy’s cheeks and onto the sheets, yet he still didn’t want anyone to know. Canada already knew that somebody — who had at some point stopped being _nobody_ without him noticing — was a woman, and still he was so alone because his life would be over if any of the nations knew the entire account of what took place.

“I’m so tired of this, Canada,” Italy cried. His body was closing in on itself. “I’m trying to get stronger, and it’ll never be enough.”

And he couldn’t believe that he was breaking down in front of Canada of all people. He hadn’t planned for this.

After getting up to bring the small, square tissue box over, Canada spoke with a mix of compassion and determination. “You are strong. Stronger than you believe. Take a deep breath. Do you think you can tell me what happened?”

With a moment’s hesitation, Italy shook his head.

“Could you write it?”

He thought longer, and then came an uncertain, barely perceivable nod.

Gesturing for Italy to grab his phone, Canada said, “Try writing it in your notepad. Then you can delete it if you want.”

Italy stared at the phone on the bedside table for a moment before leaning to grab it. He didn’t want to remember. Never again did he want to think about the specifics. Just the images of that woman at the front of his mind was enough to make him nauseous. 

Letter by letter, Italy did his best to explain that night, but it was so difficult to make himself think about it, and much more so to relive it while typing. 

“I was pinned down, and the grip was too tight for me to fight back. Then at some point, I was too scared and hurt to move even if I wanted to. When I was finally alone, I didn’t even want to move to head home, but once I convinced myself to go home, Fratello wasn’t there. After dragging myself into the shower, I was exhausted but couldn’t get to sleep, and when I finally did, nightmares woke me up. I can’t stop thinking about it all no matter how much I try.”

When Italy’s thumbs hovered over the keypad for a full minute, Canada asked simply, “Have you finished?” He took the phone from Italy’s hands after he saw Italy nod and pass it. 

Taking in each sentence, Canada was a bit underwhelmed at exactly how little helpful or enlightening information was written, but that didn’t make the description less shocking. However, there wasn’t anything to complain about. Italy was trying to talk to him, and as far as he knew, this was the first instance Italy hadn’t hid inside himself, restrained by his fears.

But Canada and his brothers had been wrong. Italy wasn’t fading. He was attacked. Still, it didn’t make sense. Nations’ minds worked differently than those of humans. What happened shouldn’t be affecting him. It was proven by times of national hardship and simply in the way the current nations had interacted over the years. 

Yes, petty disagreements kin to those among humans were common, but trauma responses had never been unpredictable in a nation. They simply didn’t exist. What could make this time different?

“You were hurt by a human, weren’t you?”

The look of dismay which crossed Italy’s face was enough to confirm the question for Canada. The difference was that trauma responses weren’t processed by a nation’s brain properly if the conflict was with a human, a threat that the brain didn’t recognize as being another nation. 

“Try to relax,” Canada said. “Whether she was a human or a nation, it doesn’t matter. Alright? What matters is helping you to feel better.” He prompted Italy to control his breathing then went on to say, “Do you remember what she looked like?”

Italy denied again, and Canada caught only the end of his mumbled response. “… panicked in the dark. Maybe brown or black hair.”

“And I’m the first person you’re telling about this?” A nod. “Are you scared for your brother to find out because she was a girl or because she was human?”

Once again, Italy’s mouth stayed firmly shut, and the blanket around him was pulled more snuggly. There was no way to explain that his fear was due to those two things and something more. The severity of which he had yet to decide.

“Veh… Can we stop now? It’s not important, and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Don’t say it’s not important. If something is bothering you, it’s important. If you want we can go get breakfast? You can relax, and we can try this conversation again later? Also, you really need to eat something. The last time you did was lunch yesterday, and since you had a panic attack, you need even more energy to help yourself feel better.”

Italy’s right arm poked out from the blankets, and he held out his pinky. “Nothing leaves this room?”

Their fingers interlocked. “I promise”

When both their hands dropped, Canada gave a sad smile. 

* * *

Breakfast passed amicably, though China and Russia felt awkward and out of place. Canada had even taken a second to tell his brothers that Italy wasn’t on death’s door, and without having the time for explanation, they too started laughing and feeling light-hearted once Canada set the precedent.

Japan, Germany, and Prussia, for their part, had resolved to pass the morning normally so as to placate Romano. In all honesty, seeing a smile on Italy’s face was a great reward after the night before. His smile might have been weary, but it was a smile.

Later in the day, as Italy and Prussia were huddling by the indoor fire, waiting for a free shower, the main door opened with a slam. Canada, who had been speaking with one of the hotel stewards, was more than shocked to see Romano making his way inside, his outermost coat soaked from the snow.

“Whose brilliant idea was it to start living in such a never-ending blizzard anyway!” Romano grumbled as he made his way to Veneziano, who he thankfully didn’t have to search for. 

Confused, Italy called his brother’s name. He barely finished since the other had something he wanted to say. 

Romano offered his hand, and with unwavering eye contact, he said, “There’s something I want to talk about, Veneziano.”

After a second, Italy took the offered hand and stood. He said a quick goodbye to Canada and Prussia, and they could be seen talking as Romano turned a corner.

The instant they were out of eyeshot, Italy was engulfed in a strong hug. “You dumbass, I’ve been worried sick,” Romano said with his chin nestled into the other’s neck. When he pulled away, he asked, “Show me to your room. Do you have your cardkey?”

Once he was led inside, Romano stood closest to the door, and he exchanged his wet clothes for the warm blanket which Italy had been using that morning.

“I know what happened. I know why you’ve been so jumpy lately,” Romano said simply. “Why didn’t you think you could trust me? I wanted to help you.”

Unfiltered defeat washed over Italy, and through the dryness in his mouth, he said with a tic, “Fratello… I… I’m sorry.” Through their link, certainty was the only thing he felt from Romano. His gaze flickered around momentarily before resting on the floor. “I couldn’t stop her. I tried. Now, veh, I’m the only nation who is so weak that they were… taken advantage of by a human.”

Italy had cried so much in the past few days, and for what? If Romano knew, did anyone else? None of the struggle felt worth the few gains he’d received even before they’d come on this trip, but now that there was nothing to hide, that was as good as proof that everything he’d put himself through was pointless. Thoroughly useless. 

Regarding Romano, his eyes were wide and threatening to let tears fall, too. He was a shit brother, and the scene before him was proof. 

“Taken advantage of?” He asked Veneziano in absolute despair. “You were raped?”

That was when Veneziano looked up again with haste. “You didn’t know? You said you did.”

“You were attacked by a human the night before the meeting at Japan’s. That’s all I knew. I’m so damn glad for this misunderstanding, though. Why didn’t you trust me?”

“How could I tell anyone?” Italy stressed. “I, veh, lost to a woman, but more importantly, I lost to a human. And I–” The words caught in his throat, unable to finish the sentence. He stood before his brother, tense and with gross tears making his face red.

“I’m gonna give you a hug,” Romano said as he moved forward. 

This time Romano did his best to keep his embrace secure but not panicked. It was a difficult task to follow through with as he felt his brother’s body shake, fingertips digging into his own shoulder blades. As much as Romano wanted to destroy the person who had hurt his brother, he knew his place now was to be here acting as comfort.

While Italy stood with his arms around Romano, he did his best to regulate his breathing as Prussia had shown him the night before. When he was having trouble calming himself, however, he found the waste of energy a moot cause.

“Romano,” Italy called in a muffled whisper. “Did you tell anyone?”

“Japan and Prussia know you were attacked by a human, just like how I thought earlier. That’s it.”

“Does Germany?”

“No.”

If nothing else, Italy wanted to apologize for deceiving Prussia. What he did to trick Prussia last night wasn’t a lie, but the guilt fell over him as if the actions were one and the same. Also, if they already knew what was happening… “Could you call Japan and Prussia here? Maybe Canada, too.”

“Once we’ve finished talking just you and me,” Romano told him. He broke the hug and led them to the nearest bed. “Are you willing to tell me about what happened now that I know what’s going on? Can you tell me who this woman was?”

“... Veh. I can’t remember her face. I know that I saw it, but I can’t see it clearly in my memory. I know she was Italian and her hair was either dark brown or black.”

“Think back. Is there anything else you can say to describe this person.”

Quickly, he shook his head.

“You didn’t even have the time to think back before denying, Veneziano. Breathe and think back.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Vene–”

“I don’t want to!” Irritation made its way onto Italy’s face in the way his eyebrows pointed downward. After a moment, he convinced himself to calm. “It’s hard to tell what’s real when I do that, and I hate how panicked and uncertain it makes me,” he explained with averted eyes.

“We’ll come back to that in a second then. When we do, I’ll ground you through it. I want you to answer other questions first. Is this why you’ve been losing your appetite?”

Italy gave a nod in response. “Food just makes me nauseous now.”

“All the time?”

“Most of the time, but it makes me nervous to eat when I don’t feel nauseous because I’m worried that’ll change as I’m eating.”

“Why have you been going for runs in the evening? That didn’t start until after the Japan meeting. You said they were walks, but you left enough hints each day on accident for me to know.”

Hesitation came before Italy’s next words. “I need to get stronger.” He watched as Romano stayed quiet, awaiting more information which Italy quite honestly did not want to give. With the conversation having gone this far, though, there couldn’t be anything to lose. 

Besides, this was Romano. He wouldn’t get mad. Frustrated, yes, but not mad. Not at him.

“I wanted to train more, so I added another session each day. I watched over it myself, and I had to do it later in the day because you got too hurt when I did it right after Germany’s training. I don’t like seeing you hurt, and it made you worry when you didn’t need to.”

“Obviously, I had to,” Romano said in a breath. “I’m certain you weren’t eating enough for that kind of activity either.” When the other opened his mouth to ease the statement’s severity, Romano hurried to quiet him. “That wasn’t a question. Can you tell me about the loophole you found in Prussia’s words last night? I don’t think you lied to him.”

“He asked if I would make a call once I left. That was his final question. I called myself and left a voicemail.”

Romano placed a light smack on Italy’s head. “You should have called me. I would have rather been able to talk with you than with the Potato Bastard’s brother. Last thing and then you can call someone else up. You need to talk about what happened. If nothing else, we need to see if we can find this person. I know it’ll be hard, but put your hands on my shoulders and tell me everything you can about the assailant and what took place.”

Italy’s hands were guided to rest on his brother’s shoulders, and he closed his eyes while taking a breath in. He didn’t want to do this. All he had to do was not focus on– 

The darkness around them. 

And the cold concrete below him.

His shoulder blades screamed as he was pushed down again sternly in his struggle to break free. The hand holding his wrists felt like handcuffs with how sharply it hurt, and the faceless person’s other hand moved from holding him by the collarbone. Struggling, he could only fear what she might try next.

“Fucking strong aren’t you,” the assailant spit out. 

No thanks to the street lamp’s light trickling in from the alleyway’s entrance, he suddenly noticed a sinister pressure on his throat. Begging himself to move, his hands stayed pinned above him, and his breaths came in gasps. Only clipped streams of air slipped past the suffocating hold. Full breaths escaped him, and the energy to fight back went gradually with it. 

When had this person leaned in, leaving thick breath against his face? “I’m stronger, babe. Stop fighting.” Even so close, everything about that face remained hidden. With the blackness of night, the length of her hair, and the lack of clear vision in his oxygen deprived eyes, all that remained was the sensation of hands around his wrists leaving to move downward. 

Can’t breathe.

His hands grabbed clumsily at the one obstructing his breathing. Why couldn’t he kick her off? He just needed to breathe. Then maybe he could stop this. He needed to breathe. He needed her to stop. _Stop_.

And where had the singing come from? Or his name being called? She couldn’t know his name. The only one who called him “Veneziano” was his brother. Then he felt hands on his shoulders again. Lightly resting, not painful like the woman’s. The sensation of hands was still terrifying. If they were only resting, though, he could push them off.

Once those hands were no longer touching him, the room he found himself in was bright. Too bright after the pitch black of night, and he couldn’t remember how he’d gotten there. There was his name being called again. Hastily.

“Veneziano, look at me! It’s Romano, your brother. I’m the only one here. You’re with me in your hotel room. The one that you’re sharing with Canada.”

Wild eyes searched around the room to find who the voice belonged to, and when his eyes landed on Romano, he took a moment to stare. There was no way his brother could be there, he was just in an alley.

“You need to breathe, Veneziano. I’m your brother, and we’re in your hotel room on your bed.”

That’s right. They came to Canada’s home for a vacation. 

Although the words were hitched, Romano noticed as Italy mouthed one word: “Prussia.”

Wasting no time, Romano pulled out his phone, offering a hand to Veneziano on the off chance that he was certain enough to take it. As the receiver clicked, he felt his brother’s hand slip hesitantly into his.

“What’s–”

“Haul ass, and meet me in Veneziano’s room.” 

The call ended immediately, and Prussia ran across the building with a towel still around his neck. His shower could wait.

* * *

Just like the night before, Prussia sat with Italy and helped him work through his panic, and all Romano could do was watch on uselessly as Prussia was able to help in a way that he couldn’t. With his arms wrapped around himself, Romano’s expression showed a concern which he hadn’t allowed anybody other than Veneziano to see for years.

When Italy became able to distinguish flashback from reality again, he shuffled uncomfortably from Prussia’s hold. While a part of him wanted to be hugged, he was sure that he’d lose his stomach if he had to feel another person touching him for a second longer. 

After asking Romano to call up Japan — and Canada after a moment of self-doubt — Italy faced Prussia again. “Thank you, and I’m sorry for tricking you last night.”

“It’s okay that you lied. It’s just good that you have Romano here now.”

“I didn’t lie.”

“Veneziano found a loophole just like I told you.”

Again, Italy kept talking. “I’m sorry. I won’t trick you again, and I won’t lie to Japan again either, okay. Just please don’t tell anyone but Canada and Japan anything.”

“We won’t,” Prussia promised. “We just want you safe and feeling better. It’s not your fault you were attacked.”

“It’s not his fault,” Romano agreed, “but don’t think you have the full story. He wanted to tell you by asking you three up here, I think.”

When Italy turned his head toward his brother and began saying something in Italian, Prussia bluescreened as he listened to the words he couldn’t understand. He watched Romano say something back and as a couple more exchanges passed between them, and all he caught was Italy’s tic among the confusion.

Without warning, Romano looked to Prussia, and he said, “The others should be here soon. I’ll meet them outside.” Then, as the door closed behind him, Prussia and Italy were left on the bed where they sat.

“Um, Ita-chan, what were you two saying?”

“I didn’t say it in English because I only wanted Fratello to understand. Sorry.”

Though a part of Prussia was desperate to know what had been said, he’d be lying if he were to say that he didn’t do the same thing with Germany. How nations such as America and England were content knowing only one language was beyond both of them.

Italy’s voice broke Prussia away from his wandering thoughts. “You were the one person left who I didn’t want to lie to, Prussia,” he said unprompted. If Italy’s words alone weren’t enough to express his regret, his expression certainly confirmed it. “I’m sorry. I did my best to not trick you either, but you know me too well, and you knew I was trying to keep something a secret… Can you promise that you’ll never leave, that you’ll never stop being my friend?”

He stuck his pinky finger out with a smile. “I promise. Being your friend is awesome, and I would never end that.”

Looking at Prussia’s outstretched finger, Italy hesitated to move, still in the midst of shaking off the effects of his flashback. A conflicted look crossed his face unconsciously as he thought about this. It was just a pinky promise and Prussia was the offerer, so there really should be no reason to feel so adverse to meeting halfway.

Before the decision had to be made, though, Prussia lowered his hand to rest on his lap once again. Although his heart fell at seeing his best friend’s reluctance to accept such a simple, self-initiated touch, he moved as if he were unbothered and with the hopes that his happy, unperturbed facade might ease Italy’s mood. “Don’t push yourself, Ita-chan. I know you understand me. We can even come up with something new in place of a pinky promise later if you want.”

Thankful that Prussia wasn’t mad or disappointed, Italy said with a relieved smile and a tic, “I’d really like that.”

The hotel door opened once again with the click of an approved keycard. Romano walked in with Japan and Canada in tow, both of whom were given a brief warning outside about what they were walking into. 

“Hey. Japan, Canada,” Italy greeted. One by one, each person shuffled around to form a small circle with the space they had. “I know you wanted to finish what we started this morning Canada,” he said vaguely. The rest of his sentiment remained unsaid.

Although Canada was unused to being a part of this group, he found it even stranger that Germany hadn’t joined them. The secrecy about this entire situation was startling, and for valid reason. With what he knew from his own gatherings, this was not a joyous meeting. Of that, everyone was agreed.

Romano said something more to his brother in Italian with an inquisitive tone, and once he got a response, he began speaking to the room. “I’m not sure how you managed to make your way into Veneziano’s close circle, Canada, but all of you need to swear that what’s said here won’t leave this room without his consent.”

Hums and various declarations of agreement passed through the air before Romano continued. “Veneziano wants to tell you something. I’m not sure yet if I agree that this is in his benefit, but it’s not something I get a say in. I’m here to pass along the message because I’m not cruel enough to make him do it.”

Another few quick sentences between the brothers in a language only known to them. However, the suspense did have each person internally cursing their own lack of knowledge in Italian.

Romano’s eyes passed around the circle once more, and he said in an even tone, “My brother was raped.” The fists balled at his side contrasted his the calmness of his words, but he went on to say, “Not a word leaves this room.”

Silence fell upon the room. 

Japan’s stature grew stiff as his disappointment in himself turned to rage. Any of Italy’s previous actions which had seemingly taken place without reason suddenly made perfect sense, and although vengeance was something unbecoming of a Japanese man, it now occupied most of his mind. Unprovoked attack was already unforgivable, yet Italy’s assailant had decided it was okay to go further.

In contrast, Canada felt as if his body had turned languid, and his mind fell blank. Even thinking back to their conversation from that morning was an insurmountable task. If he was more determined to speak with Italy when he had first noticed something abnormal, perhaps Italy would not have been left to cope by himself for so long.

Prussia had tears behind his eyes. He wouldn’t let them fall, though. Some small part of his mind told him that this was a possibility. All the signs were there. From that night he woke Italy from his nightmare and into blind panic, he’d known that this possibility was growing more and more likely, yet he’d continued to remain silent.

“Veh, say something guys.”

Prussia was the first to speak, eyes glossy with tears unshed. Italy had done his best to stay strong, and now it was their turn.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t trustworthy enough for you to tell me,” he told Italy while holding his gaze.

“No, Prussia, you’ve probably been helping me the most! Today and yesterday you were the only one who could help me calm down.”

“As I’ve said before,” Japan said next, “I will protect you should the time ever come where it’s necessary, but I’d also like to add that I won’t allow you to endure suffering in silence from here on out.”

“And just like this morning,” Canada said, “this changes nothing about how we think of you. What matters is that we can help you better now.” 

At that, a sound of hesitation and doubt came from Prussia. “Can we?” 

“What the fuck, Prussia?” The look in Romano’s eye could kill, and although a part of him was chastising at having cursed in front of the ever-so-proper Japan, he saw an equal amount of fury in Japan’s eyes and decided that losing his composure just this once would be fine.

“Well, I’m just saying that we know exactly nothing concrete about nations! We don’t know how to deal with this. I’m not exactly thrilled to say it, but I’d rather say the unawsome truth than pretend that we know things we don’t.”

Before Romano had a chance to yell a retort, Italy said simply, “Prussia’s right.”

Romano’s anger died immediately after hearing the dejection in his brother’s voice. “Veneziano?”

“No one knows anything. I’ve thought about this enough, and there’s no, veh, explanation for anything. All things considered, I should be fine, but for some reason I’m just not. I guess, it’s okay if that’s how things have to be, too. I only wanted you all to know because you don’t deserve to be lied to.”

“Don’t think like that, Ita-chan. That isn’t what I meant.”

“Please don’t accept such a situation so readily,” Japan added. “It’s true that the Ancients were never able to learn much about nations, but with some time, certainly we’ll find the best way to move forward.”

Italy smiled at Prussia. “It’s okay, Prussia. What you said was kind, too, Japan. But accepting how everything is now is easier than wasting hope.”

“It’s not wasting hope,” Canada told him assuredly. The words almost felt comforting thanks to his soft voice. The pity smile that Canada got in response, however, told him that Italy needed more convincing. “We don’t know anything about nations, but we all know about humans. They know how to deal with trauma responses better than we do.”

“For humans,” Romano reiterated.

“Well, Italy’s response to this is quite human, isn’t it,” he exclaimed with a bite to his words. He turned to Italy, unwilling to hear more from Romano when his opinion wasn’t the one which mattered for the moment. “Do you agree with that?”

Though reluctant to admit it, Italy nodded with a hum. 

“Maybe it would be a good idea to try visiting a therapist to at least see if it helps. If not, you could stop whenever. No harm could come of trying it, I don’t think.”

“I was attacked by a human; _I_ am not human.” Italy said in a tone that showed he was explaining the obvious, then with more confidence than he actually had, he said, “Nations have lived for centuries without such help from them, and I know I’ll figure it out. We always do.”

“You shouldn’t have to is the point, Ita.”

“That just isn’t something I want to go through, okay?”

Canada was the one to cut off Prussia, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just keep it in the back of your mind, okay?”

“Veh, thanks, Canada.”

Japan was the next to speak up, “Is there anything we can do to support you now?”

Shaking his head, Italy told them, “Just keep being my friends. Don’t act like anything has changed, and let me work through it. Okay? Prussia said I was doing better before this trip, so I must be doing something right.”

As his brother’s words came to an end with a shrug, Romano restrained a scoff and added, “Yeah, that’s not allowed. Make sure he eats at each meal and keep him from over-exercising. My dumb little brother hasn’t been able to keep food down, yet he’s been trying to exercise twice a day apparently.” 

“Fratello!”

“You’ll listen to me about this, Veneziano. Your body might not show it because you’re a nation, but if you keep doing that, your body will destroy itself from the inside out.”

Italy huffed where he sat like a child, but after he let out a muffled, “Fine.”

“Romano’s right,” Canada agreed. “That’s an unlivable routine for anyone.” 

Japan added his own words of agreement, and Prussia told Romano, “For the past couple of weeks, West and I have thought that both of us should start giving clearance for training. I’ll talk to him. And Ita-chan, if you ever want or need to sit out of training for a day, tell me and we can chill inside.”

Biting the inside of his lip, Italy cursed his life. Being babied like this was humiliating. This meeting was called just to get everyone off of his back, and now he was barely able to walk around on his own. Being the childish friend of the group was one thing, but these precautions went far past that. He had been handling himself fine up to this point.

The voice to break through his frustrated musings was Japan’s. “I’d like your word that you’ll come to one of the four of us should you ever want someone to hear you out.”

“You have my word,” Italy said halfheartedly.

After a moment of quiet arrived once again, Romano cleared his throat. “Is there anything else you wanted to say, Veneziano?”

He shook his head wordlessly.

To Italy, the moment of silence felt heavy, but to the rest of the room, the conversation had just reached its natural, albeit slightly awkward end. 

Calling Italy’s attention, Canada said, “If we’re done, we should go down to dinner. Right, Italy? If we go now, we should be able to get the next fresh batch of food.”

The group began breaking from their circle, and they made their way to the dining area. Although Italy felt that he would rather be sleeping, he followed his friends and ate what was expected of him before making his way back to his room. 

The room’s darkness and compactness felt nice for some reason. He had a moment to himself where nothing was expected of him. The only people who could get in were those with their keycard, so he was safe.

He laid on his bed allowing his brain to think about nothing until Romano let himself in about an hour later. Navigating his way to the bed in the darkness, he asked in a whisper if the other was awake.

“Yeah.”

“Can’t sleep?”

“I’m just talking to Nonno a bit.”

“Okay. I won’t interrupt, then. I only wanted to let you know that I’ll be staying in the room to the left tonight.”

“Good night, Romano.”

“Good night.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're getting another chapter in the next hour. Just wait a bit!


	9. A Moment Within the Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, ends the oh-so-troublesome Lodge Trip arc. You will be missed.  
> \---  
> I had a fuck ton of trouble posting this chapter, and I'm unwilling to proofread again. I'm just gonna hope everything saved when the page reloaded. If you find any errors, just leave a comment and I'll deal with it tomorrow because I'm about to murder ao3.

As everyone was attempting to pass time until their scheduled hike, groups broke off one by one. While Canada and his brothers were talking in the hallway, America and Canada tossing a squishy toy back and forth, Italy had convinced Germany and Prussia to go on a walk with him outside. When Romano was invited, he swore something about the cold and said he’d be waiting for the trip to end in his room. He’d come too late to have a spot reserved for their hike anyway. 

Japan, China, and Russia were content talking over a puzzle. Not to mention that Russia knew better than to spend time in the cold if it wasn’t necessary. He expected the group outside to return in less than ten minutes.

“Hey, Canadude, what happened with you yesterday? You just about bolted after getting that text from Romano and stayed tight-lipped since.”

Throwing the ball back, Canada told them, “It wasn’t all that important. I was more shocked that Romano was here than anything else.”

“But Romano wouldn’t willingly come within ten feet of any of us if he could help it. Then, when you dragged him down to dinner, he was super subdued. Like, scarily tame. What was that about?”

“Italy was too,” England added. “Once I finally got the chance to apologize properly, the words appeared to phase through him.”

Canada tossed the ball to France who had his hands out to join. “Firstly, you know being in the same room as Japan freaks him out. Personally, I find it fun watching him try to hold his tongue. Other than that, he came to check on Italy because Prussia prank called him and scared him half to death, apparently.”

“And about Italy?” France asked.

“You might have to ask him yourself. As far as I know, he’s as well as can be. Hey! Poor throw, America!” He threw the ball back with similarly poor skill and power. 

Although he had considered explaining what happened the morning prior with Italy, the consideration was really only to keep Italy from facing potential danger on his own. Now that those who Italy trusted most closely knew exactly what was happening, perhaps holding to his promise and staying quiet for the time being was a sound decision.

Plus “as well as can be” was about as close to the truth as one could get.

France spoke and made a toss toward England who reluctantly joined at the invite. “Japan spoke with me yesterday, and he said he had suspicions about Italy being attacked.”

“I suppose that is significantly better than our theory of him fading,” England added.

“And I believe Canada told us yesterday that he knew we were mistaken, did you not?” 

“Take my word for it.”

America glanced at his watch after passing his catch. “This isn’t vacation talk guys. I just wanted to check that the little guy was okay. Talking about my friends dying or hurt isn’t vacation talk, and I wanna pass the last day of this trip not wasting it on worry. Let’s make it like yesterday.”

“You brought this up, you bloody idiot.”

“Just as a quick check to see if everyone’s doing okay now!”

While America wanted the day to chill out like yesterday, Canada was content not having a repeat of it. Perhaps they would make it through the day without another life altering event taking place. Luckily, his brothers were decently able to keep away from the drama up to this point, and Canada was happy to keep it that way for as long as Italy wanted. 

America’s near irritating hyperempathy and England having the emotional processing of a brick only made the thought of telling them less appealing. 

Canada told his brothers as he stood up, “I’m going to the main entrance to meet Prussia, Germany, and Italy. I’m sure they’ll abandon their walk soon if they haven’t already. If you want to join us later, I’ll probably start another puzzle with them.”

When Canada descended the stairs, he noticed that somehow Italy and his group had yet to return, so rather than stand awkwardly by the door or fireplace, he joined Japan’s group in finishing the puzzle that lay in front of them. As he took a seat at the unoccupied side of the table, he commented, “That’s impressive progress for it not being past noon yet. Can I help?”

China perked up, and with a smile he said, “Ah, Canada’s here. Sure, see if you can get the sky in that corner.” 

He took a glance and started rearranging pieces as he listened to Russia and Japan’s conversation. However, he was interested to learn that he’d walked into a conversation that he was more than happy to listen in on.

“If that’s true, then there’s some arbitrary list of interactions that are inherently tied to nationhood. That means any, well, non-standard circumstance that a nation finds themself a part of makes their brain liable to a human-like reaction, yes?” 

Listening to Russia’s musings, Canada cursed his luck, wishing that he’d come earlier to catch what he’d missed.

“But how detailed are these standards?” China prompted. “And at what point does it really make a difference? Consider being berated in a market by an unstable patron, under what category does that fall, and how do we react? Even if that doesn’t meet the expectations of a nation, is there any real difference? Our brains function differently, but we still have emotions. That means no matter which category the situation falls under, the reaction wouldn’t change.”

“Let us up the ante, so to speak,” Japan said. “A physical fight takes place. In the first scenario, this fight is between two humans, and you decide to intervene, confident that your victory is guaranteed as a nation. By some incident, you lose your footing and lose the match. In the second scenario, the fight takes place initially between you and a human. The same mistake takes place and you lose your footing, the match being lost consequently. Does the reaction to the loss change depending on whether you find yourself in the fight or stepped in of your own accord?”

“Although there isn’t proof,” China said, "I think they should fall under different categories. I wouldn’t consider physical altercations with humans as a task expected of a nation, but either way, I don’t think the reaction would change.”

Jumping off of China’s point, Russia said, “Would it not be true to say that many mundane things fall outside of this standard without impacting the nation? Anything of enough importance would probably fall under the category of war. That makes this a moot talking point.”

“Let’s say the first part of your statement is correct, Russia,” Japan agreed. “What happens if we suggest a situation with even higher stakes? Say a nation were to, outside of wartime and in self-defense, kill a human on accident. How would the brain process it? It’s nothing any of us has been through, but I’d like your opinions.”

“I doubt the Ancients ever thought of their research as a way to classify tragic incidents,” China murmured.

Russia thought diligently on his response before speaking next, and with a tinge of uncertainty to his words, he considered aloud. “If we use China’s logic, this would be outside of the so-called standards. Every nation has killed before, but not in a situation where it isn’t expected of them. That means while we’ve processed killing under the influence of a nation’s mindset, it’s never been done otherwise. That nation would be under the influence of human thought patterns. That would be so, right, Japan?”

A nod accompanied his words, “Agreed. That is also a point at which it makes a difference, correct?”

Another round of mumbled agreements passed around the table. 

Canada then joined the conversation, interested to learn more about what the older nations knew — about things he’d never had to learn being so young. “How long do you think it would take for that experience to no longer affect them?”

“Humans sometimes deal with the aftermath all their life,” China told him. “I’m sure you know that, but it would be different for a nation, right? That just wouldn’t make sense.”

“Why not?” came Japan’s voice suddenly. The question almost had Canada sending him a glare, but he knew better than to dare suggest the underlying reason for this discussion any more than was already being done.

As quick as China tried to give a word in protest, his sentence trailed off.

“Under this logic, there is no reason,” Russia said eventually. “It may pass in a nation’s lifetime due to theirs being longer than that of a human’s, but there’s no other reason, yeah?”

If nothing else, this was an interesting point of discussion, and although none of the nations at the table were too keen on contemplating such morbid possibilities, China and Russia’s interest in the long forgotten topic was sparked once again. Hopefully, new revelations could be made by adding them into more hypothetical discussion.

“This is all only speculation,” China started, “but if that's the case, would human remedies be effective then?” 

As Russia spoke next, a cold breeze slipped past the main door, and the voices of the returning three accompanied it. “Can that be answered without experimenting really?”

When Canada saw Italy come inside, he did his best to steer the topic of conversation. Certainly, Italy wouldn’t be too overjoyed to hear his situation being vaguely referenced as a hypothetical in this manner. “I’m going to greet everyone who just got back,” he said after clicking in his last puzzle piece. “The hiking reservations are set for about an hour from now, so make sure you’re ready to leave because we’ll be returning late, okay?”

Walking up to the three who were stripping their wet, outermost layer, Canada said in tease, “You three are fools for going outside before the hike.”

“It was worth it to see the pretty snow crystals,” Italy told him. He draped the coat over his shaking arm.

“While it was pleasant,” Germany admitted, “Canada was almost certainly right. I, for one, haven’t traveled the mountains in decades.”

A nod came before Canada’s words. “It would do you well to change clothes instead of standing here. Your other layers are probably damp without you noticing, and being inside won’t help you warm up if they stay on your body.”

Leading the others back up the stairs in conversation, the four walked past Canada’s brothers who were still occupying the hall with aimless chatter. After sending a holler about getting ready for the hike, Canada and Italy split from the rest of the group. 

“Once you get changed, take a blanket with you downstairs and we’ll get you and the others a snack and tea. I had Japan teach me how to make tea when he came to visit America once, so I’m sure you’ll like it.”

As Italy gathered a new outfit from his suitcase, including another handmade sweater, he said cheerfully, “I should ask Japan to teach me, too. His tea is always perfect. I can’t wait to try yours.” Then, before Canada had a chance to say something more, Italy moved into the room’s small bathroom.

He still hadn’t gotten used to a reserved Italy, but not once had Italy changed where he was standing just as would have a couple months ago. This was merely another change to which he’d have to grow accustomed, exactly as Japan, Prussia, and Germany seemed to have. If such a small change was enough to help Italy feel comfortable, however, there was no reason to comment on it.

When they reconvened with the other two, the next hour passed peacefully with a tea in hand and snacking on energy bars. As Italy saved half of his bar for on the trail, he eagerly drank his tea while engaging in discussion. 

With how draining the evening before was for Italy, he was more than glad to have woken up well-rested that morning. Thankfully, he wasn’t being overly pestered and mother-henned. The only thing he’d really noticed was the increased number of glances that he received during meals, but that was more annoying than problematic.

The last of the group finished getting prepared for the hike, and once everyone was ready, the guide who would be leading them opened the door, daring them to brave the cold once more.

Their short vacation was coming to an end soon after this activity, and even as the cold pierced Italy’s lungs with each breath, he was determined that today would be the one to pass without some jarring incident.

Fortunately for him, it did.

* * *

On the road home from Canada’s place the following morning, Italy and Romano were enjoying the no-longer-freezing temperatures. Even so early in the day, it was warmer in their hometown than it had gotten in the cabin they’d stayed in during high noon.

Italy, who Canada was unable to wake for an early breakfast, pulled out a small baggy from a side pocket in his bag, and when Romano noticed that he was reaching for food he said casually, “Where did you get that from? You didn’t have a chance to get it before we left, did you?”

“Oh, Canada gave this to me yesterday to eat for our hike. It was too much for me to finish, though, so I saved half for later.”

“You dummy. If Canada gave you what looks to be an energy bar to keep your energy up for that hike, you should have listened to him and ate it. The guy’s quiet, but he’ll save everyone from getting their asses served sashimi style in that frozen wasteland.” Offering his brother a water bottle he went on to say, “You’ll have something more you eat when we get back. I’ll make pasta even.”

“Can I try making one of Japan’s dishes? It might not taste really good, but I think it’ll be easier to eat. I want to make it for Japan one day, too, so I need the practice making it.”

“What do you mean when you say that food is too hard to eat? You keep saying it, but if you can’t eat, that’s a big problem. That’s a major fucking problem, Veneziano.”

“It just makes me feel nauseous sometimes, Fratello. I can still eat. Sometimes I just need to wait a little or it makes me feel sick,” Italy explained with somewhat of a pout. Romano was worrying needlessly, and this wasn’t that serious. It was merely something he had to adjust to, and it was as simple as listening to his body to know when he was allowed to eat.

“How long do you usually have to wait for it to pass?”

“It’s not something I think about. Maybe a few hours. I might just wait until the next meal and make it up then if it gets too close to lunch or dinner.”

A huff escaped Romano at the casual manner that Veneziano spoke about the topic, but as he watched his brother pocket the now empty, crumb-filled bag, he did his best to limit his concern. To ease himself even more, he found relief in their reopened mental link which Veneziano had unblocked the night before. His brother was genuinely convinced that there was no issue, and until further notice, he decided to do the same.

“How does your stomach feel after eating the energy bar?” Romano asked.

“Perfectly fine,” he grinned.

Romano returned the gesture, in a rare act of public affection, “I’m glad. Don’t mess up lunch later. If I have to eat strange Asian food, I expect the culinary craftsmanship of a proper Italian chef to make it edible, okay?”

“Leave it to me!”

After the two returned home and Italy took the time to unpack, he set to work in the kitchen, content in taking his time. Romano, not having much work to complete for tomorrow, took a seat in one of the bar chairs and watched as his brother checked the recipe every few minutes while juggling the chaos on the stove.

Without prompting, Italy asked, “Do you think Japan or China would teach me to make tea if I asked?”

“Probably. Ask Japan, though. He’s a more bearable person to be around than China.”

A half hour later, two soup dishes were placed at the dining table. “I think it turned out good. Tell me what you think, Fratello,” Italy said as he took a seat.

Romano took a bite, and although it was by no means his preferred type of dish, he had to admit, “It tastes really good.”

Through lunch, he let Italy ramble about the things he wanted to change in his next attempt and there was even mention of replicating the dish for Japan as part of a birthday present in the upcoming year. That was still a ways off, however, giving him enough time to practice.

The day passed about as normally as could be expected. It was so extraordinarily commonplace. Odd enough, the predictability of it all was a decent change from hecticness that had shown up far too frequently for anyone’s liking as of late. 

That evening, as Romano was texting Spain, he had a tv program playing background noise while his brother’s head rested against his leg. Glancing over, he took note of the open book leaning against Veneziano’s propped knees. For a couple hours, they’d stayed like that: passing the day before tomorrow’s workload came to rob them of free time.

At some point, Italy marked his place in the book before him and stood. 

Romano didn’t have anything to say until he saw the other slipping his shoes on. “Where are you going?” He called.

“On a walk,” Italy replied without noticing the uncertainty in Romano’s tone.

“You’ve barely had one meal today. We’ll have dinner later, but you haven’t eaten enough to go running today, Veneziano.”

“Oh,” Italy murmured dumbly. That somehow slipped his mind. Romano keeping a new watchful eye over him was something else that he’d forgotten. This was just part of the routine he’d learned and come to associate with being home. “If I just take a walk, is that okay?” He asked.

“If you go out tonight, then you’ll lose clearance for training at the Potato Bastard’s place tomorrow.”

“What…?” came Italy’s exasperated and disheartened reply. The dread which showed in his eyes only emphasized his shock. “What do you mean? Only, veh, Germany and Prussia are the ones to give me clearance. And just a walk should be fine.”

Dismissing the words, Romano explained, “That still doesn’t change the fact that you haven’t eaten enough. You’ve got to get used to eating enough at every meal again before considering walks, and Prussia came to me yesterday saying that he authorizes me as someone who can determine your clearance until further notice.”

Although subconsciously, frustration nudged the back of Italy’s mind. He told Romano with a glare, “That’s not fair. Japan shouldn’t only need Germany’s clearance while I need it from three people.”

“He’d get it from all three of us each day. It wouldn’t be necessary. Your circumstances are different. We each interact with you differently, and by getting clearance from everyone, your safety is less at risk.”

“My safety _isn’t_ at risk. I can manage myself, and this is an overreaction.”

“We’re just checking behind you.”

Gradually, he was losing control of his anger. “Veh, I never asked for you to!”

“I’d rather you be mad at me now than listen to Nonno lecture me tirelessly in the afterlife for waiting longer to step in.”

Italy’s next words came in a deathly tone. “What you and Nonno have to say about this doesn’t matter. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m going for a walk now.”

“That’s fine, just know I’m texting Prussia after you leave.”

For a moment, Italy stood with his hand on the doorknob. He’d deal with Prussia later, but he feared that if he stayed in the room with Romano for much longer, he’d say something that he would regret. Without a word, he made his way outside.

In his mind, he could practically see Romano with his phone in hand already texting Prussia. The thought had him trudging bitterly through the uncut grass. “He had no right,” he spit under his breath. 

Italy walked along the empty path with only upsetting thoughts to comfort him. It felt like he’d lost more of his autonomy in a day than he’d earned in centuries. Eventually, as he moved further from the house, his clenched fists which were shoved deep into his pockets started to lose their tension.

It was only while he was debating with himself that he decided perhaps he and Romano shared equal blame for the fallout. Romano for deciding on the change without consulting him, Italy for becoming quick to anger without considering that Romano and Prussia did indeed believe their decisions were made out of caution and were sound.

Coming to this realization, however, didn’t relieve the stress Italy felt at this new change to his schedule. For nearly two months now, he’d gotten so used to training with Germany and Japan then following that up with an evening run and light muscle training. Even with that, the difference in his strength was near impossible to feel. 

If his conditioning was regulated so strictly, he’d never become stronger, and while those around him _thought_ this was the most beneficial thing, obviously it was continuing his pursuit to become strong enough to protect himself. Where the misunderstanding stemmed from didn’t make sense in Italy’s mind.

Over the past couple of months, he’d come to understand how his day-to-day needed to be, and having it all upended forced him to suppress swears of frustration. 

In acknowledging his helplessness under the watch of all his friends, his brain halted in realization. He seriously wasn’t allowed permission for tomorrow’s training, and at least one session would be cut each day as far into the future as he could see.

Even after only a few days’ vacation and unconventional exercise, Italy felt the frailty of his body. He needed to train. He still wasn’t fit or strong enough to be a nation, and by missing even one day, he was becoming weaker and weaker and it wouldn’t stop until he became as defenseless as he was before his resolve to change.

Just thinking about his body decaying back to nothingness made his skin crawl with anxiety.

If he’d already sacrificed tomorrow morning’s training, he needed to take advantage of his outing now.

Although pushing his muscles and endurance was the last thing he wanted to do after the emotional altercation with Romano, he blinked away any hint of tears, and he sped into a jog. With each step, he picked up speed, and soon it became easy. Anxiety, powerlessness, and a twisted sense of determination fueled his strides.

No matter how much others wanted to regulate him and his life, he wouldn’t give up. He had control of his life, and he would do everything in his power to protect himself. Then maybe, by some stroke of luck and if he showed enough progress, he would one day convince his friends to see the situation the same way as him. 

When he was strong, they’d understand that he had known what he was doing all along.

After finding a relatively smooth patch of land, Italy moved to the ground. Body weight sets were next. It was almost hard to believe that he’d jogged for as long as he had. Emotions truly were the most effective motivation. 

Once he finished with this, he’d go home. There was even the chance that Romano would be asleep by that time if the deep pink color in the sky was an accurate indication of the time.

Even as his throat grew increasingly parched, he pushed through the last few parts of his routine. The best thing was that the closer he came to the end, the more euphoric he felt and the more the crawling feeling in his skin faded. Along with it, the anxiety in his chest left, gracing him with a moment of peace.

When he finished, he continued to sit on the ground for a few minutes after. He kept his legs close to him despite his better judgement, and although it obstructed his breaths somewhat, the warmth of his own body was comforting. It felt nice for his head to finally be clear of pestersome thoughts.

At some point, Italy took note of the darkness around him, and he decided it was time to head back. This was far too late for even him to stay out, and maybe he should be nervous, but not once in the past five years had he seen another person even come even close to the trail he frequented.

By the time he reached the front door after a leisurely walk back, it was undoubtedly night. The outdoor light had been left on for him, and as he walked inside, he saw Romano in almost the same place as when he’d left.

Romano stopped bouncing his leg immediately, and he sprang from his spot on the couch. “You’ve been gone for hours, and you left your phone here,” he said in a haste. “I was almost convinced that I pissed you off enough to not come back tonight. Feel better now?”

With an amicable nod, Italy told him, “Enough.” It wouldn’t reflect well on him to rush for water now. “I didn’t mean to worry you, Fratello. I’m sorry I got mad earlier. You didn’t think it was important to talk with me when deciding something about my life, and learning about the change like that made me mad.”

“You were busy when I was told about it, but that’s not an excuse. I accept the blame. You understand why this has to happen though, right?”

“You’re just trying to do what you think is best.”

“Exactly.”

Though each person had unresolved thoughts to settle within the comfort of their own minds, the animosity amongst them had fallen away completely.

Speaking up once more, Romano said, “You look tired.” He placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder, and with a mix of warning and concern, he went on to say, “Clean up and get some sleep. Also, I swear, Veneziano, if you feel angered at me like that ever again, don’t give me another heart attack by wandering the woods at midnight. Just punch me or something next time.”

Dropping his hand, Romano turned to let them both further inside. “Good night, Fratello.”

* * *

“Feel free to visit them, but don’t give yourself false hope, okay? Prussia and the Potato Bastard won’t give clearance without my okay.” Those were the words Romano told him in farewell that morning, but even with the warning not to get his hopes up, he held onto the possibility of joining Japan in morning lineup without resistance. 

His limbs still held subtle signs of his overexertion from the night before. It hadn’t even been twelve hours since then, but Italy still felt dissatisfaction at his body’s natural healing. There was something almost impressive, though, about having pushed himself far enough that the healing ability of a nation was struggling to keep up. It was certain proof of progress.

He knocked on the front door, and he heard Germany’s voice from inside telling him to enter.

“How are you feeling today, Italy?” Germany asked.

“I’m a bit tired from going to bed late, but I feel great,” Italy said while judging the other’s expression. It was a bit difficult to decipher, but years of friendship told him that the slight raise of Germany’s chin was an expression of satisfaction.

“That’s good.”

From another room, Prussia peaked his head out of the doorway, and Gilbird was flying pleasantly around him. When he saw Italy, he shut the door behind him and joined them in the living room. “Good morning, Ita-chan,” he said while taking a seat on a nearby armrest. “You came to spend a day with the awesome me, I see.”

“Veh? Oh, of course. I’m just so used to coming here. It’ll be fun.” He accepted Prussia’s subtle reiteration of what he’d known to be true since before leaving his own home. It was a noninvasive reminder that a decision had been made for him. 

A few minutes later, Japan arrived, and Italy received a short greeting before he and Germany were out the door once more. “Perhaps we’ll have more time for conversation when Germany and I return,” Japan had explained. “Until then, please take care, and enjoy your time with Prussia.”

Then, when Prussia and Italy were left alone, Prussia said, “I heard about the disagreement with your brother. Did you work it out?”

“Mostly, but it wasn’t right of you and him to decide things about my life behind my back or without even telling me.”

After giving an apology and explanation for not consulting him, Prussia asked, “Do you regret us knowing?”

“Not really. I was about to lose my mind with all the deception, but I’d like to do things without someone watching over my shoulder. If everyone could just take a step back, I’d feel a lot better.”

“Japan and I will tell Romano to stop being so overprotective, but I’m keeping the new clearance requirements in place. West will take my side. He doesn’t know the whole story, but he’s not so dense as to overlook that he’s being left out of something major. Believe it or not, he takes my word as his brother when it’s necessary.

“I’ve seen you struggle to finish meals lately, but nobody knew that you had separate exercise plans each day. Like Canada said, that’s unlivable even for us. This is just until you’re back at one hundred percent, okay?”

Taking in Italy’s disheartened pout, he told the other to hold his hand out. “Gilbird,” he called. Gilbird came to rest on the back of Prussia's hand with ruffling feathers, and as the hand he stood on tilted gently, he fell into Italy’s cupped ones with a chirp.

“If you use your middle finger, he’ll probably let you pet his head,” Prussia said. When Gilbird leaned into Italy’s finger, a chuckle escaped them both. “It’s been a while since you last got to hold him, hasn’t it, Ita-chan?”

Although Italy felt antsy not being able to join Germany and Japan outside, there were worse ways to be spending his time. He felt the pressure in his palms lift a few minutes later as Gilbird moved to fly between him and Prussia. He had never been able to stay in one place for very long.

Once Gilbird felt it was time to rest his wings again, Prussia and Italy took turns offering things to do. Everything that was mentioned just didn’t seem to interest them, though. While the fingers on Italy’s left hand fiddled with each other subconsciously, he mentioned to Prussia, “Let’s take a walk to the park. It’s a pretty day, and we could come back when it’s lunch time.”

“Now, that sounds like an awesome idea,” Prussia said with a hum. “It’s too good a day to be staying inside. Let me get into different clothes, and then we can go. Do you want to borrow a shirt with thicker fabric? It’s a bit chilly out for just that T-shirt.”

“Just a jacket please.”

In only a few minutes, Prussia was back, and he passed a windbreaker to Italy. As they were getting ready to leave, however, Prussia’s brow rose, a look of uncertainty flashing in his eyes. “You sure you want to go out? There’s still dark circles under your eyes from not getting enough sleep last night.”

Italy nodded, “I know my limits.” He tugged one of Prussia’s arms as he walked backward, and then they were out the door. Japan and Germany were nowhere to be seen.

“I’m not too sure you do.” Rather than ruin Italy’s improving mood, however, he walked at Italy’s side and continued with, “but I’ll take your word for it.”

Put simply, Prussia still felt out of place after what had occurred at the cabin. Ever since that night when Italy looked at him with unrecognizing, terror-filled eyes, he thought that knowing the cause behind his friend’s sudden change would make helping him easier. Even as months passed and he’d grown more accustomed to the new, unspoken rules which kept Italy’s anxiety at bay, he never let go of that belief.

Now, he knew exactly what had been troubling Italy, and it felt as if there was nothing he could do. Being with Italy now felt like watching a scene unfold from behind bars. 

To those around him, and perhaps even to himself, Italy was treating the assault and his reaction to it facetiously, as if it were no more significant than tripping over a pebble in the road. Perhaps with enough smiles and laughs, it could become a thing of the past. More startling than anything, though, was that Italy saw the task of restabilizing his life without assistance as something expected of him.

Through that desperately self-convincing act, Prussia was able to see that what happened was immensely important. Every time Italy was caught off guard was more than example enough.

Being told to let Italy figure out the adjustment period by himself felt condemning. For whom, Prussia wasn’t sure yet, but a one-on-one conversation to clear up what was expected of both of them was what he wanted most at the moment. Hell, as far as he knew, nobody even knew Italy’s true thoughts on the matter. Everything he had been told by Italy and Romano was about as base level as one could get.

And he hadn’t realized that until he had already left the room where they’d been told the truth. Until it was too late to turn back and ask more.

When he looked at Italy contentedly chatting away with a bounce to his step, he realized he didn’t have the heart to even suggest such a conversation now. For how much time Italy spent in tears and anxiety attacks over the past week, what right did Prussia have to push him into another tense situation that only served to quell his own uncertainties?

For a day, he could suck it up and let Italy think his world was perfectly unbothered. Besides, it wasn’t as if he could do nothing. He just couldn’t do anything significant. Not without pushing Italy away.

“Tell me more about it!” Prussia said encouragingly, though he barely registered the conversation.

Certainly, he couldn’t be the only one in this dilemma.

And due to no coincidence, Japan shared the sentiment. 

While taking a water break before shifting gears, Japan lowered his bottle and asked Germany simply, “Do you know the reason for Italy’s absence in training today?”

“It was at my brother’s request,” Germany explained. “Admittedly, I don’t know much about recent events with Italy, but turning a blind eye would be the only way to overlook the difference in him at this point.”

Japan responded with a reserved nod which revealed nothing new.

“I see that he trusts you and Prussia with information about whatever is happening more than he does me, and it’s my place to accept Prussia’s judgement since he’s more informed. However,” his gaze shifted down as he switched focus slightly, “I have to wonder if I haven’t earned his trust since I tend to be cold to him and have trouble understanding the way he thinks.”

“I’m sure you’ve earned his trust,” Japan said without hesitation. “Truthfully, Italy has been less than inclined to let Prussia and myself know anything, as well. I’d say it’s likely that we’ve come to learn what we have solely due to being a witness at the wrong time once too many.”

“Thanks for that, Japan. It doesn’t erase the fact that he hasn’t been able to consult me as a friend, but I appreciate your words. In truth, this is a rightfully earned punishment. I first noticed something wrong only after Prussia explicitly telling me to look at the facts.”

For a moment, Japan sorted his thoughts before saying, “You’re talented at reading the battlefield, but navigating social cues is rarely your forte. I’m certain Italy would never hold it against you that you missed his subtle initial changes. Moreover, though he has yet to specifically come to you, the changes you’ve made in your interactions with him are unmissable. You have earned his trust by proving that you don’t need him to disclose information in order for you to keep his best interest in mind.”

As Germany took in Japan’s confidence, the crease in his brow lessened. “Thank you, Japan… Is there truly no information you can tell me?”

“The situation is quite delicate.”

“Then I’ll respect your word about this as someone more knowledgeable than myself.”

With the close of their conversation, came the end of the rest period. Both men moved side-by-side as they took the first leg of their cardio training in stride. The long run was perfect for engaging their internal dialogues.

Japan, who’d quickly fallen into a rhythmic step and breathing pattern, certainly had thoughts which needed to be properly addressed after the past couple days of slighting them. After learning more about the nature of Italy’s situation, he had a number of further conversations with China, Russia, and even Canada. There was so much to learn about human-nation interactions and the resulting responses.

China and Russia frequented more antiquated responses, often more focused on understanding how nation brains processed and overcame these altercations out of necessity and through the passage of time. Alternatively, Canada insisted on offering a more modern view. One that suggested the how of the matter was already known and documented in human research. He believed their focus should be on remedies, and the answers to this also had the potential to lay in human research.

However, Japan had no option but to wonder if each person’s view was impacted by what they did or didn’t know. If Canada knew as much as Russia and China, would he agree that human-like responses and human responses were not identical? His faith could be misplaced in hopes of using information that he already knew — rather than frugal guesswork — to help his friend. Along the same pattern of thought, would Russia or China agree with Canada that the two were inherently the same if they knew the extent of Italy’s behavior? 

As for what he personally thought, he wasn’t too sure. For as long as he’d been alive, he thought he knew everything he’d ever need to know about nations, but now that his certainty was fractured. A large part of him understood the way Russia and China felt. Nations were not the same as humans, and as such, this was uncharted territory that would merely be mapped with time in the same way that every other strange occurrence in nationhood had been by the Ancients.

On the other hand, being a spectator to his friend’s struggle made such impassivity seem cruel. If Canada’s suggestion seemed to hold any logic, which it did, it made sense that harmless experimentation with human solutions would be nothing but a step in the right direction. The problem which came after that, however, was Italy’s reluctance to go about it. 

This was Italy’s life in question, though that was only known to Canada and Japan. Despite Italy’s life experiences, however, he seemed to feel similarly to the old crowd. 

Maybe it would be a sound idea to ask Canada to broach the idea with Italy once again after a few days had passed. Japan most definitely couldn’t do it himself because any suggestion of his own doubt would drastically drop the odds of Italy considering the option seriously. 

Still, there had to be something that Japan could do, something outside of offering a word of support. Pushing for certain conversations and solutions seemed like it would encourage more conflict, but staying quiet and accepting the request to allow Italy’s silent suffering was madness, too. 

All he had to do was decide which was less harmful in the long run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I introduce you to the Transition arc! No, it's not a shift between major arcs. The arc _is titled_ Transition arc. We also have the introduction of my favorite subplot, but I won't get into it right now :3


	10. Arrangements

“Veh! And why not!”

The words came out of Italy’s mouth harsher than he had intended, and the appearance of his tic betrayed him, showing exactly how upset he was. The weeks to come would be torturous and end in disaster if Romano was going to continue with this new superiority complex of his. Being the older sibling did not give Romano the right to control his life.

In a calm tone, Romano explained, “It’s like you were told earlier. It’s not safe for your body to exercise at such close intervals, and to emphasize the point, you aren’t in peak health. Until you readjust to normal portions and a reasonable training intensity, your regimens need to be watched over. Like yesterday, you need to choose between going out tonight or joining morning training tomorrow.”

“If I go tonight and tomorrow, that’s once today and once tomorrow,” Italy argued.

“Those two times aren’t even twelve hours apart, Veneziano. I know how long it takes for your body to heal.”

“I know my body better than you. This was never a problem before.”

“If you wait one night, you can be back on a schedule that you’re used to and that’s livable. Just one night.”

“Just one night, so let me go out.”

Romano’s words were laced with nonunderstanding, and they left his mouth with an unchecked groan of frustration. “Why the hell does this mean so much to you? This is beyond you just trying to get stronger.”

“It’s not! Nothing’s changed. It’s barely been three days since I’ve said anything, but everyone’s treating me like I’m going to die or like I’m helpless. More than they were before. At least, if Prussia and Japan treat me like I’m a different person, they have the decency to try feigning their attitude from before visiting the lodge.”

“Goddammit, Fratello. Do you think I like standing here and fighting with you? You’re looking at me like you want to punch me! Would that help? Because if so, then fucking do it.” His gestures became more wild, but Italy controlled the tension in his body as well as possible. “I’m arguing with you about something as simple as your health, and I have to listen to you beg like a condemned man for the privilege to destroy yourself as if that’s normal. I’d much rather my brother not look at me as an obstacle and, instead, as someone who’s trying to repent for not acting sooner!”

Hearing Romano say that immediately made Italy’s heart drop. Romano really had slipped into that role of his life, and it had been that way for the past couple of months. The icky feeling of casting his brother aside had turned into one he could barely register after so many betrayals, and proof of his own selfishness only drove home Romano’s point.

“And I don’t even know what’s going on really or how to be any kind of useful.”

“Fratello,” Italy called in a subdued voice. “I’m sorry… Veh, I’ve been mean to you, haven’t I?” He couldn’t deny the allegation that he’d seen Romano as a hindrance. “I mean it when I say I just got used to training, so don’t worry. I like knowing that I’m getting stronger and don’t need others to protect me. I just don’t like everyone telling me that I can’t do something I know is okay.”

“But you see that your current life is unlivable, right? Nations aren’t invincible. It won’t show outwardly on your body, but there’s still damage being done.”

“You know that’s not true. We aren’t invincible, but our bodies have always been practically indestructible. The fact that we can be killed and our bodies will revive themselves proves it.”

“So you’re okay with dying, even if that’s just to be revived an hour later?”

“I’m not dying, and I don’t have plans to. Nation bodies are resilient, and I don’t think that training a few minutes extra is any worse than being poked.”

“And if you’re wrong? I’ve known you your whole life, and I can see that what’s been happening, at the very least, isn’t having as neutral of an impact as you like to believe.”

Italy let out a sigh, “Romano, come here, look.” He raised his hand to in front of his chest, backside facing up. As he pushed a nail from his other hand across the skin, he talked Romano through what he was doing so as not to scare him. “Even something small like a scratch heals perfectly fine still. If that isn’t proof enough, I don’t know what is.”

Romano watched as the irritated top layer of his brother’s skin knitted itself together again. “Your body can heal itself, yes, but something’s changed.” He paused. “Maybe it’s not physical.”

A pause passed as Italy tried to quell the unease which flared in his chest. “What are you saying?”

“Maybe Canada’s suggestion had substance to it.”

“I’m  _ not  _ human,” Italy said curtly with undertones of contempt making its way into his words.

“That’s true.” Romano agreed, knowing that he’d get no further in what he wanted to say if he didn’t. “Your mind isn’t built to work like a human’s, but this isn’t normal for a nation either. You’re stubborn and aloof but not blind. If this is something different entirely, humans have the advantage over us in trying to understand that difference.”

While Romano’s words weren’t an exact reflection of his thoughts, the censored version would be able to hold his brother’s attention more effectively. He needed the other to reevaluate his understanding of the situation. If his brother couldn’t even recognize an issue, convincing him to see reason and take precautions would be an impossible task. He needed to be able to admit that his new normal simply wasn’t normal.

What Romano had said gave Italy food for thought, and before he spoke next, he took a moment for himself. Of course, he wasn’t blind. How he was acting and reacting to everything in his life lately was far outside of what a nation would consider normal. It was outside of what he considered normal. However, to insinuate that humans held the answer to normalizing his life once again, to insinuate that he was acting more human than nation was an insult to nations. More specifically, it would strip Italy of his dignity and outcast him. Sure, Prussia lived happily as an exception to nationhood, but that wasn’t a convincing enough point to ease his mind.

When Italy spoke next, he told Romano, “I don’t want to talk about this now, Fratello. Maybe this isn’t how a nation should be acting, but I’m figuring it out. I can handle this as a nation.” He wouldn’t be able to convince Romano to think sensibly tonight, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to waste any energy on it.

After biting at the inside of his lip for a moment, Romano replied with, “Can you try harder at taking care of yourself? Even if your body can take it, you shouldn’t test your luck. Plus, I refuse to do your paperwork.”

He agreed with a nod after a second. “Yeah.”

“... Are you going out now or tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow morning with Germany,” he explained curtly.

Italy started pulling off his shoes, and Romano asked him, “So what are you going to do now?”

Rather than chance any further conversation or argument with Romano, he decided on saying, “I’m going to sleep early, I think. I’m actually really tired.” If his expression and posture reflected how he felt, then he certainly looked the part.

“I’ll call you out for dinner then,” Romano said.

As Italy made his way back to his room, he said his farewell, and the instant he reached his bed, he came to rest on his side with a thump. That was when his eyes unfocused and came to stare numbly at the hand which rested on the sheets in front of his head. He wasn’t exactly tired in the way he told Romano. Fighting his brother, his friends tiptoeing around him, and how unpredictably fast his mood could now change were things he’d become tired of handling. 

If he were being honest, this started long before his confession in the hotel room. Before, Romano’s rebellion to his new habits was quiet, seen in how he’d prepare meals more often and warn Italy not to stay out too late. His friends were the same way, too. The only difference now was how obvious the power dynamic and worry were. His mood was an issue, too. Unpredictable was the only way to describe it.

Frankly, clearing up his friends’ uncertainties should have lowered tensions between everyone, but a plethora of new problems was all he’d found in the few days since. Could things really become worse as more time passed? Someone else could learn the truth, he would become even colder to his friends, his life could become so controlled that he’d be weak again, and each time a new possibility filled his mind, he truly wanted to forget. If he could forget everything from that night, his life would go on as if nothing happened. 

Just like he’d been told by Canada, however, there was no reliable way to erase his memories. The only two ways that existed had no guarantee of working. Magic was finicky, and he’d never convince England to use it on him. Amnesia after death was rare at best, and it was nothing more than a glitch in their brain when a nation’s body was revived.

Both ideas were moot thinking points.

His limbs felt heavy as he forced himself to pull a blanket over his chilled body. It had gotten a lot later than he would have thought as he caught an unintentional glimpse of his clock. Romano would come to get him soon.

A knock came from the door. It couldn’t have been that long since his last accidental glance at the clock, but somehow a half-hour had passed. 

He didn’t feel like he could stomach dinner as Romano called his name. Maybe if he pretended to be in too deep sleep to be awoken, then Romano would leave him be. In his pondering, though, he realized that course of action would get him removed from morning training. He just had to force something to stay in his unsettled stomach. He’d eaten well today, and he was only dinner and breakfast away from earning clearance.

“I’m coming,” Italy called in a voice that he hoped sounded drowsy rather than unfocused.

When he left his room, Romano asked him, “Are you okay? It felt like your side of the link was blocked while you were in there.”

That caught his attention, and the phrase brought him out of his dissociation more than anything else had in the past hour. “Blocked? I didn’t do anything on my side.”

“Really? When your frustration faded, I was glad that I didn’t piss you off too much, but then I realized there was nothing at all to replace the feelings that left. It was like you weren’t there.” Romano caught how Italy balked. “You sure you didn’t block it subconsciously?”

Italy gave a jagged nod, and with dry lips, he said, “Yeah.” His body ran cold. Shock or terror couldn’t begin to describe the wave of emotion that crashed over him. He knew what it felt like to block the link. This wasn’t it.

He cast a backward look at his room. Sure, almost an hour had passed without him noticing and his mind had a hard time thinking of words, much less emotions to go with them, while he– 

Did what? Stared at his hand, perhaps? 

But emotional numbness wasn’t the word he would have used to describe the way he felt. That word was too extreme. Still, if their mental link was open and Romano was in the next room sensing nothing, there couldn’t be a better confirmation that the description fit perfectly.

With stumbling, rushed steps, Italy moved toward the nearest bathroom, and as Romano took in the hasty moments, he trailed behind while calling his brother’s name in alarm. “Veneziano! Veneziano, what’s wrong?”

Italy was on the ground a mere second later, heaving his stomach contents into the toilet before him. At his side, Romano placed a worrisome hand on his brother’s back to rub circles as Nonno had taught them to do when someone was sicking up. The touch was too sudden, though, and Italy knocked it off spastically. Once he realized it was just Romano, he gave a quick and slurred apology. “On my arm,” he suggested instead. 

Romano heard through the distorted speech, and placed his hand on the arm nearest to him. Though rubbing circles on the arm wouldn’t help Italy’s body to relax as if it were done on the back, he hoped that the sensation was associated with calmness.

When both of them were finally able to catch their breath, Romano spoke up. “Do you know what happened?” He wasn’t stupid enough to ask if his brother was okay when the shaking had yet to even leave his body.

Then, without lifting his head from his arm that rested on the toilet bowl, Italy said tirefully, “I need to talk to England and Canada.”

Romano struggled to help him from the ground after finding some strength then led him to bed once again. Dinner could be excused tonight. “You need to drink something,” he said while passing a glass. “Your throat won’t stop burning if you don’t.” After the glass was taken from his hand, Romano waited for his brother’s head to rest against the pillow once again. 

For another few minutes, he stayed at the bedside as Italy’s shaky breaths persisted, and when Romano thought about what might calm him, he slipped into a hushed lullaby that Nonno always sang for them as children. 

Finally, the room started to still, and Romano stayed by his brother’s side until he fell asleep. Then he decided to call Canada on his brother’s behalf. As far as he knew, England knew nothing of what had taken place, and since he hadn’t the slightest idea of why Italy requested to speak with England, it was decided that he’d hold his tongue for the moment. If England did know something, he needed to hear it from Canada before making the situation worse. 

“Something just happened with Veneziano,” he explained dryly, “and he said that he needed to talk with you and England. Do you know why he’s asking for England?”

The vagueness of the word “something” sparked Canada’s nerves. Because Italy was asking for him and England specifically, a number of emotions ran through him before he had the chance to identify them. This had to be about tampering with his memory, and if he wanted to ask England, he was serious.

“Can you tell me what happened first? What do you know?” The true question was ‘How much does Romano know about Italy wanting to erase his memory.’

“He’s unconscious in his room now. We argued earlier, and when he went to his room to calm down, I stopped being able to read our mental link. I asked him why he was blocking it when I called him out for dinner. When I did, his face drained of color like I’d terrified him. Then he ran to the toilet to lose his stomach. When he was able to speak next, he asked for you. I don’t know what I did.”

“What happened with your link? Was he blocking it?”

“Seemed that way, but he denied it.” After a second of gritting his teeth, Romano said, “I believe him because as soon as I asked, I could sense his emotions again, and there was only blind panic and, well, something like terror. I don't know what happened.”

That still didn’t clarify anything for Canada. “Do you have any idea of what may have caused the block if not him.”

“None. Why did he want me to contact you? You must know. Same with England.”

Canada considered what to tell Romano. All he had was speculation, but it was speculation with support. He also didn’t want to repeat his mistake of slighting his intuition or being passive in a situation that required decisive action. His initial silence was part of why things had progressed so much in severity. A month ago, Italy wouldn’t have considered tampering with something as delicate as his memory, and two months ago, he wouldn’t have understood how anyone could think of memory tapering as anything but cruel.

The fact of the matter was that Italy was now liable to attempt wiping his memory, and no one knew yet the extent he’d go to in order to succeed in his goals.

“Can you take new information now without lashing out?” Canada asked into the receiver. Although a disbelieving groan accompanied Romano’s assent, Canada continued with caution. He certainly understood the sentiment of wondering what godforsaken new development could arise so quickly. “I have reason to think Italy might be trying to erase his memory.”

As the other line went silent for a moment, Canada had no idea how Romano had taken the information. He could be dumbfounded with a blank expression, he could be irritated with gritted teeth and a clenched fist by his side at the fact that there was another unknown to the situation, or any other number of less than ideal reactions. 

When Romano worked through whatever emotion had taken hold of him so thoroughly, however, he said simply, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“There’s no way for him to do that, right? England’s magic is as shitty and nonexistent as leprechauns. Is there anything you or I could do to get this stupid idea out of his head?”

“Believe what you want,” Canada said as his brow twitched, “but my brother’s magic is real, and it’s dangerous. Luckily for Italy, although I doubt he’d see it the same way, England would never consider tampering with someone’s memory.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” The rushed apology lacked something in sincerity, but it became easier for Canada to not hold it against him when he went on to say, “This isn’t the time for my snarkiness. Veneziano is what’s important here. Is there anything you could do then to convince him that the idea is stupid?”

Canada moved to his desk to scan through a stack of papers, and the sound of flitting files could be heard in the background as he told Romano, “I wish I could come now. I really wish I could, but I’m still dealing with the results of my procrastination from my days off.” Realising exactly how much he had to do, he guessed with a hum, “Give me, say, two days. Can you have him meet me outside of England’s place? I’ve already tried to convince him that anything which involves messing with memory has more risk than it’s worth. Since this is still on his mind, I think he needs to hear it from England, and as long as he wants it so, I can keep England in the dark.”

“And there’s no other possible way for someone to erase their memory, right?”

“To my knowledge.”

“Good.”

* * *

The following morning, both Romano and Italy slept in late. 

While Italy had been experiencing the full effects of his exhaustion, Romano had spent a number of hours after his phone conference with Canada sorting things in his own head. The thing which weighed heaviest in his mind was the question of how he should interact with his brother. Just as Italy had said, everyone was treating him differently, but how could they not? Not changing anything was the same as saying he condoned these self-destructive habits.

Italy was the first person to wake, so the time that Romano had the night before, Italy had now. 

When his eyes opened slowly, he first noticed sunlight filtering opaquely through the curtains, and as the night before came back to him, he felt thankful for how much more level-headed he was now.

He gave a glance in the direction of his alarm and saw that he’d slept in far past the start of morning training, but that was okay for once. After sicking up so suddenly, he wouldn’t expect clearance. Furthermore, another failed argument with Romano or Prussia was not exactly at the top of his to-do list. A morning of calm after the chaos of the past couple days was something to be appreciated. 

After passing a few more drowsy minutes in bed, he decided to get up and start on breakfast. Romano would have been making more noise if he were awake, but he would likely rouse soon given the time of morning. Plus, Italy was hungry from not having dinner, and if he cooked, then he could choose the dish.

From the moment he started washing his hands, Italy allowed his mind to focus on what took place the evening before. He needed to know if he was earnest in his request to talk with England. In truth, the words had left his mouth on impulse, before he had even thought about what he was asking. 

Canada already said quite clearly that England wouldn’t be inclined to help if playing with memory was the request he had in mind. That meant if Italy had any chance of changing England’s stance, he needed to be absolutely certain and resolute in his decision. More important than that, though, he needed to figure out if he could actually go through with something so permanent. To be honest, thinking about it seriously made his stomach feel unsettled again.

He let out a breath, taking care not to do so over his prep work. 

What would England be able to do? Maybe that one night would feel noticeably missing from his memory. Or maybe he’d have to sacrifice the past two months altogether, and it would feel like a gaping hole in his life. Perhaps it would just be gone, and his life would go on indifferently. He’d never even know that he was missing out on anything. And with how little he knew about magic, hell, there could be hundreds of other possibilities that he just didn’t know about. 

If he was going to ask for help, he needed to preemptively be one hundred percent fine with any of those possibilities. 

So Italy tried to envision and weigh his options. Say he continued as he was now. He’d keep fighting with his brother, he’d be so stressed that Prussia would grow used to talking him out of panic attacks if he hadn’t already, and he’d always have what happened in the back of his mind. Was having flashbacks and anxiety worse than anything that could potentially happen?

Put that against the worst-case scenario: forgetting the past two months but knowing it was gone. He’d constantly want to know what was missing, his friends would probably still act strange around him, and he would stop going to training again. He would be weak, but he wouldn’t be scared. Was the frustration of amnesia comparatively worse than his current life?

And for the longest time, he didn’t know how to answer those questions. Then his brain latched onto one phrase. “Nothing happened.” Up until about a week ago, he’d lived by that phrase, and it worked for him. His life was more predictable and more livable when he lived by it. With England’s help, he could make that phrase true in more than just retrospect.

He thought he was willing to take that risk.

“That smells good– wait, wait! It’s just me!” Though the jump Italy gave was small, Romano had grown used to taking the sign seriously.

With that, the issue was decided for Italy. He didn’t want to be scared of his brother anymore. He was going to follow through with erasing his memory.

* * *

For the first time in three days, Italy was given permission to train with Germany and Japan, and to say that he was excited was an understatement. The relief that filled his eyes when Prussia gave him his last level of clearance was overwhelming, and a lot of anxiety that he didn’t realize he was holding onto fell away. 

“Thank you so much!”

Prussia fell back a step as Italy wrapped him in a hug. The suddenness of it all after how touch-avoidant he had been lately took Prussia by surprise, but once it passed, a smile of relief and content made its way to his face. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Prussia said in return.

When Italy pulled away, Prussia asked him, “Did something happen yesterday? West and I didn’t hear from anyone after you didn’t show.”

“Nothing yesterday,” Italy explained. “We overslept, and it was too late to come when I woke up. I wouldn’t have gotten cleared anyway.”

“No?”

He shook his head, “Yesterday, I just overslept, but the night before a lot happened. Can I tell you about it after training? I… I don’t even think I want advice, but could you listen?” A part of Italy didn’t understand why he was asking. He had been so resolute about leaving his friends out of his issues, but since they were insisting on making themselves a part of his life, maybe taking advantage of the offer was okay. Also, he’d hopefully have nothing to worry about soon. 

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Prussia shrugged at the unexpected question but told Italy confidently, “The awesome me is always here for you to talk to. I’ll be right here when you get back, okay? West is already outside, so go get warmed up.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

He and Prussia waved goodbye as he walked out the door, and once it was shut behind him, he joined Germany who was on the front steps, waiting for Japan to come. When asked about how long it should take for Japan to arrive, Germany told him that Japan was due to arrive any minute. It felt nice to be on schedule again and know that he had an effortless training session set before him. 

“Your birthday is soon,” Italy mentioned offhandedly, “Don’t let me forget, okay?”

“My birthday?” Germany echoed. The mention of his birthday was so random, and aside from that, not once in the past fifty years had Italy forgotten the date. “It’s in another couple of months, yes, but what makes you say that?”

“I just don’t want to forget, and if I do, I promise to make it up to you next year.”

Germany took a close look at Italy. It was still such an outlandish request, but despite the nature of the question, Italy was forward-facing, sitting more relaxed than he had in a week. He seemed not to have a care in the world. “I’m sure you won’t forget,” Germany said. He couldn’t figure out what Italy was trying to say with this conversation. It felt as if he should, though. “We’ve known each other too long to forget, and I have that faith in you.”

Italy turned his head, and their eyes met. “Thank you for that, Germany,” he said. “If I do forget, though, help me remember. Okay?”

The request was no less strange than it had been a moment ago, but it was important to Italy, and that was enough for Germany. Just as Japan had told him, Germany was trusted as someone who didn’t need the whole situation. “If you forget, I promise to help you remember.”

Since the majority of Italy’s life recently had been filled with things he’d rather not talk about, he let Germany carry the conversation until Japan showed. They hadn’t had much of a chance to simply talk in so long that it felt nice to hear the other man’s voice outside of his scary commander tone.

When Japan arrived, he greeted them both good morning. Then, after taking the time to go over their schedule for the day, training started. 

Since Italy’s training schedule had been so irregular lately, he could feel the difference in the exercises' impact on his muscles. Although disappointed that his body showed signs of resistance so early in the routine, he found relief in the fact that this was the start of his return to normalcy. A proud yet fatigued smile tugged at his lips as Germany counted their reps of push-ups. With a long run scheduled for later, weight training came first today.

“Last set,” Germany instructed, and once he counted them down, he told them, “Stand up, and get some water. Question drills will fill the break period today.”

They broke from formation for a minute, and once their small lineup was in order once again, Italy felt almost antsy to run. Of course, these theoretical questions posed during training were to prepare them in the face of adversaries, but having fast feet had always been his strong point. He was eager to get past this part of training.

“Enemy forces have pleaded surrender and insist that reaching a mutually beneficial agreement would spare both parties. What action do you take? Japan?”

“In a very Japanese manner, I offer a non-commitmental answer that the adversary will receive positively and keep them occupied until I can reconvene with you and Italy.”

“Very well, Japan. Italy?”

While he was better at handling these questions now, they continued to be the dullest and somehow most difficult part of training. “In a very Italian way, I tell them to wait and run straight here to you and Japan!”

“Impressive. Now, for the follow-up question.” 

For another few hypotheticals, Italy contained himself and pushed himself to show the same discipline as Japan. Once they were dismissed for one last drink before their long run, Japan said, “Do you have any suggestion for where we should head? As homage to your return to training, it’s only fair that you choose the destination.” 

“I missed joining you both,” Italy said happily. “Isn’t there a lake nearby? Thirty minutes there and thirty back.” He turned to Germany at his side.

The three came to an agreement on their destination and the path they would take, and with a final sip from their bottles, they were on their way. Finally, they were given a moment to themselves to properly talk, and there was no better way to pass time on a distance run than filling it with conversation.

“It’s very nice to see you back,” Japan said, as he’d yet to get the opportunity to properly address Italy’s return. “I take it you’re attending every day again?”

“Uh-huh,” he said in breaths that matched his strides, “that’s what I hope.” As Italy said that, it almost slipped his mind that he may not even remember the importance of training once his memory was altered, but that wasn’t something to mention now. Now was the time to build his strength before he could forget, and while a part of him wanted to ask Germany and Japan to not let him slack when his mind was destined to change, he was preoccupied with forming other plans about how to deal with his future self’s apathy.

“Well,” Germany added, “we’re glad to have you back.”

It was still strange to hear a response like that from Germany. Words of instruction against letting a bad habit of skipping form was what he was accustomed to hearing after missing multiple days. “As long as it doesn’t become a habit, veh?” Perhaps those weren’t the smartest words to leave Italy’s mouth, but the normalcy of it felt too comforting to let them go unsaid.

“If it’s for your health,” Japan added between breaths, “please keep that as the highest priority. Though, knowing your determination, I suspect we’ll see much of each other in the future.” Accompanying Japan’s words was a slightly open-mouthed smile — as his typical reserved smile wouldn’t have allowed him to regulate his breathing in the face of their pace. “It is nice to see you in high spirits again.”

Bouncing off that point, Germany told him, “That’s something I think we can agree on. I’d rather see my allies at the top of their game, and that includes you, alright?”

“You’re such a softie,” Italy teased while shaking his head. “Thanks. I know what I’m doing, and I’ll be the best soldier ever trained!”

“Second only to myself, I think you mean to say.”

“Nope. Sorry, Japan, but I’ve got a plan, and I’m going to be the best trainee Germany’s ever had. I’ll show you in a few weeks time.”

“You sound determined,” mentioned Japan, “with such resolution, I expect good competition. Once a rival, always a rival?”

“Alright you two,” Germany interrupted. “I expect nothing but the best from both of you, and as you reach peak condition again — after our earlier uncharacteristic period of rest, I mean — I’ll be watching your progress.”

“Alrighty, Captain,” Italy responded, “I expect future me to be held accountable.”

“That he will be under my training.”

The words lifted an intangible weight from Italy, and he picked up his pace slightly. “Let’s beat our record time today,” he told the group. Then, as everyone’s pace picked up, he couldn’t hide the smile that grew on his face. For a moment, the future didn’t seem as bleak as it had for the past few months.

In this moment, he was able to look at the future and actually be able to see it.

Once the three passed the halfway point of their run and began their return, Italy started to come down from cloud nine and settle into a more neutral state. It was one of analysis and pragmatism. While conversation filled the air with background noise, Italy’s more emotional side took comfort in hearing his friends’ voices, and the more-down-to-earth side focused on working through how the following few days would play out.

The future was laid out plainly in front of him, but there was still a lot he needed to do. Although trying to sort out his emotions, or lack thereof, about everything from his brother to his life should have been at the top of that list, it wasn’t reasonable to think of something that wouldn’t impact him after the induced memory loss.

He’d already indirectly asked for his allies to keep him accountable in training, and he had a backup measure created by himself for himself that would hopefully be more impactful than anything Germany or Japan could say or do. It just needed to be executed. 

He also had a conversation set in place with Prussia for later that day. If there was any emotional baggage he wanted to deal with, that would be the time. If he were to indulge that emotional side of himself, though, he needed to take care not to clue Prussia into his plans. The transition would go smoother if his mind was wiped before others had the opportunity to find out about it.

Finally, he had to figure out an ultimatum offer for his discussion with England. While Italy felt confident in his ability to persuade him, walking into the man’s house any less than prepared would spell disaster.

Three things to do, and less than a day to complete them. It was easily doable. Not to mention, with his newfound rational and unbothered state of mind, following through with his tasks would be easy.

Italy followed in suit as Japan and Germany slowed to a stop with these thoughts in mind. They’d returned to their start. Time really did seem to pass differently as of late. 

After Germany instructed them through cool-down stretches, they were disbanded for the day. At the command, Japan almost immediately had to take his leave. Although he would have rather stayed to engage in listless conversation while all was calm, he had been scheduled for many domestic meetings that couldn’t be ignored. 

“I’ll text you tonight, Japan. Okay?” Japan deserved a final thank you for all that he’d done in his attempts to support Italy. Just as Italy wasn’t eager to forget how he and Prussia had grown closer, he shared that same sentiment with Japan. It was ludicrous to think a simple thank you would repay his debt, but it was the best he could do with what he had.

When everyone had gone their own way, Italy took advantage of the offer to take a quick cold shower in hopes of washing away the soreness that had begun forming in his calves. Hopefully, any pain that may stay with him after leaving England’s would only serve to help him remember the importance of his training. He needed everything else in his mind to leave except for that one bit of information. The one bit that would protect him.

As previously promised, Prussia was waiting for Italy to join him, and when he arrived, he watched as Gilbird hopped finger to finger on Prussia’s hand. “Ita-chan,” Prussia greeted happily as he directed Gildbird to come to a rest on his shoulder. He stood and made his way toward the kitchen. “Come grab a snack, and then let’s head outside,” Prussia told him. “West being in the same room would ruin the mood anyway, right?”

Once they were outside, Prussia suggested, “Let’s head for that tree,” while pointing to one in the not-so-far distance. “Deep conversations on an August porch are awesomely aesthetic and all, but the walls are paper-thin when it comes to sound passing through.”

Italy followed from a pace back, then he took a seat against the tree’s trunk with his legs stretched in front of him. Prussia had always been able to read him very well. Although that was intimidating at times, it made Italy feel at ease to know that their last conversation as he was now would happen without any feigned sentiments. Perhaps it was cruel to vent about these feelings that would soon cease to exist, but this version of Italy was about to disappear. There were things he wanted to say regardless of how pointless everything was.

As Prussia held out some assorted nuts to share, the gist of what took place the night prior spilled from Italy’s mouth. “I argued with Romano again, and I know I was mean to him. We already apologized to each other, but I know it got out of hand. I guess that’s not really what I’ve been thinking about, though.”

“Well, what is it then?”

“It’s about what happened after,” he started after a second. “I can’t figure out what happened, and it felt so different from anything else I’ve ever experienced. I should have been bored or tired, but for almost an hour, I stayed on my bed staring blearily at my hand. It barely even felt like ten minutes had passed when I was called for dinner.”

As Italy continued detailing his experience, Prussia expected some sort of question or opinion-seeking tone, but when neither came, he realized that Italy really did just want a listening ear. Soon enough, he was given a chance to speak. “Were you thinking about anything interesting if you were laying there for so long? Sometimes West will become so hyperfocused on something, and he’ll lose all track of time. It can be kinda adorable when that happens to people to be honest.” 

“I don’t think this was the same. I wouldn’t really call it fun. I was just there, and time passed around me.” Italy continued on. He knew what Prussia was talking about, but that just didn’t seem to be what happened. “I didn’t think of very much either. There weren’t nearly enough thoughts to take up the time it did. Then, when Fratello called me for dinner, he told me it felt like our link was being blocked. He thought I did it, but I didn’t. He told me it felt like I wasn’t there.”

“Were you able to figure out what caused the malfunction?” Prussia asked curiously.

“I have an idea,” Italy admitted. “It felt like my emotions just disappeared for a bit while I was in my room, so maybe that’s what happened. When I was shocked back to reality, all those emotions came back fast. So fast that I ended up losing my stomach. Fratello probably felt it too if my emotions were just gone from the link like he said. After that, I knew I wasn’t going to be cleared for training the next day.”

“And by disappeared you mean? Numb?” Prussia frowned and encouraged Italy to eat some more of his nuts. “That’s decidedly not awesome. Something like that can’t be said so casually. Ita, if everything that’s changed has been bothering you, help us out. What can we do?”

Italy shrugged and chose to shift positions so that he and Prussia were knee-to-knee. There really was no reason to worry at this point. He had just been curious about what happened. “There’s nothing to change. I already have a way to feel better,” he assured Prussia. “If I still feel bad next week, then we can talk about changing something, okay?”

A drawn out pause accompanied Prussia’s look of concern. “Can I ask what’s being changed?”

It was Italy’s turn to hesitate. He wished he could tell Prussia, but he knew that this was something he should let Prussia figure out in due time. “Veh, would it make you feel better if I said that Canada knows what’s going on?”

“It would make me feel better if your tic didn’t just show.”

Italy’s brow lowered for only a second, but he went on to say, “He does but if you want, you can text him to make sure that everything is okay. Then, if anything seems strange, you’ll be the first one I call for help. Promise.”

Although still skeptical, the worry faded slightly from Prussia’s features. “I’ll talk with him later. And I’m holding you to your word, ‘kay?”

“Okay! There’s something else I want to say, though. Thank you for helping me out so much lately, Prussia.”

“Hm? It’s just… It’s no problem,” he said as his voice trailed in understanding.

“I’m really glad you’re my friend.”

“Same here, Ita-chan.”

A few moments of comfortable quiet passed. “Prussia,” Italy said.

“Yeah?”

There was a lot more he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the words. He couldn’t jeopardize his plan. Surely Prussia understood how much he meant to Italy. 

With a smile, Italy just told him, “We should come here again later.”

That night, when Italy got home, he set to writing a letter, and after toiling over what to say and bringing the letter to a close, he put it in the front pocket of the pants he planned to wear when visiting Canada and England. 

_ Hey, Italy. It’s me, past Italy. I don’t know what you remember, but focus. Never forget these four things. One. You must continue training. It will protect you. Two. Do not ask about what you can’t remember. England won’t help you again. Three. Despite how Japan, Prussia, Germany, and Romano react, they are your allies. Four. Do not mention this letter. Doubt this is real? 6 August, 1806. _

_ Signed, Veneziano Italy _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone curious, 6 August, 1806 is when the Holy Roman Empire was dissolved. Anyway, I feel cruel posting these chapters one at a time, but damn, does it feel powerful as the author of this story 😈  
> \----  
> Are y'all enjoying the longer chapters? Me, too! Feel free to leave a comment; I respond to every single one ^_^


	11. Last Ditch Effort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally on the run. I'm hiding out at a friend's place, so I don't get caught. Enjoy this late chapter while I ignore my problems. Also, the next chapter should be coming out almost immediately after this.

As Italy walked through the rain-sodden town where England lived, he thought about how he had to leave Germany’s place early that morning in order to meet Canada. Was skipping training the ideal? Absolutely not, especially with how lenient he’d been with himself recently. Was it worth it to reach a compromise with England? It had to be.

While Italy stayed in his own head, reciting his argument time and time again to practice asserting unwavering confidence, Canada and England were in wait for their guest of honor to arrive.

“This is right mad. No matter the reason, only a fool would agree to tamper with memory. Magic or not. Certainly, he knows this.”

“Like I said, I already told him that,” Canada explained once again with a sigh. Of course, the surrealness of the situation made it seem unbelievable, but in the doorway they stood, waiting to send Italy home with regrettable news. “He kept insisting on talking to you. He must believe he can change your mind, so I think he needs to hear the word ‘No’ come directly from you.”

“Should I even hear his argument?” England asked. “He might have something important to say, but still, it might be easier and less cruel to extinguish his hopes before they get too high.”

“It’s probably too late for that. Show resistance to make your point clear, but let him talk. Let him talk and exhaust his arguments. Judging from the gravity of his tone during our last conversation, I doubt he has plans of backing down.”

“In what world would he think I can be influenced to use my own magic? I know its consequences better than anyone, and yet the unknowns are too–“ 

Rapping on the door left England’s sentence without an ending. Rather, he quickly changed gears. “Bollocks. Another couple of minutes would have been appreciated.” 

“You would say the same thing even if he showed up an hour late,” Canada reprimanded in a mumble. All he earned for his words was a sparse glare before the door was opened. 

“Italy, hello,” England said while stepping out of the entranceway. “Come inside.” 

With quick hellos and a wave to Canada, Italy made his way in, and he followed the brothers’ lead to where they’d be having their discussion. He just had to keep his calm and be determined in his words. 

When they all sat down, however, the room fell quiet. If they were going to broach the conversation at hand, apparently Italy needed to speak up for himself. The gesture was understandable but not appreciated. He prayed for his body to not show any hint of nerves. “I’m sure Canada told you already, but I need your help in fixing my memory.” 

“Before we get to that,” England started, “I’d like to know what exactly makes you think I’d consider offering my magic for something so unfathomable. Despite Canada warning you of my reluctance to experiment with mind magic, you still think I’m willing to risk your life.”

“I understand the risks, and I think you’ll support me because I won’t be leaving until you see my way. I want this to happen, and the outcomes don’t scare me.” 

“You know nothing of the risks,” England said plainly. He was stating mere facts. “And to say you do is arrogant.” 

“I’ve thought enough about this. I don’t know what exactly you can do with your magic, but I accept the risks. All of them.”

“You cannot consent to what you don’t know.” His words stayed strong and unfaltering, and although Italy’s tone tried to mimic his, England was the one with information. “You’ve thought enough? Humor me. Tell me of all that you’ve considered.”

The material of Italy’s pant leg began to scrunch as he kneaded the fabric. He needed to stay level-headed. “Losing memory of one night while knowing it’s missing, losing memory from one night onward while knowing it's missing, or losing any piece of my memory without knowing that it’s gone. I thought about how my brother and friends would react. Then, when I didn’t know what else to think, I decided it doesn’t matter what else might happen. I’m okay with it.”

In a deadpan voice, England said, “Mhmm. Those are all rather dull predictions. If that’s all you can fathom, you certainly can’t use a blanket statement to cover all that you don’t know.” Looking into Italy’s eyes with a firm gaze, he went on to say, “Allow me to name some of the possibilities, but I have no plans to move forward even if you were to understand all that is at risk.

“Loss of all memory; you may wake as if you were a newly appeared nation and need to relearn everything. Your brother might be affected; if tampering with another nation’s brain was dangerous, anything involving your link with Romano is infinitely more so since it’s not understood how the link works. Death; with all magic, especially unrefined ancient magic, the opportunity is always there, and there’s no guarantee which supernatural force is more powerful between our nationhood immortality and my magic.

“You do not understand the risks, Italy. There are many more possibilities.”

Canada, from his silent onlooker perspective, watched as Italy averted his eyes once England finished talking. His role was merely to stay quiet and act as an intermediary if need be.

Italy, for his part, was biting the inside of his lip in a desperate attempt to not say anything that would make England more reluctant than he already was. He hadn’t considered that Romano could be impacted. It made sense, but he needed to decide quickly whether he was willing to risk his brother. It was selfishness to the extreme. 

As he remembered his resolve to not falter under whatever words England threw at him, Italy’s head snapped to attention once more with a quick movement. England was looking for logic driven thought, so hastiness and irrationality was something he needed to avoid. “What’s the most likely possibility?”

“That’s irrelevant. If you can’t accept every possibility, you aren’t prepared to deal with the consequences. In addition, you won’t be getting my assistance with this.”

“I will,” Italy said declaratively. “I will. I accept the risks then. I trust your magic.” He wouldn’t fall for scare tactics.

“It isn’t my magic. I would merely be wielding old magic and spells I’ve not once manipulated organically.”

“I accept the risks, England. I’ll take any help of yours that I can get. I don’t have any options.”

“You won’t be getting my help,” England said. Then when he processed all of what Italy had said, he responded with words of disbelief. “You must be joking. You would be willing to risk your life and your brother’s?”

“Yes.” 

He stayed with his mouth agape for a moment, unknowing what to say. “Good god.”

“Italy,” Canada called, “you’re serious?”

A wordless nod came in response. 

“I won’t be offering you assistance with this,” England stated. “No memory is worth risking that. Go home.”

“This memory is.”

“I’m sane enough to value my life more than my memory. Now, go back to your brother, and don’t ask for my help with this again. Don’t even consider it.”

“Could explaining the memory I want erased change your mind?”

England considered his answer. It certainly wouldn’t, but his curiosity was insatiable. He wanted to know more. Canada hadn’t agreed to share information, but perhaps he could be told by the source of all this uncertainty.

“No,” Canada answered before England had the chance to speak. “He wouldn’t change his mind.”

“Now, wait a moment. I–”

Again, his words were cut off by Canada. “No,” he said once more while casting a challenging look. “This isn’t your opportunity to take advantage of the situation. Maybe you don’t know for a reason.” He then turned his gaze to Italy. “If you want to tell him, go ahead. Just know that his stance is unchanging.”

Italy looked between them before asking, “Would you think about helping if I explained?”

As England took in Italy’s expression, one reminiscent of clinging onto a final hope, he almost felt cruel in his denial. Lying for information would be too cunning for the situation. While he and Italy technically weren’t allies, they were both nations, and with so few of them existing, one truly needed all the acquaintances they could get. 

With a resigned sigh, he told Italy, “No. I will not reconsider. I’d prefer to know the reason for today’s meeting, but my decision won’t be swayed by your words.”

Frustrated tears left Italy’s eyes glossy, but he didn’t allow them to fall. It was hard to even know what to think.

“It’s too dangerous. With all my experience in magic, I’ve come to realize that spells cast directly onto someone have more risk than they’re worth. I’ve seen them fail.” When Italy lifted his chin once again, England continued, “Magic is unconventional in essence. That being said, unconventional non-magical solutions also exist.”

For a long while, although it felt like only a couple of seconds to Italy, he sat wordlessly. Stuck in his thoughts. “England,” he said eventually, “thank you, and Canada, I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

After casting a glance toward England, Canada was the one to respond. “So are you okay with this? I can’t imagine that you’re satisfied with how today turned out.” Canada watched as the last bit of fight drained from Italy. He’d come in so determined, yet now, he was before them with a clouded gaze that locked onto the carpet below.

“Not really,” Italy said, “but I get that you can’t help.”

“Well, what will you do now?” Asked England.

“Well, veh… there’s a backup option. I guess I’ll do that.” Before anyone asked for him to elaborate, Italy moved to stand. Then with a tone that wasn’t happy, but filled with some saddened emotion that was entirely impossible to name, he said, “I’m sorry I was so pestersome, guys. Even when I knew what you thought about me asking.”

“Pay it no mind,” England said. “Sometimes you need to hear the words from someone else’s mouth. I understand that sentiment.”

“Canada?” A hum in reply was Italy’s indication to continue, “Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but can you walk out with me?”

With a nod and a few words of agreement, Canada excused himself before moving toward Italy. England also gave them a farewell as they left the room. “I wish we could have helped in the way you wanted,” Canada said quietly, “but hey, friends are here to help in other ways, too.”

“What do you mean?” The front door clicked into place behind them as Italy went on. “What else is there to do?”

“Well, this isn’t the most common situation for nations, but that doesn’t change anything. We know how each other thinks. You said you don’t want to talk about what happened, but if you do, I’ll offer to listen. No hesitation. Then there are other approaches that we haven’t considered. Even a few menial or eccentric solutions in history had grounds. Surely, we could help you try out those. Or even if you go through this with no direction, at least you won’t be alone.”

The air stayed still as they walked.

“Are you sure you still don’t want to talk about what took place?”

“You’re doing that human psychology thing again,” Italy teased with a weak smile, “but no thanks. I don’t want to talk about it.” After a short pause, came the words, “Can I say something else, though? Something rhetoric and stupid?”

“I doubt it’s stupid, but sure.”

“Why does this have to happen? It shouldn’t happen to anyone. Yeah, I know I should have been strong enough as a nation to protect myself, but what about everyone else? They don’t deserve that. It’s one thing to feel the pain of your people, and something different to actually live it. We have it easy. Our version of our people’s lives is a half-truth.”

“A half-truth?” Canada mimicked. “I guess you’re right. It really is privileged to live a nation’s life if everything you’re going through is an indication. Don’t discredit yourself, though, Italy. Not being human doesn’t make what happened less terrible or inexcusable.”

Italy shook his head with a grimace. “What happened wasn’t right, but I should have been able to–”

“This wasn’t your fault. You hold none of the blame.” Silence. “Try to believe me, okay?”

At the part in the road where the two were to split, they slowed their pace to a stop. “Thank you, Canada,” Italy said with as sincere a smile as he could muster. He held out a fist, “You do this with America sometimes, right? A fist bump? I think I can manage that.”

After a moment of being caught off guard, Canada raised his hand with a grin. “Whatever’s most comfortable for you.”

When the two parted, there was only one thing left for Italy to do. Just thinking about it made him feel uncomfortable. If everything up to now was uncharacteristic of a nation, this would be straight out of left field and absolutely unbecoming of one. It was a last ditch effort, though. If forcing out his revival abilities had any hope of helping him forget that night, it would be worth the uncomfortable feeling. And since there was no real risk to himself, why shouldn’t he try?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really really want to leave y'all on this cliffhanger, but I owe you two chapters, and two chapters you will get ^_^


	12. I'm Taking Charge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** implied suicide attempt, no graphic depictions

“You dumbass! Wake up!” 

Romano’s rushed and panicked words barely made it to Italy’s ears, and they weren’t coherent to him. 

With shaky, uncoordinated hands. Romano lifted his brother from the ground and shifted him to sit upright with his back against the bed. “What the hell were you thinking? There’s _no_ need to test your immortality!” There was no true malice in the words as Romano watched the tendons and muscle deep within the skin of Italy’s temple stitch back together at a painstakingly slow speed.

“You can’t die!” Romano screamed. “I know you fucking know that, Fratello, so what in the hell were you doing?” In truth, everything regarding his brother lately had become so abnormal and unpredictable that he wasn’t certain what exactly would happen. He just needed the words to be true. Nations couldn’t die outside times of war and hardship, and nothing should be able to change that fact. 

Holding a blanket up to where the wound in his brother’s head was still bleeding, Romano spared a fearful glance to the gun that still lay on the floor in front of him. Then a force beyond him took hold of his limbs, and the next thing he knew, the weapon’s magazine was unlocked from its position, and Romano threw it across the room. With a harsh thump, it left a mark on the wall before falling to the ground once more. He could tell that there wasn’t even another bullet loaded with how light it had been.

As shaky breaths continued to take hold of Romano’s chest with a vice grip, he went back to his place, holding the blanket up to the wound. The longer he stayed in that position, the more his hasty, unanswered questions came to a close and the more certain he was that his brother would be okay. He would live. 

Why did the revival process take so much longer than the process to heal nonlethal wounds of the same gravity? Was it just to spite everyone? Was it to remind them that even nations would cease to exist one day? That was one thing it absolutely always did.

“I’m gonna move you, okay?” Romano said to Veneziano who had still yet to awaken. After pulling back the sheets on the bed, Romano carried the other bridal style, taking care to keep his head upright. Then with a less-than-graceful struggle, he managed to get his brother into a position that allowed his legs and torso to be under the blankets while the upper half of his body rested on a pillow that leaned against the wall.

Then, for a moment, Romano simply stood and stared. 

“I’m going to go get gauze. You’re still bleeding and you’re gonna mess up your stupid sheets.” 

Wordlessly, Romano went about his task. He wasn’t sure what to think. A few objects clattered together as he searched through cabinets trying to find first aid materials. He hadn’t ever thought his brother would do something so brainless. Especially since nations couldn’t die like that. Whether or not that was the case, there was a gun on the floor and blood on their clothes, and it had happened without Romano having a single premonition. Just the notion of their link closing again and a cluster headache that disappeared almost as fast as it appeared. Despite how worrying their link closing was, he’d gotten used to his access coming and going without his consent. In regards to the headache, one that lasted less than a minute had been the least of his concerns.

Romano spoke more calming words that fell on unhearing ears as he started to wipe away any blood that stuck to his brother’s skin.

Of course, Italy had been sad lately. He’d been depressed, withdrawn, and paranoid. He had everyone worried about him. For something like this to happen, though, was unheard of. Certainly, no one had prior knowledge of this or word would have spread. 

Romano hadn’t even been home when it happened. Perhaps if he had been home, he would have noticed something just a little more disturbing about the way his brother carried himself. If he had been there to notice any last bit of doubt wash over Italy, then maybe he could have coaxed the other away from the idea. Him wanting to erase his memories was bad enough, but Canada and England said they would take care of that issue.

At his internal dialogue, Romano’s eyes widened. They were supposed to meet with his brother today about it, but if Italy was here like this now, then things didn’t go his way exactly as had been planned. However, for something this dire to be the cost was unbelievable. He’d fallen so far as to wish for something so unlikely as death as his backup plan. That’s how it seemed at least.

When the gauze was wrapped neatly into place, Romano wanted to leave the room to make a call, but he wasn’t yet willing to leave his brother’s side. Although logic told Romano that there would be no permanent physical damage, emotional thinking had him once again pulling a chair to the bedside in wait.

Italy would live, but what exactly would come next? 

As Romano opened his phone, he took note of how much he hated calling people. Every single call he sent or received only brought bad news, and he was barely acquainted with most of the people who ended up on his call history. Yes, he was gaining a few unlikely companions, but at the risk of his brother, it didn’t seem worth the cost in the slightest. 

“Come on. Pick up,” he mumbled into the receiver. 

Canada’s static voice came after a click. “Romano?” 

“Hey.”

“Is Italy okay? How is he taking the rejection?”

“He didn’t take it well.” Romano’s eyes didn’t leave his brother as he spoke. “I’m taking charge now. Talk to me. How do we get him into therapy?”

“Wait, wait. Slow down. What changed?” Just like Romano, Canada was growing rather unfond of these calls. For Romano to call him up and so boldly say that he would be taking control of things without lead up, however, was the last thing he wanted to deal with. He was prepared for more bad news, but it was becoming ever more unbearable to hear in such close succession. 

“I came home to a failed suicide attempt today. I don’t even know what he was thinking since we can’t die, but that’s beside the point. He will sit in the same room as a therapist even if I have to drag him by the scruff of his collar.”

Shock left Canada with the phone to his ear in silence for a moment. Somehow things managed to get worse each time he thought they couldn’t. “Okay, then,” he started cautiously. “Has he tried to explain why he attempted yet?”

“He’s still out. I’m sitting next to his bed now.”

“And you really think he’ll want to see a psychologist now?”

“I’m not giving him the option. Until we find a better solution, if there’s even a small chance of human medicine helping, he’ll try it. How would this even happen, though? Hell, no one even knows that nations exist outside of a handful of shitty government officials, and I doubt it would benefit anyone for them to receive word of what’s been taking place. It would be safer for both us and Veneziano to not let anyone in government know. Agreed?”

“I feel the same,” Canada said, “but anyone who doesn’t know of our existence wouldn’t be able to know the whole situation. Having to bend the truth might hurt Italy, too. It’s easy to see that he’s dealing with a power struggle. He looks at his quote unquote ‘loss’ against a human as a personal failure that he has to fix. That’s a big part of what’s going on, I think, but having to conceal that information could be detrimental to a degree that we really can’t know.”

“So what option is less terrible,” Romano asked, “taking him to a regular shrink who can’t know anything or taking him to someone we know who will make his life and all of ours a living nightmare?”

“You know he can’t go to someone connected with our jobs. To half of them, we’re only freaks they need to work for as an underling, and the other half barely see us as people. There’s just one realistic option.”

Canada listened as a few exasperated attempts at a response escaped Romano, and he said, “It’s not ideal. No. I understand that, but it’s what we can manage right now. If I were to guess, the biggest problem won’t be the necessity to withhold information; it’ll be Italy’s reluctance to disclose anything in the first place.”

For another few moments, Canada waited before Romano cursed under his breath. “Can you try to find somewhere we can take him?”

“Maybe you should. It might be easier for him to be closer to home, and I can’t speak Italian.”

Romano looked his brother over once more from head to toe, and he stood to grab his computer from another room. “On it then.” As he unplugged the charger, he asked with reservation in his voice, “Veneziano won’t want to talk. If this goes to shit, what next?”

“Don’t think like that. If you don’t have any faith, why would Italy? We’ll deal with that if the need presents itself.”

“Seriously, though?”

“I don’t know.” A tone of stress slipped into Canada’s words. “I’m not going to think about that now. I’m not condemning him before we give every option a chance. It’s not something I can just logic out, and I honestly really need a second to _not_ be swallowed by concern right now. So just trust that it’ll work for now, okay?”

Although Romano didn’t quite appreciate that answer, he understood the sentiment and sat at his brother’s side again with a nod. “Okay. For now.” A part of him wanted to check in with Canada and make sure he was holding up, but such a question felt too intimate for people who knew little more than each other’s names. 

“How are you handling yourself, Romano?” Canada asked. Apparently, he thought it was an okay question to pose. 

“Well enough.”

“You walked home to Italy scaring you half to death.”

“I’ve got higher priorities than myself.”

“... I don’t think I’ve felt so uneasy since the first threat of Prussia fading. I’m not used to my friends being in such unpredictable scenarios.” Even though Romano was the first person to have considered asking about the other’s well being, he was still as poor as ever at consoling someone. Canada simply kept talking without regard to Romano’s apprehension. “Do you know how Japan and Prussia are handling this? Hopefully a bit better than me or you. They don’t even know that he wanted to erase his memories.”

Romano’s typing came to a stop as his mind strayed from his research. He repositioned the phone as he thought to himself. It was true what Canada said, but would it be insensitive for him to say that he honestly hadn’t thought much about the others who had been dragged into their situation? Although Romano had no reference for his words, he told Canada, “They’re probably fine. Like you said, they don’t know as much as us.”

“I think Japan’s probably handling it better than Prussia. We aren’t close, but Japan’s been able to navigate troubles with a level head for as long as I’ve known him. Prussia’s a lot more emotional, and I can see him taking it more personally because he gets so empathetic with people he’s close to.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess,” Romano agreed reluctantly. He had been acquainted with the two for years solely due to their relationship with his brother, but he was by no means close enough to either of them to know such things with confidence. Perhaps it would be best to let Canada ramble.

“I doubt Japan’s always as collected as he looks, though. He really cares about Italy just like we do.”

At some point during Canada’s one-sided conversation, Romano rested the phone once again between his cheek and shoulder so that he could go back to typing. His focus was Veneziano, and everyone, including himself, really should be dealing with their concerns on their own. Or at least not with someone so distant as him.

He scrolled through various different websites which he wasn’t quite sure of how to navigate, and he took notes of ones that he thought could be useful. Occasionally he gave a hum in response to something that Canada said, and each time he did, he looked over at his brother, taking comfort in the even rise and fall of his chest.

After another ten minutes or so of searching, Romano interrupted Canada’s dialogue at a pause. “Hey, Canada.”

“Oh, yes?”

“I’ve got some websites pulled up that look okay. For the therapy discussion. I don’t know what I’m looking for, though. I want you to help me figure out which is best. I’ll send you the links, and I can translate. Alright?”

* * *

When Italy woke up, a migraine pierced his temple. A tic escaped him, and he shifted positions with a groan so that he was leaning forward as he raised a hand to prod the area that hurt. He felt the textured fabric of gauze and then thought back to why it might be there.

“You’re finally awake.” Romano’s voice filled his ears, and at the same time, he remembered what he had been trying to do. 

It didn’t work, though. He remembered everything. 

There wasn’t even time for Italy to let out a displeased sigh before Romano kept speaking. “It’s the middle of the night. What do you remember?”

“Everything, I think.”

“Do you wanna tell me what that was about?” He asked in a no-nonsense tone.

Sitting back again, Italy watched as Romano moved his computer from his lap to the floor. “After England said that I couldn’t do anything to help me change my memories, I tried to force it to happen myself. I’m sorry if I scared you, Fratello. I knew I would be okay.”

“‘If’ I was scared? You didn’t think to mention this to me because you knew you ‘would be okay?’” He felt insulted and annoyed that his brother thought this was another situation he could pass off as insignificant. Romano forced himself to take a calculated breath that honestly did not calm his emotions much. “I’m not going to let this deteriorate into yelling,” he said. “What in god’s name was going through that thick head of yours when you decided to do this?”

“I wanted to try forcing the glitch to happen. I didn’t want to say anything because I knew you wouldn’t agree to let me do it if you knew.”

“The glitch?”

“You know. The glitch,” Italy said in a quiet voice. At least, he had the decency to show a bit of shame at not having realized that Romano wouldn’t understand his explanation. “The one that sometimes makes us forget everything after our bodies recover from death.”

Romano’s body slacked some. “That glitch?” He said. “No one even knows how that works. It’s maybe happened once or twice, but it’s all speculation. Surely you wouldn’t put your faith in that?” Although it was reassuring to know that his brother’s actions weren’t borne of a more grave cause, the actions themselves couldn’t be ignored either.

“Veh, I guess it’s better to say ‘hope’ than ‘faith,’” Italy trailed.

“I don’t think either is enough of a justification, regardless.” Romano pulled his brother’s hand away from his face so he couldn’t mess with the gauze. “You wouldn’t try to make it work again, right? It’s nothing more than a shitty rumor with no real evidence.” Romano’s goal for the moment wasn’t talking him out of messing with his memory. Rather, Romano wanted to convince him against another pseudo-fatal attempt at his life, and if manipulating his words could ensure his success, he was glad to do just that. 

“I don’t really see why I shouldn’t try again,” he said casually, going entirely against Romano’s expectations. “I have a headache now, but I can’t really be hurt. Everything would just be easier if I could go back to before any of this happened.” He turned his head to look with weary eyes into Romano’s. “I think that you think so, too. Even if you don’t want to say it.”

Rather than address the comment about himself, Romano said, “You won’t try this again. This isn’t the way to deal with everything. You’re my dumb little brother, and I won’t accept anything that risks you.”

“It’s–”

“This isn’t something that’s up to you anymore, Veneziano. I talked to Canada earlier, and he helped me find somewhere that we can go to get you some sort of help. Yeah, it’s not guaranteed to work, but it sure as hell is better than whatever it is that you’re doing now.”

“Veh, what do you mean this isn’t up to me anymore?” 

Romano could hear the confusion and frustration quickly make their way into his brother’s voice, and it could be seen in the way that Italy subconsciously started to push himself forward once again in his exasperation.

Although Romano wanted to push his brother back into his relaxed position against the pillow, he knew the gesture would likely be taken with hostility. Instead, he stayed in his seated position with his hands loosely interlocked as he spoke. “I don’t want this to turn into a fight, so I’m not going to let it, understood?” He left no time for a response as he continued. “You’re miserable as you are now. Whatever you think has been working to help you feel better isn’t. That’s why we’re going to try out Canada’s suggestion. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t, but you will be going to see someone starting soon.”

Italy thought with his eyes averted momentarily. “There’s a lot of reasons I couldn’t do that even if you wanted me to.”

“Anything you’re worried about has already been worked out. It’s not ideal, but it’s been worked out.”

“Not ideal?”

“You would be seeing someone who doesn’t know us nations exist since anyone in our circles would act like a hardass the instant they knew a nation was involved, but that means you would have to hide some of your story.” Romano watched his brother’s reaction carefully in hope that any sign of compliance could be found. Yes, Romano could be harsh and demanding if he wanted to, but using that type of force against his brother made his heart clench. However, if it was necessary to ensure everyone’s safety, that was his role as the older brother.

“I don’t want to talk to anyone in the first place. I don’t want to go,” said Italy, his opinion still unmoved.

“This isn’t up for debate, as I mentioned earlier. I will be taking you to the first session when it’s scheduled, but like promised, if it doesn’t help any, then you won’t be forced to stay. One good thing, though, is that it’s close to home.”

“I don’t _need_ useless human medicine, Fratello,” Italy stressed again.

With a grumble, Romano said sternly, a piercing scowl reaching his face, “Okay. Let me put this in perspective for you.” His words were dangerous. “Listen closely, fratello. Imagine you were me coming home today. You want to know how that felt? First, you spent the entire day worried. Worried that I would be upset after a disappointing meeting. You bought nice ingredients to make a meal to lift up my spirits. Don’t forget that you’ve noticed I haven’t been able to keep down food and can’t seem to do a single damn thing about it. You unlock the door, and dead silence follows after you’ve called my name to say that you’re back. After coming to check my room — maybe I’m just taking a siesta, after all — you open the door, and you see a body on the ground. There’s blood and a gun on the floor. Then you finally fucking put two and two together. How does that make you feel? How’s it feel to understand that your fratello did that without saying a single fucking word? Tell me, Veneziano. Tell me how it feels! And with how much stuff we seem to not know nowadays, how would it feel to not know if I actually lived or not? I don’t care what you think about this anymore. I’m taking the reins now because, by god’s name, I refuse to let that same thing happen again!”

Italy’s eyes shined over before allowing tears to fall. Each sentence was spoken so painfully slowly and with the full weight of Romano’s raw emotions. They were said just so to make Italy understand exactly what he had been the cause of, and having to take it silently was terrible. What felt worse than everything, though, was the guilt. Italy had caused him to feel so horribly.

For a long minute, Romano watched from his seat as quiet tears fell from his brother’s face and onto the sheet below. Tears were rarely quiet with him. As Italy stayed in that position, the strain of crying and dehydration on his still unwell body had him subconsciously putting pressure on his head to stave off the pain.

“I’m, veh, sorry,” he said to Romano through hiccupped breaths. “I’m really sorry.”

Romano had calmed after his own emotional outburst, now he had to wait for his brother to get a handle on himself.

Through his tears, Italy lamented, “I’m so sorry, veh, so sorry that I’m the reason you felt like that.”

Little by little, the sniffling died away and things became still in the room once more. Although Romano realized that he should be the one to initiate the conversation, a selfish part of him wanted his brother to speak up first and acknowledge what he had done. Italy, on the other hand, was ill at ease at having cried when it really should have been Romano doing so. Simply put, he felt ashamed.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that, Fratello,” he said in a subdued voice once he found courage. “I was self-centered to not worry what you would think or how it would hurt you.”

“I’d appreciate it if you could look at me when you say that, Veneziano.” Romano’s voice wasn’t callous, but it still held traces of his dissatisfaction. After meeting Romano’s eyes again, Italy repeated his words with a moment of hesitation, and then a weak grin tugged at Romano’s lips. “Okay. And I didn’t mean to explode at you like that.” His words earned him a small smile from Italy to match his own. “You get why I’m doing this now, right?”

Italy’s fingers fidgeted with each other some. Then came a nod. “Yeah. but–”

“Yes or no.”

“... Yes.”

“Thank you,” Romano said in a sigh. With what felt like a weight lifted, he slouched into his chair. “No more debate then, right? You’ll let me deal with this for a while?”

“I know you want me to agree, Fratello, but I don’t want this. I want control over my own life, but I can’t seem to get it. I’m sorry I scared you, Romano, but I’m going to keep fighting for it. If you want me to see some human, you have to drag me.”

Romano took note of how his brother was trying to hide his headache still. The crease in his brow was enough to give that away. “You will be going. I am not backing down from that. It’ll happen without a fight, too. I swear it.” 

“Good luck. I don’t wanna fight either.” 

“Hey, Veneziano?”

“Hm?” A hum felt better than speaking.

“Why does even the thought of trying therapy bother you so much? Even if it doesn’t work, then you break even with nothing lost.”

Even as Italy worked through a grimace that became more prominent by the minute, he spoke in clipped words. “Veh. It won’t work. And I don’t want friends choosing my life. It’s mine to control. It’s a waste of time. I don’t need human medicine. Don’t, veh, want it.” Although Italy wanted nothing more than to be reclaimed by unconsciousness once more, he knew that Romano needed answers and that he needed to make his position clear. If only he could speak more coherently. There was more he wanted to say. More that would hopefully help Romano to understand his feelings.

“No one’s aim is to decide your life for you. I just want to try something that could help you go back to feeling like my brother from a year ago who spent every second trying to poke me or jump on my back.”

For a second, Romano paused to listen to a response, but it didn’t come. 

“You should go back to sleep, Veneziano,” he said after a moment. There was more he wanted to cover before the conversation came to an end, but it was cruel to force his brother to stay awake when he was obviously in pain and not able to express his thoughts as clearly as intended. He could feel it in his own headache, too. “We’ll come back to this later, and you can explain why you think you’re the only one without a say in things. That’s been mentioned three times by you and Prussia. I disagree, but there’s obviously something to be talked about. For now, rest.”

Italy felt he should have said ‘thank you’ or ‘you are the reason I don’t have control,’ but at receiving permission to let himself drift asleep once again, all he could do was thank Prussia in his mind before losing consciousness once more. A mouthed ‘Fratello,’ was all that left his mouth for Romano to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the canon-noncompliant interpretation of human-nation relationships. I was very new to the fandom when I first wrote this fic, and I misinterpreted it. Anyhow, we're finally starting the "things get better" part of the story. Though, it may not seem that way at first.  
> \---  
> Oh, and btw the reason I'm late again this week (aside from literally being on the run) is that my phone is unusable. I literally don't even have a phone rn. So yeah, I didn't get update reminders like I had scheduled.


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